


Fairy Tales and Realities, Living in the Real World

by Butterfly53



Category: British Actor RPF
Genre: F/M, Henry Cavill - Freeform, Henry Cavill/OC - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:20:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 56,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23880703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Butterfly53/pseuds/Butterfly53
Summary: After years of public break ups, Henry finds his true one and only better half.  Years of heartache left her in fear on being loved, will she let her guard down enough to let him in, show her what love can really do?This is a god dam fairy tale, I don’t expect life to imitate art, but there may be some sword fighting. There will be tears, there might be a lot of testosterone; but love will find its way, and maybe even a happily ever after.   And cake,  there always has to be cake, and sex.I really don't know where this came from, just started to write it out of me.  Expect smut, fluff, swear words.  Researched only for names, not real relationships, because that would be weird.
Relationships: Henry Cavill/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 65





	1. A Beautiful Sunday

Chapter 1

Some field, middle of fall, a festival:

“I don’t care what you told your friends, Aubrey and I are going to watch our favorite band, enjoy a Guinness, and have a good time!. If you ran out of your own money, its not my fault!” almost comical, not really caring what anyone else thought. It was a beautiful day, the air crisp, the sun high, kilts and wool sweaters everywhere. Annie enjoyed the atmosphere, a typical irish festival; music, food, an open green field and many different peoples enjoying each others company, however the celtic culture was interpreted. It was this year, her boys taller than her own statuesque frame, found their own way, meeting friends elsewhere. They both reminder her more of more of their father, passed 5 years prior, a ghost always in presence, especially for days like today. “You have to promise me Aubrey, don’t let them butter you up for some cash, they aren’t little kids anymore, I don’t care if they are your favorite nephews.”

“Annie, they are my only nephews.”

“That’s not my fault. Tommy and Brandon should have fixed that by now.”

The sass between the two was rather comforting to Aubrey, she missed it, she didn’t know she craved it. A connection between sisters never broken by time or distance. 

“How about here?,” Aubrey gesturing to a patch of dry grass, not many other people claiming blanket space. The vast field was getting picked over groups of people all relegating to the ground much like them, only elders sitting to folding chairs, the view perfect for the afternoon.

“Sure, the boys can find us here.”

Blankets went down, Aubrey’s long legs stretched out before her, clad in dark jeans, leather boots, softened with wear. Her cabled sweater hiding her tiny frame. Her hair long, let down by unraveling, catching the sun she so rarely saw for the last 10 years. She couldn’t help do anything without looking beautiful, and the better part of that was she didn’t know it.

“What do you want, Im going to grab a tasty beverage, and a scotch egg.” Annie had plans to enjoy the day and all its offerings, like time was something to fight, and she had to fit all of its wonders in to a few moments.

“Nothing for now, I need to pace myself.” An answer so trained in giving, Aubrey didn’t even hesitate to turn down what used to be regulated harshly.

“You aren’t on tour anymore, nor do you need to stare at a mirror covered in spandex. Live a little!” It felt so wrong coming out of her mouth, years of playing the mother hen to her sister, reminder her of better choices to make, although actually few to call her own, and now offering to throw it into the wind for the afternoon.

“Fine, but nothing heavy, Michi Ultra light.”

“Ok, but we are visiting the Whiskey tent for a tasting later. Like before 5, because Im driving home tonight, Im cutting myself off at 6.”

“Sure…and I still have the keys in my pocket.” Laughing, knowing full well she probably will be driving home anyway. Alone, she stretched out further, off her elbows, watching the clouds roll over through her sun glasses. A traditional band warming up, a violin working through strings, a guitar finding her tune. Chatter, undiscernibly increased in volume as the field filled. She didn’t pay attention to the crowd, for years she trained herself to shut off the noise, and just find the music; and for these few moments it was blissful peace.

“Sorry it took so long, I had to buy beverage chips first.” Annie now blocking her sun, extracting her from her solitude.

“Didn’t even really notice. Thanks,” as she took her chilled bottle.

“Great..”sounding pissed, which with teenage boys didn’t take much push her that way. Aubrey had noticed the last few months how quickly Annie could turn in mood, “a pack of wolves decided to park next to us.”

What Aubrey didn’t notice before was a rowdy group of men, claimed space nearer than Annie expected, their abundant energy spilling well around them. Aubrey did pick up on a smell, so intoxicating, feral almost, captivating. There were 4, deep in their own conversation, some elbow jamming, playful shoving. Two passed a cigarette, drifting smoke passed Aubrey’s nose, tingling that urge to ask for a drag. 

“I spend all day in a house peaking with testosterone, can I just have 5 minutes without it?”

“A question to the gods? Ignore them Annie”

“Sure, but how can you, I’m drooling on the inside. Thank god I’m wearing sun glasses so that one can’t see me staring,” her Guinness starting to fiddle with her head.

“Funny!”, tad embarrassed, hoping no one could hear her sister. But she was right. They all were a bit gifted in the looks department, especially the tallest one. His hat barely shading his ice blue eyes, dark waves of hair tucked past his ears. A thick sweatshirt hiding nothing of his hard physique. Something primeval stirred within her, letting out a slow breath, watching a cigarette dangle between his two fingers.

“Perfect spot, Aubrey, perfect!” they both slowly sipping their beverages, paying little attention to the stage, their original intention which brought them there. A quick sigh slipped past Aubrey’s lips, she quickly covered with her beer bottle. “And there’s reality, girlfriend’s, wives, already taken. It was nice fore a little bit, right?”

“I only count two, and there’s 4. Hope, Annie, hope.”

“My time has passed, Sunshine, but window shopping is always appreciated.”

Aubrey hesitated to say anything; her sister had everything once, a wonderful husband, two beautiful boys, and a marriage no one could even compare. They loved, they fought, they lived the best kind of life Aubrey wished she could even have half of. And when he got sick, she watched her sister from afar fight for both of them. But it wasn’t meant to be, the loss to the family so dreadfully emptying. Annie had her boys to think about, again, being the rock for others. Aubrey held Annie in the greatest regard, Annie’s superpower being perseverance through pain, always thinking of others first. Even now, Aubrey being a recipient of this, of which she was monumentally grateful.

“So, let’s play match up and see who wins, I put money hat boy is already tagged up with Mark Jacobs bag girl, that leaves pretty dress to go with leather jacket,” Annie, taking a big gulp of her glass.

“You’re on. But I think you are overlooking a few things. I think hat boy is single, he definitely dressed himself today. Leather jacket and Mark Jacobs bag go together, they have watching wedding bands. Pretty dress goes with office boy, I think she got his clothes together this morning, cute but very matchy matchy.”

“Hat boy could be single then…”Annie giver her the evil eye, “he’s to pretty to be single.”

“I call them as I see them,” shotting her sister a playful smirk. She felt a breeze pass her face, with a quick whistle, something bright catching her eye. A small squeeze ball landed past their blanket, Aubrey grabbing it with ease of her long arms, turning to look for the child it should have belonged to. 

“Told you, doesn’t matter how good they look, Neanderthals,” going back to her drink, sending bullet trough her sun glasses.

Two strides, that all it took for hat boy to be nearer Aubrey to claim it.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for that to happen.”

Aubrey, surprised by his presence, her body defying any movement, forgetting to breathe. She thought a squeak escaped her, her cheeks now burning in embarrassment. Her eyes met his, she could only watch is mouth move, couldn’t even grasp what he was saying, though his voice low in register, was velvet over her ears. She still held the ball in her hand, and she could see him reaching for it.

“You have to forgive my brother, he didn’t want to spill his drink and let it pass him.”

“She forgives you, I might not, but she does, don’t you Aubrey?”

She finally remembered know to function like a human being, reaching place the ball in his outstretched hand, but she couldn’t make her fingers relax to let it go. “ Its ok, no harm no foul.” She could feel the heat leaving his hand, his cologne drift to her nose, she could get drunk on this very moment. “Glad I could get it back for you, a bounce further and it would have been gone.”

“Much appreciated. I can sign something for you if would like. I don’t have a pen with me, but I bet my sister-in-law has something.”

“What? Sign something?” Aubrey being a tad perplexed by what he was saying.

“Usually that’s what people want, a picture or something. I feel really bad, interrupting your….”

“My sister and I are adults, and I think she’s been living under a rock for about 10 years, not to say I didn’t figure out who you were.” Annie’s cup now empty, she hoped she was hiding annoyance on her face. But it was really a façade, she also getting a little sweaty by his closeness.

“I hope I didn’t offend you, my work was a tad encompassing for a good stretch. I’m sorry I can’t place where you are from.” She though she sounded like a pathetic hopeless fraud.

“Well then, I’m Henry Cavill. Actor, did some films, got some other TV work coming up. I do my own stunts, most of the time,” faking a bit of cocky-ness, a bit a sarcasm.

His eyes were kind, his smile so kissable, Aubrey could barely control herself. Her free hand went to fiddle with her hair, like a school girl.

“Aubrey Denison, no title,” trying to straighten her face.

“Really, Aubs” Annie rolling her eyes like one of her kids, ”She was a lead dancer with Birmingham Ballet, and the Opera, and White Oak for a bit. Retired, starting fresh is more like it.”

“Annie please, does it really matter?”

“Not really, but if we are talking resumes,” even that made Henry laugh a bit. Annie’s no non-sensibilities relaxing the air between both of them.

“I imagine you better get back to your party, they are staring at us quizzically,”

“I think they wonder what it takes for you to give me back my ball?” Henry, kowing he wasn’t going to live this one down.

“Oh my god, Im so sorry, here!”, letting go of it without touching his hand. She would have melted into a puddle if she even graced it with the tiniest bits of her fingers. 

But he wasn’t looking at her hand, he was transfixed on her grey eyes, her long hair, waves on chestnut catching on the breeze. Her face free of makeup, she was naturally beautiful, blushing so deep, Henry didn’t think blood was flowing to her hands.

There was a pause, immeasurable, like he was looking for words, as Henry was still occupying their blanket, even after she let him has his ball. Annie, hearing conversations behind them, his name being whispered, knew whatever was transpiring between them would be short lived.

“It was lovely to meet you Henry, I bet your Guinness is getting warm. It would be a shame to waste it,” Hoping to center both of them back to reality.

“Yes, it was lovely to meet you Aubrey Denison,” he stood still staring at her, oblivious to his surroundings. His party already leaving at the influx of fans. “And Annie.”

Annie actually felt a tad sad for him. In a matter of 20 minutes, his recognition broke his privacy. No matter how much it was justified with money, she couldn’t get past how quickly his group moved on, something as a wonderful Sunday outing rushed to pieces. 

“Aubrey…..still breathing?”

“Yes.”

“OK then.”


	2. Still Sunday, Still Beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter with anything to set up, that is why it is short.   
> Thanks for reading this far.
> 
> Aubrey has more power in this relationship than she realizes.

Still Sunday, Still Beautiful

He wanted to slap the living daylights out of his brother, who knows better than that, draw attention in a crowd. “Ass hat, couldn’t you just leave well enough alone?”, and the worst was, surrounded by people, a stoic face was always presented, almost a half smile, not showing any less than being content. There was nothing natural about it. It was almost better to live behind walls to be relaxed.

“Geez Henners, I did you a favor, your jaw was on the ground the minute you caught eye of her,” taking a drag, blowing smoke back in his face.

“Stop it, behave boys. I don’t want your mother to find a headline of the Cavill brothers fighting, Charlie, tone it down.”

The women of small stature knowing to keep all of them in line, defusing powder kegs. They both simmer down, in light their surroundings. Henry breaks off for a few pictures, making the last 100 feet agony getting to their cars.

“Heather, do me a favor, find her and give her my number, please…” a tad bit of desperation in his eyes, something she bet he used on his mother for years, getting away with murder, always acting the most innocent out of all five of the boys.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, Henry. Two minutes doesn’t account for any true intention, she could walk a little on the delusional side of things. You must be careful, but I know you know this,” she’d been around for a few fall outs before. She didn’t think timing was in his best interest. “Who was that other women she was with? She looked a tad peeved at the whole thing.”

“I don’t know, maybe her sister, best friend, does it really matter?” trapped by his own fame, he knew he couldn’t just waltz back out there and strike up another conversation. 

“Stop looking so pathetic! Charlie, you are to blame for this you know.” Wishing she wasn’t the one to clean up this mess. “Which phone, I’d say the office, you can get the service to screen her. Shall I ask her for hers as well?”

“Can you be around when I want to get a new car Henners, I never get away with anything anymore?” not sure how quiet the ride back to Henry’s place would be, or how far in the dog house the rest of the trip he would have to face. 

“Psst, you will pay for this Charlie, but I’m a sucker for hard luck cases, I married you after all. “

“Just get hers if you can. Aubrey Denison was her name.”

“Ill see if I can slip her a note in her locker on the way to cheerleading practice,” with a wink, and a sly smile.

“Is that sass, high school reference-“

“God Henry, Im going, don’t let your pantiess get in a wad…” and she left, not noticed or rushed by anyone. And for that he was deeply thankful.

It didn’t take her long to find both ladies, still in the same spot as before. They both were laughing, at what she didn’t know. She could see commonalities between the two, most likely sisters. Heather hesitating a bit, even though she promised Henry, she had to think of his best interests, the beginning may be fun, but a horrible ending….. if there was anything she could do to prevent even more pain and heartache, she could stop all that right now. But who was she to not even let him have a chance; would that be fair?

“Excuse me, you are Aubrey Denison?” watching the confusion sweep across Aubrey’s face.

“Yes,…?” Aubrey now remembering this women as part of the group sitting near them before. Pretty dress, her sister and her labeled her pretty dress. She felt her   
cheeks radiant with embarrassment, like someone could openly read her mind and what she was thinking.

“My apologies for the intrusion, but Henry Cavill would like to exchange numbers, if you be so kind. We usually don’t do this, but he insisted. It’s ok if this is not a good time…”leading to possibly squash anything right here and now.

“Oh, sure…why would he want mine, I’m mean he can have it, but I’m really nothing special…”fumbling with sweaty hands now, almost light headed, at what, excitement?...was that was this was? 

Heather taking a more serious tone, ”I’d rather just give him yours, we’ve had trouble before, it was a mess to clean up, if you know what I mean. Either way, you can   
not give his out to anyone, that’s the one thing, you must understand. There are many basket cases out there that would….well, it just gets messy.” She felt so much less approachable and could see fear in Aubrey’s eyes.

“Sure, it makes sense, I mean, why would it not?” fumbling through pockets looking for what, she couldn’t figure. ”Do you have a pen, Annie, do you have anything in that bag of yours? I seem to not have…well I didn’t expect…” 

Heather could help but be amused by her flusterments, she can tell she wasn’t being anything but herself.

“I got you, I’m sorry for my sister. She’s usually so much better at talking. I’ve taken care of it for you, here,” putting a folded note out for the taking, “we are here until about 7 tonight, she has an interview tomorrow at 10am, so she might be a tad busy. You are teaching tomorrow as well?” trying to steer the conversation to include a little back ground.

“Uh…yeah, I’m at the studio tomorrow for stretch class and pointe work, but really any time. I imagine he’s busy, with everything, with whatever it is that he does, needs to do, probably busy..”

Turning to Annie, ”Thank you, you are her sister, I take it.”

“Yep, my boys are around here somewhere, hopefully not getting into too much trouble” she felt she was getting prodded for info, and she really wanted to in return as well. Sometimes mother hen is a bit hard to shut off. “Teenagers….”

“You, Aubrey, are a dancer? Teacher?”

“I was a dancer, ballet,”she looked down, sad like she mentioned something painful ”I’m helping a friend with a few classes, just until I can find a job. Just came home   
actually.”

“Well then, my sorry I didn’t get to meet your sons, but have a great rest of your day. I will make sure Henry gets this. Good luck at your interview tomorrow.” And off she was again, disappearing into the crowd. 

The first thing she thought was, they weren’t the regular fans that seem so intrigued by everything Henry was involved with, that Aubrey was so cute in her manners, totally beside herself. They were both naturally pretty, without trying, which is such a deviation from what she had seen Henry with prior. Annie was older, hard to put an age on it, but still made Aubrey well past an age to raise eye brows. Annie definitely was helping Aubrey, with whatever and wherever she was going on with her life. The fact that she didn’t ask for anything for children from the actor who played Superman, was actually respectful. Still didn’t trust that they didn’t have an ulterior motive; experience has given her reason for that. But somehow, that little slip of paper with a phone number became a prized possession she would keep safe, until it finally made it to Henry.   
********

“What was that about?” her face fixed in a twitch, reading deeper meaning into every word of that brief conversation. Annie had a better sense than the FBI about certain things, and this was raising tons of flags.

“If it bothered you that much, why did hand over my phone number.” 

“Could you have even held a pen?” poking fun at Aubrey and her inability to form complete sentences.

“He just, well…he’s probably got girls falling all over him, all the time. He probably tries to collect phone numbers just to see how many gullible people fall for…..he smelled so good, I don’t know what came over me. It wasn’t his cologne, I could have…I’m not like that. I’ve played the princess before, its not real, and actually many of my Cavaliers didn’t actually….not really any reason to bring that up.”

“I get it, The nose knows. I doubt he conquests random women at family events. It didn’t look like whomever he was with was here for any other reason than the same of us. That’s so funny, your partners were Cavaliers, and he’s Henry Cavill, you just can’t get away from it can you?”

“I made a fool of myself, OMG, Annie, she probably thinks I’m an idiot!”

“I doubt that, the drunken band groupies, they are already acting like idiots, and its not even 3pm.”

“He’s probably not going to call, he won’t. He’ll be too busy. I'm really not from his same world......”

“Breathe sweetie, if he does, great. And if not, you still have an interview to think about first.”

“Its just a job, not a career. I still looked like an idiot. ”

“Maybe, but he has your number. Be proud of yourself Aubrey, I don't know many people who can say they retired from anything before 29, you are braver than most to start over.”  
*************  
Henry was driving with both hands gripped tight to the steering wheel. Rambling roads, tighter turns, a fun drive home would fill his mind with something other than the image of the angel he left sitting in a field. She was intoxicating to him, her hair in the breeze, her skin so fresh and touchable, long lashes framing eyes of crystal ice grey. Her smile made him smile with only a quick glance. How ever brief their time was, he couldn’t bare the thought there wasn’t a possibility of her life not intertwined with his.  
It now was out of his hands, Henry hoped beyond any prayer she would allow him to be parts of hers.


	3. Say My Name

She sat on a large sculpted chair, over looking the sidewalk, though the hand painted glass window. Chic, overly boho, but also dismissible in the dark lighting. Most of the details overlooked by those running in, grabbing a coffee made with a handful of variations; no foam, half caff, vanilla shot, and to her it really all tasted the same. Her hips pressing deep into the tufted upholstery, feeling an ache, stagnant to movement, rusting by sitting. The light background music, jazz, no- a samba re-voiced to simple ambiance, her ears finding the passion in a pas de deux, to a solo saxophone. 

This wasn’t her first job, she had plenty of those, to pay the rent, to pay for classes, to make it to the next audition. There was still music, there was still rhythm, elsewhere, she would look forward to. Even the pain, dancing on dead shoes, pulled muscles she hid, a body so spent dropping a curtain meant she could collapse, with nothing left to give of herself, and there was a peace in that. But it was this world that left her behind, constantly refilled by youth, and like so many she worked with before, they simply move on, quietly falling to the shadows. They call it retirement, which is an equal parting, agreed by both sides; but dancers fight against it, they fight gravity, against their bodies, that no longer respond to all those demands, that fail the heart.

She promised herself, she would try, to see everyday as a chance to be find something new, to find new ways to hear the music, to find the rhythm, to maybe even find joy. She could float here for a while, lie to herself about the old life ended and this also had possibilities. She would put on a brave face, smile and have short conversations with regulars, find an art in this corner cafe. She could hate the apron, just a little bit, her name tag that would weigh down the strap, its newness feeling the hard fabric between her fingers. But that would be tomorrow, she could still remember being called a dancer for just the rest of this day.

The late fall air, damp with rain that almost could be snow, confronted her as she opened to the door, a chill that hit her bones, not ready for this change, as she headed home for the afternoon. Little did she think about yesterday, and Annie did little to remind her either. It wasn’t until her pocket began vibrating, from a blocked number, not putting any thought into who it could be, dismissed it like any other annoyance. Ten seconds later, it rang again, again blocked from its source, a bit of anger arose in Aubrey, not being able to figure how to answer. Something clicked in her head, like a match being lit to set off a rocket, the proverbial light bulb exploding, this was not something to ignore, it most likely was……him. 

She slid her finger over the glass, bringing it up to her face, her voice almost croaked trying to answer.

“Hello?”, high pitched, child-like, forgetting her sensibilities. 

“Aubrey?”, -that voice again, deep, warm, penetrating, wanted. She didn’t know she craved it, he had said her name, she wanted nothing more than to hear it again. 

“Yes?”, _say it again, please_.

“Oh, thank goodness, Heather was very tight with your number, she wouldn’t let me have it until after this morning. She said you had something important to not interrupt.”

“Well, not life altering, but it is much appreciated.” _Say, my name again, no one has utter it like…_..

“I just wanted to reach out, see how you were doing, maybe grab a coffee, or something, I’m in town for a bit, and…I think to make up for yesterdays intrusion, I at least owe you that.”

She could hear a tad bit of hesitation, nervousness maybe; it was humbling, honest. “I have class tonight, would 930pm be too late for today?”, in her head, mapping ways to get anywhere in London, north, south, and she’d be near Wimbledon anyway.

“That would be fine. Where would I..”

“Near you,” she wasn’t about to make this a big deal, blow it out of proportion, if she allowed him to speak any further, she might loose all control. “I don’t want to impose, if you don’t have many days here.” She remembered what is was like to be home, yet so stretched to a few days, then back out on the road again, everyone wanted a piece of you, time was not of your own. “I mean, with all respect to privacy, yesterday, the women whom we spoke with was very much clear about needing to keep that.”

“I do apologize, she’s very careful, and I actually appreciate that consideration. There is a wonderful place, sometimes they have live poetry readings, or acoustic nights, like it’s the 1960s all over again, except they forgot it’s a posh coffee house with an amazing barista. Its an experience, but easy to be alone in conversation. I will text you the address. South Kensington. And I promise, just coffee.”

“Just coffee. That sounds…” thinking how this isn’t a date, “perfect. I haven’t been up that way in a while. It will be diverting actually.” 

“That’s what I was hoping for, diverting. People usually don’t consider a late cappuccino anything but just that.” Her giggles were intoxicating, made him want to keep talking, but the hard glare from his assistant was a cue to wrap it up, to steel 5 minutes privately was a gift during his afternoon. “Well, then Aubrey Denison, I will see you tonight, for something diverting.”

“Good bye, Henry…” _he said my name…_.

“Good bye, Aubrey.” _she said my name, say my name again…_ , Little did he want to put the phone down, he would have kept her on the line for hours. Her laugh was like oxygen, he suddenly needed it to live. She was thoughtful, and kind, that he knew in such brief conversation.  
“Henry, shall I add diverting at 930 to your calendar?” poking fun, he did look awakened like she had never seen him before. She didn’t allow herself anything to postulate, until Henry would tell her otherwise. “You need to finish reading through these before the interview, come one now, we need to get going…”  
********

“Where are you going ?” a quizzical look garnered by her co-teacher, as they readied to lock up and leave the quiet studio. Lanea would take notice of things such as this, they shared a room for every tour for 2 years, Lanea and Aubrey were soul sisters, and with that, Lanea had to know why Aubrey was so secretive.

“Nowhere special,” running a bit of lip gloss over her lips. She had already freshened and changed after class, simple pulled back hair, a fresh face, tight jeans and her carmel colored wool overcoat.

“Tell me, you can’t keep this a secret for long. Who is he? I thought you stopped seeing anyone of the male species all together.” 

“Stop Nae, its nothing, just a little thank you outing. I don't want to look sweating and messy,” gathering her tights and shoes, throwing them in her bag. “Can you drop off this at Annies, I completely forgot about dragging sweating clothes around. Not the kind of place for gym bags.”  
“You mean not the feral type that would get horny off of smelling your rehearsal clothes? You moved up in the world. Well girl, you look grand, and I look like a hot mess. I'm going home.”

“Thank you, Ill see you Thursday.”

“Text me.”

“Tomorrow, I call you.”

They both parted ways, Lanae buzzing away in her tiny cooper, and Aubrey to the station that would take her to the posh part of London. She was nervous, about the atmosphere, never fitting in with higher society, never being able to make conversation. Stand still, look pretty, be a doll, say nothing. Paraded around at opening night parties and galas like owned cattle. What would she have to talk about, what would be so exciting to divulge for maybe 20 minutes. Until he realizes she is dull and boring. 

The ride didn’t seem long enough for the distance, or her mind to sort out why she was even going. She didn’t have a way to text and back out, make up some poor excuse, let her mind wallow in the impossible. Something deep inside her shut off all her insecurities, threw caution into the wind, trying something of the unexpected. 

Aubrey only had an address to follow, but it was exactly as she expected. A white framed façade, an over-hanging sign in French, slightly mistranslated, but probably most anyone didn’t care, or excused on some dialect she never encountered. Pastries stacked in glowing cases, a back light bar making the roasters and pumps of copper glow. The smell of a fresh roast permeate the air as an introduction to its presence. She stayed outside looking trough the glass, looking for his outline. Shapes in silhouette, couples, friends, older men in wool sport coats respectfully disagreeing with tablemates, chatter, the snap of barrel locks turning with each entrance and exit, the creek of old door hinges. Her eyes caught his face, barely in the glow of the pendant light hung over a private booth. He was deep in his phone, his thumb sliding over constantly, maybe a tad annoyed or fringing on infuriated by its constant intrusion. His hair combed back, his face not shadowed by the day. The blue in his eyes less vibrant than in yesterdays light, which she was grateful, so she didn’t keep staring at their impossible marvel. She didn’t know how long she stood there, frozen in a bubble of time. It wasn’t until his eyes raised and caught hers, locking onto her, a brief smile, his head tilting. She felt suddenly hot, even with freezing hands, she felt nothing. She couldn’t move for a brief moment, her feet not listening to her head. IT would be in good manners to go in, have a chat, and move on. She was invited, she accepted the invitation, it would be rude to not fulfill that. That seemed to be enough to propel her forward, with her own creaking of the heavy door, the dry air sweeping across her face, barely feeling the floor as she moved towards the booth in the corner. She noticed everything, his dark jeans as he stood, his shoulders filled the space, in a simple black sweater, a gold watch caught the light. Closer her body seemed to run towards him, she trying to stay in control, putting her small hand in his outreached hand, feeling less gracious than she was trying to be, he, then taking it with both of his, she felt his heat, how soft his palm was, his fingers over hers, how small she felt next to him. Everything about him was intoxicating, she didn’t know how she stay standing, this was bliss.

“Your hands are cold.”


	4. Bach, on a G String

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it a real date, or is just fantasy, caught in a land slide, her escape from reality......they chip away at each others walls, their safety barriers, do they show themselves as the real Henry and Aubrey?

Her lips so kissable and wet in the dim light, her hand, covered in his felt like…home. But he promised himself he wouldn’t rush it this time, even though he saw his future in the sparkle of her eyes. He didn’t know how long he held her hand, she didn’t pull back to let go either.

“Your hands are cold,” yes they were, and he felt like a god dam idiot if that was his first statement on an evening date, not date, just coffee, what was this supposed to be?? In his head, he was already bringing her home to meet his parents, adding her name to Kal dog tags.

“I’m sorry, they always get cold. I almost don’t even notice anymore.” Of course not, she was burning on the inside, his presence alone would warm her through an ice age. 

“Let me get you something warm, what would you like?” gesturing to a server to come take their order.

“Vanilla Latte, would be lovely”

The waiter appeared out of nowhere, only visible was her grey tie against a black dress shirt, Aubrey wouldn’t have been able to remember the face for how face their exchange took place, “Can we have a Vanilla Latte, Ill have a café con leche, and a plate of macaroons”

“So, shall we do all the normal introduction stuff…..you tell me things, I tell you things……how did we end up here?” finding confidence she didn’t know she had, usually to reserved to begin conversation. “I know your name, you know mine.”

“Yes, and I know you like vanilla lattes.” 

She felt a giggle escape, she tried not getting to comfortable, this was such an odd situation, she being such a no-body, sitting across from a chisel, beautiful man who seemed honestly interested in her. 

“So, actor….”

“Yep, and you?”

She hesitated, how else do you say retired before 30, dropped like bad habit and generally no clue what’s next. “Cashier,” with a layer of sarcasm. She felt her stare go hard, feeling that wall her sister says she has go up faster than the speed of light.

“Hmmm, Heather told me something else as well, teacher?”

“Well, not fully, I am helping a friend with fall pointe classes, her co-teacher just had a baby, and with Christmas and Nutcracker season, I’m available to help her.”

“Ah, dancer?”

“Former, sometimes the body give up for you I guess, replaced by a 15 year old professional that can stick the 32 fouettés and still not even sweat, because the company has a new director and he has his own favorites. It’s a world were 27 is old, 30 is even more rare. Art and passion mean nothing if your ankle about to give out because slowing down is a weakness, so you tape it up and hide it, and hope your partner is gentle with landings…, I’m rambling, I’m so sorry”

“And you?”

“29, wait, am I supposed to lie about that…. I’m fine really, I’ve lost touch with so many friends because of injury, or moving on, which is the polite way of saying broken beyond repair. This is such happy conversation, lets talk about you, you must have so great stories, traveled great places.” 

He had seen her tone change, a sadness drift over her face, being honest with him meant being honest with herself, how naked that could feel.

“Well, I’ve been to some amazing cities, but I don’t really get to see much in them. We are kind of wrangled, maybe, fixed to the hotel, and then to filming locations, a day off is either reading scripts or sleeping because you finally can. My passport looks amazing, well traveled, but if I had even one day to see sights or simply go somewhere, I would consider it a good trip, but I imagine like you, I’ve seen very little of the places I’ve been.”

“Sounds like we are playing Last Dessert.”

“Last Dessert?”

“The last piece of dessert goes to the one with the saddest story. And over exaggerating is highly encouraged. I used to pay this with a cast hiding eating disorders, I’m a champ at this”

“OK then, tell me the cities you’ve been in, that you only saw out of the window.”

“Ooh,, I’ve toured before, how about European or US?”

“Both..” they both barely noticed their beverages and a plate of beautiful cookies arriving to their table, Aubrey instinctively wrapping both hands around her cup. The froth was so decorated she barely wanted to drink it.

“Ok, Moscow, actually lived there under a exchange for a few months, it was our sponsors house or the theater, that was it.”

“Really,?”

“Milan, Munich, Barcelona, Argentina, I did get to a bar in Sydney, so does that count? In the States, we got lucky, they have dark Mondays, so at least we got to walk around whatever was happening Mondays. I could name more I guess, but they blur. I can tell you roads stories, or some amazing things the stage crews did for us while visiting, but the cities themselves, just as oblivious as never being there.”

“But you loved it, I hope you did.”

“Every last minute.” Pausing, lost of a moment in her own head, but Henry didn’t want to pull her from it, her face at ease with the world for this minute, so beautiful in the light, he could lose himself just staring at her. “Enough about me, this is a two way street, talk about you, is London home, where are you going next?”

“Well, usually people don’t ask about me, Henry, they want to know about the film, now a TV shows, my character, how much I lift, what workouts I do…..but never really about me. Hmmmm”

“I did google somethings when I got home yesterday, I did watch the Tudors years ago, so I’m not totally inept. I didn’t read everything, I know what gossip looks like.”

“Well then, not really much to tell, I have a dog, Kal, an Akita, he goes everywhere he can with me, especially if I’m out for a good stretch. I grew up in Jersey, so not here in England, but I went to boarding school north of here,” pausing, unsure of what else to really talk about, “I do have a mews here, which most people associate me living in London,” stopping again, a trained response to interviewing, something he thought he could step away from, but here he is, with someone genuinely interested in him, and he hesitates to be fully transparent. He also felt extraordinarily daft, he knew the life of a dancer, or any performer for that matter didn’t earn what it should for all the effort. He felt like an ass for mentioning extravagance. “I have 4 brothers, I’m near the end.”

“Wow, 5 boys all together? I can’t even…my sisters two are enough, let alone three more. Your mother must be a saint?”

“She is” 

Aubrey noticed a softness to his smile, falling at ease to conversation. “I have a sister and two brothers. My sister and I are two bookends. We were an interesting bunch growing up.”

“I met your sister yesterday?”

“Yes, Annie, well Annalise, but no one ever calls her that. Then there’s Thomas and Brandon, both teachers, surprisingly enough, they were hell raisers as teenagers. Then me at the end.”

“And your parents?”

Her face froze, out of guilt. She hadn’t thought about them in while. More than half her life without them, the sense of family was her sister and brothers. They were there, always in her heart, but memories, feelings. To talk about them felt foreign and unrehearsed.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up anything hurtful.”

“Its ok, they were killed in a car crash when I nearly 14. Annie dropped out of college to be my guardian. We were lucky to keep the house so we could stay a family. It sounds like a B movie, or a bad novel opening. Orphans left alone in the world.” She paused, she hadn’t ever said so much about that part of her life to very few people. “But we stuck together. I think we turned out fine. I do have Annie to thank for that.” She said her resolve and for Henry, that had to be enough for now.   
“So, you said you were only here a few days. Where to next?”

“Interview circuit, junkits for promotion,” anything he said after that would sound dreadfully self-centered. The life that comes with fame, the part you play when talking about anything day after day, to the same questions, interview after interview. He felt like a prat in comparison to her. “We were busy earlier this year filming in Hungary. The release is at the end of December on Netflix. The Witcher.”

“What’s it about? This is where I do feel a bit detached for the rest of the world. Should I know something about it? I skipped a lot, Dr. Who, Black Mirror, when everyone was talking about them, I read all the Harry Potters, but never got to see all the films. Netflix does help me catch up, so there is that.”  
“Think Lord of the Rings, but more corrupt society, and people live insanely long lives. No rings, but jewelry is just as important. But there is sword fighting and horses, maidens. To summarize it in a few sentences.”

“Intriguing. I will definitely binge that.”

A cellist had taken the small stage, a bit of introductory applause drew their attention away from each other. The opening vibrato of well trained hands, Aubrey could immediately identify it, she had stretched to it and many like it for years.

“Bach, Air on a G- String”

“I didn’t know the Baroque Masters got kinky with G-Strings…” laughing at himself, but hoping she wouldn’t be offended. If this was the time to be an ass, this was going to be it, sweating a bit at her hesitation to respond. 

“Hm?”, maybe ignoring his boyish response, but having a little fun, “If I live half a life most famous musicians led, many died of STDs would have women throwing themselves like rock stars. Bach I’m not sure, but Paganini, Liszt, their eras version of KISS, U2. They weren’t throwing their panties, but cleavage for days on some of those dresses, rushing hotel lobbies, passing out in concert halls..”

“Not much politeness in polite society?”

“If I slipped my bra off now and swung it around, it would be equivalent.”

“Dare you!”

“No, gosh Henry, reading the tabloids tomorrow, ‘Henry Cavill flashed at coffee house during Bach set, girl committed, it was supposed to be her G-String, not her bra!’….the education of youth spoiled in South Kensington”

He let a laugh out so hard, they got shot glances from another table, Aubrey could melt at the look of him trying to control himself. 

“Actually, how is it we don’t have the evening interrupted by flash bulbs and intruding guests,?”

“Well, I visit here enough, the staff knows to keep things light, plus even though I bet you can find what my net worth is, Im still not ‘worthy’ enough for some here, like I’m new money in old money society, so some of these in this very room could care less.”

“How unfortunate for them, net worth would be the last thing I would google about you.”

“Really?, how hopefully honest of you.”

“If you must know, you can find something about me as well, when I was in Munich, I ended up on the poster for Firebird,” pulling out her phone, typing something quickly, handing it over for him to see, “I was the understudy actually, but the Artistic Director like this one better and went with it. My dance captain ripped it apart though, my posture was bad, I didn’t point hard enough in that lift.”

Henry cast his eyes over her screen, Aubrey in a impossible pose, feathers nearly pasted to a modern costume of red and burnt orange but lost of nude fabric, her lips painted red, hair loosely braided. It was ecstasy, for a brief moment, he could image her figure sliding over his body, he being the one to lift her in such a pose.

“Beautiful”

“It was so hard to get, hair doesn’t cooperate, especially when it down.” She suddenly felt naked, he seeing her, forgetting that costume did raise a few eyebrows. She pocketed her phone quickly, hoping he would forget. “What time is it?”

“Just a touch past 11.”

“I need to shove off then, I start tomorrow at my new job, I need to be there by 730, rested and not rolling in looking all haggard.”

“This was just getting interesting. If I drove you home, would you stay longer?”

“Don’t bother yourself out of your way, I imagine your day tomorrow is just as busy.”

“I usually don’t get told no, you might be the first. Where is home? You know something about me, that I don’t know about you.”

“Chiswick Acton-ish, not the posh part.”

“My god that’s over an hour away, I must insist-“

“Henry, is been a great evening. Thank you for such great conversation. You promised it would be diverting, and most certainly was.”

“This is a war I won’t win, will I?”

“No..”

“May I call you again?”

She hesitated, not knowing why, scared really, as this was so perfect, everything was just so…”Yes”

He grabbed her hand, not wanting to let her go, trying to take in every last thing about her. “Good night, Aubrey,”

“Good Night, Henry.” She caught his eyes, now so blue she almost couldn’t walk away. But she had to get back to reality, a stark tube ride home. They stood in frozen pose, locked in hands, unaware of everything around them, he not letting her slip away, and she not willing to give in to her desire.

“Thank you, for everything” sliding out of his warm hand, not looking back, rushing to the door before loosing herself. A tear slipped down her cheek, hidden by the rain. For a few brief moments, she was happy, not planning to be, or working towards someone expectations of what they wanted her to be. She knew what is was like to be free. She got a taste, and she wanted more of it. Of him, the sight of him, the look on his face looking at her, his smile, everything.

Henry, felt the color leave his eyes, the evening dull without her. She gave him hope, to want to see the real Henry, not an image stuck in what he was supposed to be. It felt real, like what 50 year anniversaries are made of, children’s birthday parties, and Christmas mornings. He wanted more of it, and would anything she said to win her.


	5. Promise and Compromise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I did something I didn't intend purposefully, a character will rename nameless, only by occupation, but she might garner one later.  
> It's getting real, could be the beginning of them against the world.

“So….” Standing at the stove, waiting for the kettle , Annie trying not to prod, but knowing how to push her younger sisters buttons.

“So…..what?” still trying to get the cobwebs out of her eyes, more than expecting this inquisition before sunrise.

“Any single women in London would have done anything to switch places with you last night, and I get nothing, not a quip, not an iota of insider information…?”

“He ordered a coffee I’ve never heard of before, and the macaroons were the best I ever had. Is that enough?”

“No… will there be more of these late night coffee sessions?”

“Not really sure, he actually has a talent for deflecting, didn’t really talk much about himself. He has a dog, and Akita” , filing her cup, heading to the refrigerator to try to not have to look her sister in the eye.

“Everyone knows that, Kal-El, after his Superman name, fluffy as get up. You have to give me more…like, I don’t know…did he pay attention to you or his phone?”

“If it were any other date, you wouldn’t be so in my face about it.”

“If it were any other date, I would be asking other things, because I know what happens. You try to be their everything, and you forget about you. You don’t have to keep being the person that compromises for everything.” 

“Stop….Annie, please,” she knew she was right, all those little flutters just thinking about him, that was lust and biology, not really anything to plant anything real against… _but the way his hands felt around hers… ___

__“I just need to prepare myself for the fall out,” so matter of fact, it was a tad disturbing. Annie couldn’t take any more keeping everybody else up, didn’t matter who she was seeing, or not seeing. “You know its not fair to you or to me if this gets dragged out.”_ _

__“It was nothing, just coffee, no tabloids, no pictures. I promise it was…”_ _

__“God Aubrey, the look on your face is hopelessly pathetic,” shaking her towel damp hair, finishing her morning run around. “If its nothing, don’t waste any more time on it, and don’t make promises to yourself either.”_ _

__“Thanks for the prep talk,” covered with sass, “I might as well go and face the music.”_ _

__“Its earning cash Aubs, self sufficient,…..you might actually like it…a nice change. RYAN, TOBY YOU’RE RUNNING LATE ALREADY, good luck!”_ _

__“See you later, need anything for the store on the way home?”_ _

__“Red, white…doesn’t matter….what ever goes with left overs,” disappearing around the corner running upstairs to stir her teenagers, again._ _

__“Ill see what I can do.”_ _

__The walk to the corner café wasn’t far, the sun barely giving light to grey overhanging clouds. Cars with faceless drivers, headlights almost blinding, the wet and muck tinging the day she already didn’t want to start. She felt like this was going to be the place she would start over, but get stuck and settle to staying. She would spend so much time waiting, balancing a bit of teaching and this job, 5 years would go by without notice, still walking to work, from her sisters house. People would pass by, know her as the girl in the coffee shop, but forget she had a name, even though she wore the required name tag.  
What tainted it more depressing was the feeling of last night, simple conversation, with no pretense or weight to make it more, nearly an hour of two people enjoying each other company, both deeply wanting something primeval from the other, that would make even the heavens jealous. A craving was awakened she was not ready to balance, something that time seemed to forget she was needing more of. When so many doors closed at once, hard to find footing in the direction she was meant to lead, and this development, that occupied so much of her mind, made everything else so much harder to navigate. He, who’s name she didn’t even tempt herself to say, made everything else seem so dull._ _

__Aubrey found herself already at the door, not sure if she would stretch her hand forward to open it, but in that hesitation, the sun peaked through the clouds brilliantly scattering colors against the glass, vibrant gold and red, if even brief, bringing a faint smile to her face. It was enough to prope  
her through the door, with a bit of hope placed in this day, thinking only forward.  
******************************************************_ _

__

__With slight hesitation, outside his door, not knowing what she would be walking into, awkward conversation with an unknown girl, those that seem to stay a tad too long, start planning for things that are truly out of their control. Doing everything she cant to not pass judgement, she never liked any of them anyway, not that there were many, but they all seemed to be after something intangible, not that she could put her finger on it. But it wasn’t her place, no matter how bad the break up went, behind closed doors. She had to act like nothing effected her reactions and the only thing she had to worry about was what was next, where he needed to be, what he should be wearing, not the broken heart, the nights too quiet, the new car or motorbike that was a cover to an ache he couldn’t show. At least there was Kal, that smush of face, would be home with him, for the aftermath. And most likely to greet her at the door this morning. Her knuckles hammering the thick door, white washed white oak, made to look like the stable it once used to be, and cold making it a tad painful this morning._ _

__“Come in, I’m almost ready.”_ _

__“Really, I wont believe it,” pushing the heavy wood slab to the bright open floor. He was already prepped for a day of interviews. Showered, as she liked him easy for the hair dresser. Something around his temple caught her eye, maybe a speck of grey, or maybe not, just the glisten of freshly washed hair still damp…hmmmm. She caught herself staring, pulled herself out of it, stopping from treating his features as thing to change._ _

__“Do you have my suit I’m supposed to wear?”_ _

__“Yes, they sent 2 shirts, but I think the tie is too busy, I grabbed a solid one just in case, we can pick at the studio. They made no stipulations.”_ _

__“Good, did you have breakfast, can we stop for something on the way?”_ _

__“Who are you and where is Henry Cavill?”_ _

__“You like Starbucks, and it can be a cheat day.”_ _

__“You never like ties at all, begging for a regular shirt, and aren’t you on a fixed schedule right now for whatever your trainer has you on?”_ _

__“Just to try something different, it’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?”_ _

__“Its raining and cold, as grey as steel and just as lifeless, but sure beautiful day….Kal, what happened last night?” actually staring at the dog expecting an answer, but got nothing._ _

__“Nothing happened last night, if you must know.”_ _

__“My apologies, I wasn’t trying to pry, nor inquire about your personal time.”_ _

__“Don’t worry about it, it was a wonderful evening, wasn’t it Kal?”_ _

__The fluff decided to leave the conversation, disgusted by the interruption of his busy morning, occupied with his day of bone chewing, finding new places to rest, and probably watching birds out the window. They both laughed at his candor, as if attitude was conveyed in his tail curl._ _

__“The car service will be here momentarily, last chance for something to eat, although I imagine the studio will have the usual.”_ _

__“What does the afternoon look like, do I have sometime free?”_ _

__“You have, well, after the junk-it at the hotel, you still have Graham Norton tonight, but that should wrap up about 730, the latest. I was able to schedule a late lunch for a bit of peace and quiet, if everything runs on time, but I’m not actually holding out for that.”_ _

__“Damm, I didn’t want to wait that long.”_ _

__“Today is a tad full, before heading out to New York, that’s tomorrow afternoon, don’t forget.”_ _

__“I hope she understands..” almost under his breath, as he filled Kals water dish while getting ready to head out._ _

__“Whom, do I need to contact….wait…is there something that I can take care of for you?”_ _

__“No, something I want to save for myself today”_ _

__“The car is here, I have everything for today, and Ill see about Starbucks, maybe I can slip out while you are getting prepped at the studio this morning,” feeling a tad guilty about the time line of his day. She knew last night did something to cheer is demeanor. She hadn’t seen him possess that much vigor for a day that was such a chore. She knew seeing his cast mates would make it much more bearable; and usually, they pull through a tad bit closer, like comrades in arms dealing with the mundane responses time and time again. This was just the beginning of press and travel, loosing track of days, time zones, always wearing a smile, no matter how much makeup is hiding the dark circles from that red eye flight because schedules wouldn’t allow for anything but. At least she could block off tonight, take nothing after filming and just let him be, to do whatever he felt he needed, if he had any energy left at all.  
*************************_ _

__The music is her ears had to be different, it wasn’t classical, it wasn’t an overplayed ballet, it wasn’t anything they would use for warm up class. It was current, with words, maybe even a sappy love story, words to hum to, walk a tad faster to the beat. Maybe even think about going to concert with band t shirts and glow sticks, an evening out with friends, to sing at the top of her lungs, and not think about the next day. Things she couldn’t ever plan, just hear about others with what she would consider normal lives. Day jobs in offices with business attire and a pair of killer high heels, weekends off to make plans, to wear jeans, go to used book stores, find quirky antique shops. To think outside a rehearsal hall, that closets were more than sweats, tights and leotards, something she never allowed herself to do, and for once, just be normal, or least a taste of it. Just as Aubrey was getting into the next track, her phone rang, aggravated by the intrusion of sound, but seeing the caller brightened her spirit, she could confide in someone other than her sister._ _

__“Aubrey, what’s the dish, who was it this time? Guitarist? No wait, book critic, or wants to be but still can’t get published.”_ _

__“Not exactly,..”_ _

__“So it was a date?”_ _

__“Just coffee, but I promise I would never lie to you, ever.”_ _

__“Fine, I will believe anything you tell me.”_ _

__“Ok, please don’t…just don’t laugh…..Henry Cavill.”_ _

__Dead silence, not even static, not a tunnel to blame for it, she couldn’t even hear her breathing._ _

__“Lanea, are you there?”_ _

__“Yep, and I’m looking up requirements for getting committed to the looney bin. Are you mad? Did you fall for an imposter?”_ _

__“No, I didn’t even know who he was. I haven’t been in the real world for a while, tell me the last movie you saw?”_ _

__“Right, I get it, we’ve been tour bound for a while. Could you make up someone more realistic, like one of the extras from Harry Potter, there has to be thousands of them all grown up now, but Henry Cavill?”_ _

__“We just had coffee, he felt bad to intruding on us at the festival Sunday, his brother was being a bit stodgy. He insisted. And anyway, it was just coffee.”_ _

__“You said that twice, are you still on the ground, it sounds like you are flying just talking about him.”_ _

__“He was really nice.”_ _

__“Did you at least get a kiss, an autograph, can I find you in a paper somewhere?”_ _

__“No, I only shook his hand, it wasn’t like that at all.”_ _

__“Sure, just get your head out of the clouds for a second, don't be a notch in his belt. I might have something for you. Someone took a tumble over at National, a snow queen, and an alternate for variations, can I suggest you?”_ _

__“Who’s choreo….wait Mikka there, isn’t he? I thought they went totally modern..”_ _

__“Mikka left, so you have anything to worry about. I wouldn’t ask you if he still was. They went traditional, usual torture, tulle and all. Two weeks, that all, most everyone is still out touring, and its mostly the typical kids show.”_ _

__“Can I think about it?”_ _

__“Let me know by Thursday.”_ _

__“That’s fair. I just started at a coffee house at home, that’s got to sustain me after, in the real world, but its just mornings, should work.”_ _

__“Great, I think you will like it over there, the all act like adults, just to let you know, how is the new job? Doing foam art yet?”_ _

__“Not a lot of that, mostly coffee to go, in and out, some latte’s, a lot of tea. People that stick around for the free wifi usually get the little pot, but its only day one, so I really can’t go off of that just yet.”_ _

__“Sounds boring, to be honest, sorry.”_ _

__“Don’t be, not a lot of action just yet, but we are launching the Christmas designer coffees next week….kill me, only day and already spewing the sales.”_ _

__“Getting out of your sisters is the target, right?”_ _

__“Yeah, I mean she doesn’t hang that over my head or anything, just weird for the boys to have me there.”_ _

__“I have you for class tomorrow, right?”_ _

__“Wouldn’t miss it, I’ll need studio time if I take the show, and yours if free, right?”_ _

__“Touché, but sure, anytime is your time.”_ _

__“Thanks. Ill see you tomorrow.”_ _

__“Bring that boyfriend of yours..”_ _

__“Lanea, stop dreaming, it was just coffee.”_ _

__“Sure, keep telling yourself that.”_ _

__Aubrey let out a small smile at the thought, but he was probably just being nice, nothing he said or did felt like there was going to be more, except the offer to drive her home, holding her hand for what could have been seconds. Time had paused for her, just to feel him, warm and safe. But she promised herself she couldn’t live her life in fairy tales, or trying to be someone else’s perfect. She had to be perfect on her own, just as she was; with her feet on the ground.  
********************************_ _

__Sitting on the couch, bone tired, with Kal spread across his feet, he wanted nothing else but to hear her voice. He waited all day, this being a gift to himself, with no one else around to ask to many questions. He wanted to keep it innocent, pure, without getting twisted by management spinning it for good timing, or someone on his arm for a red carpet._ _

__Pulling is phone off the table, ignoring messages and a few texts, he tried pulling her number, his palms sweating immediately making it nearly impossible.  
“Kal, what’s come over me, I’ m not 15 trying to line up a snog behind the pitch..” the dog only turning his head as if he truly understood, grunting a tad, lying is head back down as if to convey indifference._ _

__“You are supposed to be my wingman,” finally getting his fingers to cooperate. His heart jumped in this throat, suddenly unsure how to begin the simplest conversation, worried he would blurt out something stupid. The third ring, he began to fear she wouldn’t pick up at all; maybe it was a bad time, maybe she was with someone else, maybe she had no intention at all of letting him call her, maybe she….._ _

__“Hello…”_ _

__And with that simple salutation, he found new energy, fear fell away and was replaced by bliss. He felt a resonance in his chest, a warmth spread throughout his body, a pure relaxation swept over by the sound of her voice._ _

__“Aubrey, its Henry”_ _

__“Henry…”_ _

__“Is it to late, I know you started early today,” god how he wanted to reach through his phone just to be near her._ _

__“This is fine, it not late at all. Actually, good timing. Annie had a few choice words, a she likes sharing her opinions about things she shouldn’t have an opinion about.”_ _

__“Family usually does, don’t they? I’ve had my share of spats, sometimes furniture has even been broken, but no bones. So, its all good. And of everything I;ve learned, they really do wants what’s best for you. You can share anything with me, I bet Ill have absolutely no opinion.”_ _

__Laughing a bit, letting out a breath, “You had interviews today, aren’t you tired?”_ _

__“Not for this,” pausing, hesitating of being to honest, crushing intimacy, going to fast for simple conversation._ _

__“Well, I was offered a roll, for coverage with England National, just for Nutcracker, simple 2 weekend run, nothing big. Most of the principals are still out on tour, who was supposed to cover it fell, so it opens and I might take it.”_ _

__“Sounds interesting.”_ _

__“It’s a great company to work for, usually not so open door, but t’is the season for such things. Might as well grab it right?”_ _

__“When a door opens,”_ _

__“Exactly, Annie thinks I should concentrate on finding a night school or something, getting a certificate in auditing or accounting.”_ _

__“Many in my family are in finance, I would imagine I could get some suggestion of where to start.”_ _

__“Its not a second chance…”_ _

__“Rarely are they given.”_ _

__“The money is a nice boost, which she can’t argue with me on that.”_ _

__“Why are you hesitating?”_ _

__“I promised myself, I would be done.”_ _

__“Who was that promise for, you? If given 5 seconds to say yes or no, without hesitation, what would you say?”_ _

__“Yes”_ _

__“Then that is everything.”_ _

__“Its against common sense.”_ _

__“Most things are.”_ _

__“Ill spend 3 hours on a train a day, two hours in makeup and warms ups, for 2 minutes on stage, I’d love to skip bows for this one, for all its worth.”_ _

__“That’s dedication, something I completely understand, regardless of what you may find written otherwise.”_ _

__“Could you make Annie do the same?”_ _

__“Probably not, I do know a thing about older siblings, they are hard to convince otherwise.”_ _

__“Quite right, enough about me today. You honestly sound tired.”_ _

__“I’m not, my voice might be.” Tired wasn’t the right word, to the bone exhausted would have been more appropriate. But she was worth it._ _

__“If I were where you are now, I would make you tea.”_ _

__“I can arrange that,” knowing what he wants to do with you her, more like claiming her as his._ _

__“Making tea, please tell me you have a kettle, an appropriate stove kettle, something that whistles, not electric”_ _

__“Coming here, I would love to invite you here.” He knew that statement might take a bit to digest, even shocked at his own comfort to offers the invitation. There was  
a bit a of silence, any longer he would think she either ended the conversation or passed out on the floor, not wanting any of those scenarios, he figured he should speak next. “I know it is late, I’m assuming you have to work early again tomorrow, but I would have loved to see you in person.”_ _

__“It would have been nice after this day.”_ _

__He could tell there was a bit of sadness in her voice, something draining, maybe settling thinking about the day after. “What do you have tomorrow, what about lunch?  
Would you be able to come for lunch?”_ _

__“My shift ends at 11, I can head your way after.”_ _

__Surprised, “I will send a car service, I insist and wont take no for an answer.”_ _

__“That would be fine, I would appreciate that.”_ _

__He was expecting a bit more of a dodge, almost sliding into his Napoleon Solo word savvy demeanor, but without the need for a work around. It was almost too easy. “No backing out now, forgetting to meet someone somewhere else. I will have you kid napped if that is the case.”_ _

__“There won’t be any need, although disappearing for a while does sound enticing,” her voice letting a bit of a tale tell sign of how tired she was also. And maybe he was taking advantage of that, but he stopped thinking of in that fashion. He was simply planning to have lunch with a wonderful girl._ _

__“Text me where you will be at 11 tomorrow,” hoping to learn where she worked, letting his mind wonder to surprising her in the future._ _

__“I would actually need your number, you still come across as blocked, which is fine, I totally understand.”_ _

__“I am texting it to you now, I will arrange everything. I have to be honest, I’m flying to New York tomorrow late afternoon, but I have this amazing kitchen I don’t use as often as I should, we would not be as interrupted as going out. Would you mind coming here, I promise, just lunch.”_ _

__“You kept to your promise, coffee was just coffee, I am also assuming I get to meet Kal?”_ _

__“He will be my maître de,” hearing her laugh was beyond soothing, wanting nothing to end of this conversation._ _

__“New York City, near the holidays, it is wonderful. I hope you get to see something of it. It least Rockefeller, the tree, the store windows. Gosh, I sound like a child .”_ _

__“Not at all, just enjoying things for all that they offer, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.”_ _

__Aubrey trailed a bit, her voice softening in tranquility, “One of the cities where walking would be enough, there is enough to see simply taking a stroll. Finding all  
those restaurants no one ever writes about, that the locals know about and keep it a secret. Corner flower stores, the artists in parks…I’m getting lost in my head”_ _

__“Not a bad place to be… I will try to save a little time for that.” promising himself he would try, to see it as she did. There was a bit of innocence in that, he forgot such things existed._ _

__“How was today?”_ _

__“Actually, not to bad, it was good to see everyone again, and some journalists actually did their home work. Refreshing, for once.”_ _

__“Well, Mr. Cavill, are there capes in this series, many of your characters wear capes..?” sounding playful._ _

__“No capes, but leather, there lots of leather,” seductively, leaving little to imagine what he was thinking about._ _

__“Hmmmm,”the resonance driving Henry to an edge he shouldn’t have been skirting, the imagine of Aubrey in that poster, his mind wondering even further, “…and horses.”_ _

__He broke his focus from the obvious, “I actually I miss Zeus, I was talking about him today, and it made me realize how much I miss him.”_ _

__“Time does that, makes us forget what we really want.”_ _

__“Compromise, how often we have to compromise working toward what we want, and then forgetting what it was we set out for. And the irony of that is the word promise, is most of what makes up compromise. Why is that?”_ _

__“I’ve never thought about it in that way, makes me never want to promise anything to myself again,”_ _

__“No, it means we should never compromise, when it comes to the things that we really want,” with conviction, like a script he read once before, almost hallowing the realization. “I promise, with you as my witness, to have a lovely afternoon, with you tomorrow, no compromises.”_ _

__“As your witness to such a declaration, I will make sure there is no reason to compromise, tomorrow will be lovely,” at ease, without jesting to what could be a simple invitation. “What time do you need to head to New York?”_ _

__“Let’s not worry about that, I want tomorrow to be….”, near her, to see her grey eyes, see her smile, just be close, breathe her in, “whatever it ends up to be. Simply lunch.”__

____“I’d like that, what ever it ends up to be,” a pause, holding back words her heart would love to share. “I do need to wrap up for the night, I don’t want to, but getting up will be so hard already.”_ _ _ _

____“That is just fine, but I will see you tomorrow.”_ _ _ _

____“Most definitely,”_ _ _ _

____“No compromises,” he couldn’t bare the thought of not seeing her._ _ _ _

____“I promise,” a bit of giddiness escaped in her voice, “Good night, Henry.”_ _ _ _

____“Good Night Aubrey,” damming his heart, falling harder than he expected. He knew tomorrow wouldn’t be enough time, he would want more. He couldn’t indulge that voice, he knows the consequence, he had that many times before. Compromising the wrong things, letting others balance time. But this was different; she was different, wanting nothing from him, but simply wanting of him, and that was something precious to fight for._ _ _ _


	6. Dance with me

Changing in the bathroom, Aubrey started to over think everything, her clothes, her make-up, deciding to go at all. She thought over the conversation, how easy he was to talk to, how amazing he was at making her feel safe. She had to turn off the learned responses, something she trained her mind to block out, fear, pain, giving into expectation. It wasn’t fair to Henry to be afraid, to not even try. Her limited wardrobe seemed a bit worn, relying on a warmup sweater, so soft to the touch, light and warm, but still pretty, and easy wrap skirt and tights, hidden by her favorite grey legwarmers peeking over her boots, she felt like herself, not overly made, not fake. 

Aubrey had her class clothes and her working clothes, tucked into her sister’s favorite leather bag, borrowing without asking, hiding her day within. She knew Annie would understand, she couldn’t go to lunch with her worn out gym bag; asking for forgiveness was just easier, Annie didn’t know about today, and Aubrey was going to do everything to keep it that way. 

Heading out of the café, she saw a sleek black sedan waiting for her, the driver waiting by the back passenger door. Aubrey unfamiliar with the unwritten rules, as to what’s appropriate beyond a simple greeting. The driver was well dressed in a simple black suit, with well polished dress shoes, white crisp shirt, black tie. A pin on his lapel, insignia of sorts, beautifully sewn black leather gloves covered his hands. His face, trustworthy and approachable.

“Good Day! You are?”

“Aubrey Denison, I hope I haven’t kept you waiting?”

“Wonderful, not at all, we are still on time,” holding the door open for her.

“Thank you,” noticing how trained his hands were, thumb distinctly over the latch, fingers wrapped perfectly around the polished chrome handle. He even shut the door quietly, not to disturb the quietness of the interior. Warm leather, the color of sable, exquisitely sculpted over the shape of the seats, even the scent was oozing in luxury. As beautiful as it was, she felt a tad unrefined to be sitting there, with bag full of smelly clothes and sweat filled shoes, worried about getting mud on the carpet. She decided clutching her bag in complete silence, would best fulfill the drive. Looking preoccupied with gazing out the window, she started to fear seeming rude to the chauffeur. Glancing forward, he seemed intent on keeping focused on driving, possibly reading her as terrified, allowing to keep to herself. She had never paid attention so much to the area they were heading, the architecture, the bareness of the trees in the parks, noticing something as small as the change in the lamp posts, simple where she lived, ornate by all the museums. Even the shops changed, simple corner stores and bars, move to boutiques, perfumeries, tailors. Luxuries meant for other people, feeling like an impostor in a foreign land. Aubrey had to get out of her head, today wasn’t about location, it was about seeing him, keeping a promise.

Turning down a stone alley, down a row of converted horse stables, trendy and modern but their true age giving character. Her nerves getting the best of her, her hands shaking, her leg bobbing, the anticipation burning through her, all unjustified. She wanted to see him, to be near him, it didn’t matter where, feeling a bit ashamed of her own insecurities. Being nearly naked on stage did not compare, had no reason to, she was not being judged nor ridiculed, she was allowed to be here. With the car finally stopping, she let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, unsure of what to do, wait to be let out, or just to do it herself. The chauffeur’s quick exit answered that for her, and she waited the few seconds for him, noticing a nose pressed into an upper window, belonging to a dog. Immediately she relaxed, laughing at art left on the window, and the curtains ruffling still. 

Aubrey could her footsteps running down stairs, the sound carrying through the door, so unassuming to who was behind it, nearly passable if she could ever find the same side alley again. She was drinking in everything, the simple post box, a neighbors collections of potted dead flowers, a football flag down further, red and brown leaves twirling in the never ending breeze. The door opened without a notice, she only felt the heat off another body enter her presence, his scent entered her nose first, hitting to the core. Every damming thought fleeted from her brain, her soul centered itself, and for even just a moment, everything could be right with the world. 

“Thank you, Morgan, the same for the afternoon.”

“My pleasure” entering back into drivers seat, and disappearing around the corner, Aubrey listening to his tires leave the cobblestone.

“Its so good to see you,” gesturing to give her a hug, which she didn’t hesitate. 

She felt his hard body, through his clothes, his arms wrapped around her shoulders, encompassing her, she lifted on her toes just a bit to match his height, her cheek brushing his, her body begging for more. She wasn’t sure how long he held her, but letting her drift back down, letting her go was something she didn’t want to end. 

“We better get inside, its starting to rain.”

Aubrey was oblivious to this, feeling nothing of the crisp wind, wetness covering her jacket. She only felt his hand in hers leading her into his house. Something so personal, someone’s home, where they let their guard down, and she was gifted with secret space, she would nothing to mar this.

“I forgot to ask you, what you like, to eat, I hope you don’t mind I took liberties?”

“Not at all,” her hand still in his, taking her through an entry, to an open floor, seeing bits of his personal life in one gaze. Beautiful windows overlooking greenery, where his computer desk sat, full of gismos and things she wouldn’t even know what to do with, a couch anchoring a throw rug in the middle of the open space, facing a large TV, so slim it practically melted into the wall. A bar with two stools, divided the kitchen from the living room, but there still was a beautifully laid out table for two. 

“Would you like something to warm you up? Coffee, tea?”

“Tea sounds lovely,” noticeably still holding his hand, feeling her cheeks flare with red out of embarrassment. She let her finger slide away, as he drifted towards the kitchen. Little did she know what to do with herself, quickly finding herself drawn to the bar, to watch him in the kitchen.  
Kal had made it around her legs, sitting and staring deep into her, as most animals do, putting his lead on her lap. She instinctively ran her fingers in a circle between his ears, amazed at his softness. 

“Kal, go lay down,” and Kal responded, with a bit a hesitation.

“He’s fine, so soft.”

“He usually doesn’t do that, but if I let him get away with little things, he’ll start ruling the roost” putting finishing touches on plates. 

Beautifully colored greens tossed in a vinaigrette filled a clear bowl, toasted baguettes with a white soft cheese, with ribbons of prosciutto, grilled vegetables touched with herbs, no books laid out to follow, and even now with simple tea, he knew his way around a kitchen.

“It smells wonderful, looks amazing. So cooking, hidden talent? Or back up profession?” thinking about many times being a waitress, working until 4am, just to make it work in the beginning, how many she worked with doing the same, singers, actors, all waiting for their time in the light.

“My mother taught us all to know the inner workings of a kitchen, and I actually enjoy creating….something….edible” almost letting to much of himself out in the open. “Would you like wine on the table? I know it’s a tad early, but the prosciutto goes so well with this red I first tasted in Italy.”  
“Show it to me as you would see it best,” her eyes catching his, seeing a bit of brown craved into just one, being a bit playful, but hoping to allow him to just be Henry, going out of his way to spend time with her, as best as he could. 

“This should warm you up,” setting a modern tea cup and saucer in front of her, a small spot of cream in a side pot and spoon, catching himself watching her add to her liking, as if to know for a later time how she would take her tea. The light made a simple chain and tiny charm shimmer, a tall ship on a compass, barely peaking above her sweater. He had to watch her hands hold the cup, lifting it towards he face, heat rising, closing her eyes with the first sip, her beautifully long lashes, her lips puckering as she set it back down, he had to stop staring, or he wouldn’t make it to the table. “Better?”

“So much, thank you” 

“I think I have everything, why don’t we sit?”

Henry’s large hands carried everything as they both sat down, across from each other. He made light work of the cork, pouring into her wine glass perfectly. She waiting until her placed his napkin to place hers. 

“One second, the end of the road is so quiet, I think a little music is in order….plus I swear these walls have ears,” joking but maybe not. Little details always slipping out when they weren’t intended, not sure where they were leaking. A little alternative acoustic seemed to fit.  
“Everything is perfect, I don’t think is anything else you could do, come sit.” 

His nerves were also getting in the way, terrified of letting his desires take over. He wanted to touch her hair, run his fingers through waves of softness, he craved touching her skin, her cheek was velvet against his, her scent was intoxicating, awakening thoughts primeval, he needed to behave. He wanted to simply enjoy her, get caught staring into her eyes, an impossible grey, fractured by bits if hazel. He could listen to her voice for hours, didn’t matter what they talked about, he already figured that out at the coffee house. And here she is, sitting in his house, trusting him, falling into the innocence of new love, and that was not wasted on him. 

“How was your shift this morning?”

“Mundane, to be honest. If people looked away from their phones, maybe I would have a simple conversation, get to know what I’m told are the regulars. But no, just running to the tube on their way to where ever next is. Or using the wifi, buying the minimum to sit for three hours and do god only knows what, I’m sorry I’m complaining, my co-workers are wonderful, so far I just haven’t had much time to get to know them.”

“I’m actually sorry, They are missing out on….” how beautiful you are…”lifting their eyes to the world around them.”

“Truly, Im just waiting for a person to walk into the door, oblivious. It would actually be comical, but would I even be able to laugh out loud? Doubt it. I need to be kinder in my thoughts, never good to start thinking that way.”

“I feel bad for people walking within their own little worlds, a simple greeting of good morning could go so far”

“Agreed, I think it a bit generational as well, my nephew yesterday, didn’t make a sound, huge headphones on all day, was just a presence in the house, I laid eyes on him, but never actually said anything. I have to assume when he’s with his friends he might actually say words, but even at the dinner table, its nothing, no communication. I see every teenager like that though. Even some of my students, after class, ear buds in, and out the door.”

“Is the act of communicating getting lot to the ages? Just simple posts, and a picture on social media? Whomever said a picture is worth a thousand words, probably never thought about the lack of discussion, posts are simply liked or hearted, but never asked about. When was the last time someone asked you the context of something you posted?”

“Its been so long, usually just a thumbs up or smiley face.”

“But they don’t ask for deeper meaning.”

“Rarely ever. I would imagine you would be cautious, you could write full essays on some of the pictures you post, or spend all your time responding to fans, that would be exhausting.”

“Which ones?”

“Hmmm?”

“Which post fascinated you the most? I want to see if you did any homework”

“Sounds like I’m stalking,” laughing at the hole she dug herself, watching his eyes glint in fascination, “there was one, you were on a boat, wearing white pants, I  
don’t know why that stuck me as memorable,”

“The photo”

“The white pants,”

“Really?”

Letting it hang a bit, sassy wasn’t something she was, but this was a bit fun, “ but the water was so blue, the hillside so picturesque, I could have spent a month living in that picture, probably getting burnt daily, but where ever that was, just beautiful”.

“It was, Italy, and even better the people were fantastic. I have business dealing there, somewhat, home base for a company is here in London, I am a stakeholder.”

“Sounds interesting, but nerve-racking at the same time. Heavy with responsibility, nothing done of a whim. Every decision you make trickles down to effecting many. What is it you are involved with?”

“Rosemary water, it works for me, it works as a anti-inflammatory for others, people live to over a hundred in the town where they get the rosemary from, and it grows wild there. Something that could be shared, so I helped share it. Not just water though, they have created extracts that ship better, shipping case of water from Italy probably cost prohibitive.”

“Good thinking.”

“Have you made a decision about National yet? Are you going to take it?”

“Yes, even if it just for me. The other part of that was alternate for one of the bigger roles, not exactly making rehearsals easy to manage. I haven’t even mentioned that to Annie yet, more rehearsal for nothing actually. Alternates are the back up plan no one ever wants to use. I haven’t met my partner for it yet.”

“Partner?”

“Yes, typical overly romanticized ballet stuff. Hopefully he can lift worth a dam, that’s why leads are sometimes so skinny, being dropped is never good, and they men have to bound a jump like gravity isn’t something they subscribe to, and also throw people around like nothing. Double edge sword”

“I may know a thing about lifting things..”

“You look like you could, but could you balance on your toes?” playing coy “20 minutes of barre and I bet you would never touch it again.”

“That is a challenge I will take you up on, I don’t back down that easily.” tipping his head down a little, darkening his smile.

“After New York, we shall see,” her mind did what she didn’t want, putting him and her together in one of her safest places, imagining their bodies layered together, sweaty and strong, her flying, him griping her in extasy. She already had the music in her head, the smell of resin, more of him

“Where did you go?, you went somewhere in your head.” 

Aubrey regarded his face, inquiring, not probing. “I was just thinking about choreography..” feeling her face flush out red, hopefully hiding it with a bigger sip of wine, knowing her eyes lie for her. She was never truly good at it, especially looking deep into his.

“Tango, maybe?”

“No, but just a tangled,” more wine would make that statement less of a naked confession. She had to look away, it couldn’t keep going, the inuendo, she’s not like that, and he seems to be to much a gentleman to allow it of himself either.  
Henry blushed at that, hidden confession, not caving to biology, fighting his owe layer of wanted urges.

“So, New York, how long?”

“That’s a start of tour actually, after is LA, but actually a week at most. I have a house in L.A. that I actually don’t frequent as often as I wish, it’s quite beautiful.”  
“Oh, that long?” hiding the fact she barely has a room to call her own, and he has multiple properties, half a world apart. She didn’t know why shame swept across her, trying to be so in control of her life, and barely having a thread to keep it together. 

“Time just washes right over, never sure what time zone I’m in usually. After a few days of chaos, that’s when everything stops, that’s when it hits me. I’m a heap and useless, unable to form coherent sentences. I used to be better at it, when I was younger, but…now…” catching a shift in Aubrey, watching her push her food around, her face stoic, colorless even, shoulders rounded, trying to be as small as she possibly be. “Is something wrong?” blaming himself at first for saying something he wasn’t sure offended her, trying to figure what is was.

“Nothing, its fine really,”

“Don’t tell me that, you are not good at hiding, at least at this moment. Was it something I said?”

“Let’s just say, sometimes little anxieties crop up out of no where, its absolutely nothing you said. I fault myself on comparing what I should, maybe where I should be to others, I have so little to show for it.”

“Don’t do that to yourself, all that wasted energy,….I know its easier to say….actually I don’t know what I could tell you, but for the very brief time we have had together, I see you as amazing. Can that be enough for now?”

“I don’t know what to say”

“Then don’t say anything, it never comes out right anyway, trust me, I know,” looking deeply into her, seeing someone a tad afraid, knowing all to well a bit of what she is experiencing. 

“I trust you,” relaxing her body, a small smile crept to the corners of her mouth. She felt seen, heard, and maybe even understood, and for that completely grateful. 

“Dance with me, I’ve never had the opportunity to dance with a professional, and this is a favorite song of mine.”

“OK,” reaching her hand to his, feeling a bit of electricity run through her body, lightness to her movements, his hand on her lower back leading to the words of a Bob Dylan cover, the soft guitar and a well played violin, finding their rhythm on his living room carpet, her head finding it’s way to his chest, she deeply inhaling him, he inhaling deeply all of her, pausing this moment, expecting to wake up from the most satisfying dream. He could protect her here, make her feel safe, be needed for all those things money can’t buy; she could be honest, afraid, brave, independent and still need him, his hand to hold, his words to say into her ear. His hand found the back of her neck, turning to face him, she knew what he wanted, because she wanted it as well, closing her eyes, her soft lips finding his, she made the first move, going deeper than he was expecting, his fingers gripping her hair like he would fall over without holding on. Aubrey reaching with one arm for leverage, her other on his neck, putting her hunger on display, he gripping her tighter, feeling how light she actually was, almost lifting her fully off the ground with one arm.  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t expect that,” he almost gasping for air, her eyes deeply penetrating his, she said nothing, but tilted her head, her hands finding both of his, pulling both of his arms tighter around her.

“I’m not,” resting her head on his shoulder, swaying to the end of the song, her body begging for more, wanting to wrap her legs around his waist, being undressed by him, feeling his hard body against her skin, their legs intertwining, his hot mouth on her breasts, feeling his weight on her tiny frame. She could only kiss him again, feeling his hands travel up her back, heat welling deep, she arching against his strong grip, as his mouth nibbled her neck, , allowing him to almost find her chest. 

“We can’t,…….we shouldn’t, my assistant will be here soon, and if you are willing, I don’t want it to be quick. I can’t leave you like that. I want it to be perfect for you.”

“Just hold me then, whenever we are together, its perfect,” her head back on his chest, feeling his fingers drag through her hair, glad she left it down today. “This is perfectly enough for now.” 

And as if Henry knew the future, the door bell rang, Kal jumping from bed to run towards the door. “Damm, where did the afternoon go?” the bell ringing again, Henry finding the button for the intercom, “Just a second, Ill buzz you in” then shifting his attention to Aubrey, ”I trust her with everything, she a great lady, and wont say anything to anyone. Just be yourself, you are amazing, remember that, please….for me,” he stole a kiss, deeper and wanting, brushing his hands down her face. “I don’t want to leave, please understand that.”

“You have nothing to worry about, I have enough to fill my days until you are back. Let me help clean up, I insist,” watching him press the buzzer. “Hello, again.....I can’t believe its time to shove off, can I have my itinerary?” to an unassuming women, with a look on her face of moving an army with precision. “Meet Aubrey Denison, she and I were having a small lunch before heading out today.” He bolted up a staircase, face beading with sweat, and not for the exertion of that quick run  


“Hello, I’m Aubrey, its wonderful to meet you,” reaching out her shake her hand. “The tea kettle is still hot, and you look wet from standing outdoors, would you like a cup to warm up?”

“Aubrey, great,” as if interrupted in her train of thought, “Aubrey Denison, I’ll remember that name. I am quite well actually, but thank you for offering. We need to get going to the airport.”

“What do I do then, if he’s leaving with the kitchen, I could….well, this shouldn’t be left in such a state…. for a week. That would be bad….it was so delicious.”

“He cooked for you? Well, that’s something he…..he has someone take care of his apartment while away, it will be fine,” her face showing a tad bit of annoyance, 

“Henry, you promised to be packed completely to rush out today!”

“I’m ready, just grabbing my bags,” from farther away than Aubrey expected. 

Still shouting up the stairs, “And…….any details you would like to share about anything else?”

“Morgan is coming at 2:30,” finally descending, with luggage and a garment bag over his arm. 

Aubrey finally putting the charade together, “Morgan doesn’t have to come back for me, I’m going to Wimbledon for the afternoon, just a quick Tube ride. I can manage that…”

“Morgan is at your service for as long as you need him, I insist,” he walking towards her, embracing her without a care who was present, sneaking a kiss on her cheek, whispering in her ear, “I promise, next time everything will be perfect, and we will have all night.”

A moan escaped her throat, quickly embarrassed thinking anyone but him heard, still not wanting the day end. She looked to his eyes, giddy with pleasure, knowing he heard it as well. It was going to be a long week for both of them.

“Do you mind if I call you late, or at odd hours? I will loose track of what it is where I am, but would like to speak to you still?”

“If I don’t answer, its because I’m at work or the studio, but anytime is fine,” reaching for his hands. 

“Well, that settled then, great to keep communication, and Morgan is here, and that’s wonderful as well. Lets get moving folks, Henry you and will go over everything in the car. Ill get your bags ready for the car,” exiting herself and his belongings outside to a different vehicle, SUV, also very well kept. The driver for that wearing the same pin as Morgan on his lapel.

“I’m so sorry, to not have more time today, getting close to a release is always hectic. I wish things were different…”

“Don’t be, today was everything that it could be, and that’s all we can ask for,” grabbing her coat and her bag. Kal decided to sit perfectly in pose next to her, Aubrey running her hands through his thick fur just one more time. “I’ll miss you too Kal.”  
Leading her out the door, he felt sad that he had to leave, knowing long before this was how today was going to end. For all the time he loved and lost before, this is the side a celebrity that is accepted from the beginning, not knowing the effects until all you have left is a broken heart. 

“Don’t forget, you own me a barre class, when you get back.”

“I won’t forget,” whispering in her ear, “that wont be our only workout”

“I hope not,” giving him a quick kiss goodbye.

Henry standing next to the open SUV door, “Good bye, Aubrey”

“I can’t miss you if you don’t leave,” pulling a smile from his assistant, who also had readied herself to go, shutting the door on the other side. Morgan had already opened her door for her entrance, as if on cue to depart as well. She didn’t see Henry pull away, but looking out the window, his car already gone, the road now empty, quiet, hallow. Feeling alone again, a warmth left her, wondering if he felt the same. She got into her head, those dark places where scenarios take on their own life, the impossible becomes probable, every outcome overthought. She started questioning if this is how every meeting would end, parted by his requirements elsewhere, would she always be saying goodbye, to parting cars in the drive, feeling his presence drain her to her soul, would she be able to bare it time and time again………


	7. Running for Trains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trying to keep up with busy schedules, a slip of the tongue, walls crumbling down, being honest with each other, naked confessions

Sun bled around the shades of the floor to ceiling windows, penetrating his eyes, waking him up mid afternoon. Henry’s body needed more than what was given, the quick catch of a brief afternoon rest, waking feeling worse than when he had the idea to take one. A few years ago, he thought nothing of it; time was something figured on a watch, sleep wasn’t scheduled or begged for, a beer could fix so many things, next day consequences weren’t something to live through. Laying in bed, letting his mind wonder, he missed those days, because it made living through them easier, bigger life plans were made, broken, changed, or left abandoned all together, time seemed endless, there was always enough of it. Maybe it was recklessness of youth, later was a place to shelve all those things everyone else seemed to be living; weddings, babies, careers that meant longevity, retirement portfolios, being relied upon, leaving a legacy. 

He didn’t believe in fate, loosing those he sank his heart into, to find Aubrey. Choices were made, sometimes logically, sometimes not. It wasn’t a road he believed he had to travel, there wasn’t a bar to pass, but bruised egos gave way to learned responses, any hesitation could be justified. Skin gets tougher, feelings and wants stop being trusted, not allowing himself to do things, because others will know he wants to do them, exposing to much still being raw from a fall. 

Henry hated the numbness of cynicism, feeling the hesitations starting to set in, questioning how the future fits together. New, untarnished and untested by the strain of his career, the easiness of smooth beginning crack to show how little nuances unravel he best intentions. Every time, hoping for it never end at all, loving, compromising, waiting for things to change. Love never came easy, and it should have, it always should have, or at least he expected it. It seemed that most fell in love with the idea of him, like living out the glossy images of happy smiles, not dividing between the real person and a role to whom she expected him to be, forgetting the person was real, faults and all. Relationships, those needed work, separate from love. The work in calling late at night dead tired, but just to let her hear his voice. The little notes hand written, hidden in odd places while away. Her coming to see him on a long set stay, to let him touch her, feel her again, not just miss her. More than pretty pictures from the red carpet, enjoying the benefits of the life style that comes with it, knowing for a while, she would have to settle for the night alone, waiting in hotels, or being on opposite ends of the world. 

When did he figure out what it is that he really wanted, well groomed answers for print that were more about being bankable, dangling on a string for fluff driven fantasies. More marketing than substance, lining pockets of others at the expense of his own happiness, about the look of a magazine cover. That had to change, no longer justifiable, being told “it needs to happen, you signed up for this, this is part of fame”. Being told that enough, he thought he had to believe it, expecting something in return, except nights alone behind secure walls, a very small circle of people he truly trusted, enjoying the fruits of his labor alone.  
Henry wanted to call her, wanted to hear her voice, thinking about timing, hoping it wasn’t to late. She should have been getting out of class. Aubrey number now saved, a quick text to make sure she could talk. The chime of a response, exciting to receive, simply being in her thoughts warmed his soul, putting his mind at ease. He barely let the phone ring once fully, answering with anticipation finding energy he didn’t know he had, his eagerness oozing, clearing his voice, overused and scratchy.

“Aubrey….are you home yet?”

“Henry, I’m so happy you called. How are you?”

“So much better now,” trying to contain his exuberance, taking a deep breathe calming himself, finding his center. 

“Me too, I’m wrapping up at the studio, do you mind if I keep you on the phone while locking up?”

“Not at all, I didn’t want to interfere with class.”

“Just me time, getting back into the swing of a full schedule. It felt so good to stretch out, get a little air under my feet,” shutting doors behind her, the sound of street traffic filling her ears.

“You will definitely have to show me. Is Lanea driving you home?”

“Not tonight, grabbing the usual, shouldn’t be long. Please tell me it is warm where you are, it is so dreadful, it got so cold so fast, I can barely stay warm.”

“When I am back, I will make sure you have no reason to be cold.”

“I can’t wait,” being a little to honest for herself, waiting to be near him again, wanting with everything in her being. “I saw the New York morning show yesterday, they really didn’t prep for that, did they? She kept bringing up the wrong movie, and you weren’t even there for that.”

“It can happen, they rush so many people in and out, and those audiences are usually filled with people that really wouldn’t know Marvel from DC, let alone a Polish author book series that is also a gaming sensation. They were very pleasant though, always a good time.”

“You are too kind. Did you get to see any of the sites while you were there?”

“Not as much as I would have liked, crowds were risky. Did Annie get over you taking the part?”

“Not entirely, but she hasn’t been passive aggressive about it in the last few days. We’ve kept to being busy, lack of conversation is actually best right now.”

“I’m sorry,”….

“Don’t be, she has her reasons, and I don’t blame her either. We are agreeing to disagree, and that’ that.”

“Tell me what tomorrow will be like, I’m on planes all day, and the fact I have to wear compression socks is making feel very old, and very boring.”

“Well, I get to open the café tomorrow, so up at 430, to be running off fresh baked goods by 530, and grinding by 6. I’m staying until 1, which that gives me off Friday, so I can do partner work at the full studio, which will be my first time with Brien, he’s a newbie, so we will have to start getting our timing down, I have full tech Wednesday for the opening next Friday.”

“That fast, sounds exhausting, to be honest.”

“I knew that taking it, and the company is wonderful.”

“You want to say more, you are hesitating.”

“ It’s complicated, as all things in adult life are, I’m feeling selfish, that’s all. The one thing I promised Annie when I moved in, was to help with the house and the boys, make it easier to have me there, but I’m never home, I’m becoming more like a ghost taking up a room, being in everyone’s way.”

“I doubt that, and when its over, you will be back to being available for what you set out to do. I remember you saying something about night school, if you were there instead of dancing, it would be the same, am I correct? Busy studying, and keeping up with classes, is that more justifiable to be a bit selfish than what you are doing now?”

“I….when you say it that way, I can’t feel selfish about it. You are very good at persuasion, rhetoric and winning your way, aren’t you?”

“Rarely do I ever loose when given the chance.”

“Have I been swooned with your words, sir?”

“ Well, Madame, I couldn’t drive you home after coffee, you were definitely standing your ground, and rightfully so, first time meeting and all.”

“I’ve seen a lot of movies where things don’t go so well on first dates, and any women knows Jack the Ripper lived in London, have to be careful,” coy and laughing, hoping he takes it as he should.

“I should study Jack the Ripper, I need to find not so nice roles.”

“Everyone does have a dark side,” little memories, hidden in dark places, started to turn Aubrey’s happy demeanor worse than sour.

“Everyone has a choice to entertain those dark thoughts,” thinking above ideas to act on them. Sometimes characters put ideas in his head unimaginable, worse when the truth is stranger than fiction. 

“True.”

A pause, a bit of silence between them both, an area he rarely likes to allow his mind to fall deep, she having enough to fill buckets of memories of someone else’s dark side. 

“Tell me something, tell me something you are to afraid to say. I can tell you are skirting something, you don’t have to with me,” feeling stripped and naked, raw and honest. Maybe exhaustion allowing his mind to wander to prodding her bare soul. 

“I don’t know if I’m ready, it took me so long to……to trust myself again. Maybe that’s all Ill say for now. Everything else is someone else’s story, I think,” her thoughts drifted to Lanea, who was ready to save her from herself. 

“Ok, and that is very true. I know people assume I am single, which means I have no attachments, no arrangements, nothing to tie me down. But I have so many people that handle things for me, there are days I feel like the center ring of a circus, holding up the big top for everyone else to stay under. Their stories of me are from the outside looking in, and would probably say something very different, about me watching me live me life .”

“ Perspective then, I will be a tad honest, from the outside looking in, I barely know you. I know of you, and that is very different, I’m rebuilding everything of my identity, and those doors for now are shut, because I can’t face what’s behind them again. Choices or not, I had none. Even if my life is common and trivial, I am controlling it right now, and everyday is new for me, but mine to control. And that’s all I’m saying about that.” She felt like she bit down hard, shut him out, made walls thicker than they already were. 

“That’s is all very fair. I didn’t mean to prod. My apologies.”

“Don’t apologize, I’m……you are so very kind, and generous. I don’t deserve what you have…”

“You deserve to be happy and safe, and no I don’t think your life is trivial or common. I want to get to know you better, to see you.” 

“I have scars I’m trying to forget, I’m holding on to a little girls dreams of tutus and princes, I could be called having no skills for the workforce, and I am a burden still to someone that had to be my mother, father and still be my sister.”

“Can I call perspective here? You must be talented to still be wanted for a production, of which took demand of having a sheet of paper that proves nothing, trust me, learning never ends, and really what skills do I have? Not any that I can write a resume around. I imagine your sister wouldn’t want anything else than you under her roof to support you, to help you. I would do the same for any one of my brothers. I have said it before, I think you are amazing, just as you are, Aubrey.”

“I want to see you…… I’m so sorry, being in my head right now is not a good place. You must be exhausted and I’m just ranting over here.”

“Why is it so noisy, if you don’t mind me asking?” 

“I didn’t want to go into the Tube yet, I would loose you. I know your time is scheduled and not really yours.”

“You have to be freezing, and wet. Go home, please just get home, call me back when you are warm and dry. I’m not to be anywhere for another three hours, I can wait.”

“Ok, I’m sorry for before, there are days I can’t keep everything in check, its not fair to you, to have to pull me up like that.”

“For you I would descend the deepest pit if you needed it.”

“Hmm, when I get home, and in my favorite jumper and pull ons, Im going to push away today, and just be yours.”

“I would like that, immensely.”

“I’m grabbing the next train, I shouldn’t be more than an hour. Try to rest, you sound horrible, if you don’t mind me saying.”

“I’m sleeping with my phone right on me so I won’t miss you.”

“Alright, less than an hour, train is coming, time me.”

“ Will do, Aubrey,”

“Love you, ….did I just say that…..my train….”an eek slipped through her lips, her cheeks hot, sweat building beneath her jacket, feet frozen to the ground as the train car slowed to on coming and departing passengers. What did she just say, what did he hear, GOD, she is screwing up this day, simple conversations turning into soul crushing confessionals, and he being more like her rock, her anchor navigating what felt like and endless storm. She barely knew him, she even said that herself, why did it slip out, what was going on in her mind?

Half way around the world, with the phone still to his ear, he wasn’t sure if he heard it right, over the rush of wind from inside the platform, little words slipped naturally said, as if years had passed between their hands, like minutes during a lovely afternoon walk. Simple, endearing, from a place of honesty, expecting nothing in return. They were a warm blanket that covered every part of his soul, easy to accept, to take in, to cherish, and she gifted them to him. He closed his eyes, letting those little words comfort him to a soft sleep, waiting to hear her voice again.  
********************

“Answer the phone, pick it up…I know you still……Lanea… …Lanea, I just made a big ass of myself, I really screwed up this time, I shouldn’t be allowed to try to have conversations with people…..”

“Wait, calm down, what did you do? Need my couch tonight?” trying to figure to rush or listen.

“No, not like that at all. I told Henry I loved him…we were hanging up so I could get on the Tube, and I let it slip out…..What the hell is he thinking? I must be crazy like all those girls they try to keep away. I’m going to be the crazy coffee girl that his sister in law will laugh about during the holidays…the “I told you so” to not get involved with…..I need to breathe…” feeling the air move in and out of her lungs, but not doing anything to fill her body.

“Jesus Mary and Joseph Aubrey, take a second. Where are you now?”, grabbing keys, putting her feet in slips on, knowing she wil regret it the first puddle she cant see.

“Walking home, I just got to the platform to call you.”

“What were you talking about before you spoke those horrible words, they are horrible, that’s why you are panicking, right?”, pausing with her hand on the door knob, waiting to see if she needed to find her best friend. 

“I was going home to change and warm up, to call him back, he’s in California, finishing a promo tour, in the US, I think he’s going to Brazil after. But he’s coming home in 4 days. What the hell did I do?”

“Admit inner feelings, share thoughts, build a meaningful relationship on communication…I don’t know honey, I wasn’t there”, sliding her shoes off, tossing the keys back in the bowl, throwing herself back on her sofa still warm. 

“I can’t call him back now, or do I and not even admit I let it slip, act like I never said it. I can’t leave him waiting for me to call back either, I promised him I would, he is waiting for me.

“Listen, I understand why you are panicking, I get it, you are terrified to trust yourself, and probably even in him, just for the emotional investment. Find a bench, close your eyes and breathe,” giving it a little time for her to follow, “Just breathe, and think of everything you want from this relationship, what you have now, what you you’ve already put into it.” 

“He’s not…I’m not terrified of anything…I just” her voice pinched to hold back tears, frustrated finding the words.   
“No….breathe, if it didn’t scare you a little bit, would you be calling me?”

There is truth to that, Aubrey knowing she really is the worst to judge a book by its cover, “He’s been so perfect, so kind, he smells so good…”

“Really, so he showers, great, big improvement there.”

“Not like that, you know what I mean..” almost laughing, 

“If he is everything you say he is, Super Suit and all, I wouldn’t sweat it, you were being honest. What can he call a fault in that?....I can’t even think of one.”

“What if he doesn’t want that from me?” back in her head, thinking the worst, trained at rejection, instead of acceptance. 

“You have been at his house, he cooked for you, I don’t think arm candy in on his mind,” still not convinced Aubrey was in the right frame of mind. “Want me to come over?”

“No, I have to hit this head on, not Henry, but me. Its been too long Lanea, I can’t keep letting everything slip out of reach, I’ll be ok,” steadying her voice, even if just to fake it for a little bit, solid in resolve, or that least finding it. “I have to let go, Lanea, I’m not good for anyone, or fair to myself if I don’t let it go. I can’t let it control me.”

“Declarations, I like, you just have to believe it now. Don’t fake it for me.”

“I’m not, but I stole your lipstick because it perfect for the show, sorry, not sorry….still love me, right?”

“That’s better, the hooker red? Its yours, just because I like calling it that, you are doing Spanish anyway, right?” thinking a topic change would get her back to center. 

“Spanish, understudy snow and the pas de deux, with Brien, we get together Friday”

“Wow, that’s a lot, but how can anyone ever forget Blanachine, not hard to pull out of the choreography closet.”

“I’ll be toast by January.”

“You have someone to crash with, am I right? Binging Netflix at his house, with wine and the fluff of a dog of his?”

“I have to see if just chased him away…”

“You didn’t, trust me.”

“I want to. Ill call you tomorrow, I get fitted after work. Want to meet up in the middle for dinner?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“Great, Ill see you then, I’m almost home.”

Keeping quiet up the stairs, light emitting from the upper bedrooms told her everyone was still up, hidden away to their private places. The fridge holding nothing of anything appetizing, consoling herself to a glass of water and a snack bar to ward off any hunger from such a long day, feeling a tad guilty for the carbs. Shutting the door to her own space, doing as promised, shedding her studio clothes, hanging her wool coat to dry, and prepping for the next day, adding time to calling him. She set the alarm, and then another on her phone for back up, feeling her finger slide over sweat left from the palms of her hands. 

“Be brave, be brave, its was only two words, nothing more” dialing his number, distracted by the clipped paint on her nails. Two rings and almost giving up, he was probably asleep, he really need it, her thumb hovering over the red circle, but then it connected. Fear froze her, if ever so briefly, but she just inhaled and let everything go, she deserved to feel safe, and she couldn’t imagine being anything but, with him.

“Aubrey, you made it home,”

“I hope you got a little rest, I didn’t want to keep you waiting.”

“I was thinking of the shapes the clouds made out my window, I actually think they are from a fire in another state. So, where did we leave off?”

“We were talking about perspective, choices, I got snarky and cold, which I deeply apologize. I’m sorry, again, I don’t like being like that, I hate tumbling down that path. What are you doing tomorrow, flying if I remember correctly,” skirt the topic of saying anything about love, maybe he was too tired to remember.

“Tomorrow is Brazil, never been, and it is one of those in and out trips, photos at some famous restaurant, I might get to look at the beach, but I really want to get home, its so close to the holidays. If it were after, I’d stay for a bit. I have four weeks to do anything, and I am so looking forward to it.”

“Are you going to your parents for Christmas?”

“So far, yes. The only one missing this year is Charlie and his family, but everyone else is going to be at the house. What about you?”

“I actually have a show Christmas Eve, but we are piling up and going to my brothers family in the country for the day, then right back to work for the rest of the week. Annie and the boys might stay. But we close before New Year, I might get together with some of the cast, get giddy off a sip of champagne, then avoid the streets all together, maybe stay home, have a home party.”

“I want you to meet my parents, if that could be arranged.”

“That would be….are we, I mean, what could….” what is he thinking, parents, never met parents before, what does that mean?

“You are insanely sweet when you are tongue tied. Lets go back to the last thing you said before getting on the train.”

“Time me, did it under an hour…?” sure go straight to that, her heart jumping out her chest.

“Then after that, something purely blissful slipped, if I heard correctly,” his tine changing, more vulnerable then before, deeper, articulate. 

“Possibly”, barely a whisper, naked and afraid.

“I have loved you since meeting you in the park, my heart has been yours since we danced, I would trade everything right now for one day holding you, if that was all I was given time on this earth to be with you, I know this is new and I terrified of doing something to loose you. You are the last voice I want to hear everyday, and the first thing I want to think about in the morning. I’m scared, I’m petrified to think I’m coming on to strong, I want to much, I’m asking to much of you….”

Calming, feeling her body slow, “Then say nothing for now, I will show you when we are together again. I promise,” warmth, comfort, control, at ease with her words, finally finding the true ear to listen.

“These next few days will be torture..”

“Same, before we know it, it will be over, and we can be together. I will be here,” waiting with every impossible impulse her mind could control. Wanting something so deeply, that’s what scared her more, getting a taste of him, and never getting to be near him again.

“I can’t sleep, I’m too awake to even try….” 

“Me too, tell me what you like about California….”

And within what felt like minutes, Henry had another obligation, to end the call after 2 more hours. She didn’t care, no matter how much time, he was coming back to her. Wanting to be with her, wanting to see her happy. That giddiness kept her awake until her alarms went off, not sleeping at all but pushing her with boundless energy for her day. Three more days, and he would be hers.


	8. Letting the Wall Come Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one, but its sweaty.... a lot happens here, Annie makes her opinions known....and finally the sex, not the last either.

“Did you eat enough?”

“Maybe, they have a full kitchen there, it was a great space to work in. It’s so different than before Annie, they have morals.” 

“I imagine they have to now, boys club?”, remembering how badly she was treated before, wondering why she kept going back to that world.

“Thank god, no. I think most of the principals are married to others in the company, Brien is fresh out of school, he looks terrified, but he’s great at lifts. If I had   
someone like him 5 years ago….well..”

“I am happy for you, you look calmer, just I haven’t seen you look like you enjoyed it for a long time.”

“That means a lot,” hugging her sister hard, “can that be my gift this year, just that?”

“Weren’t we making gifts this year, new tradition, ‘something crafted’”, already hiding a knitted scarf in her favorite colors, of yarn so soft, Annie was planning   
something for herself after the holidays.

“Yes, don’t worry, already there,” Aubrey hiding a necklace and bracelet set of Irish sea stones she crafted at a shop.

“When will you be home tonight? Late I’m assuming….”with acceptance and not judgement, show season was more about keeping Aubrey supported, piles of laundry, fresh and folded magically, small snacks and chilled bottles of water in the fridge, holding back on accusing her of stealing her make up sponges, because she will have to replace them when its all over.

“Yep, if its super late, they have dorms there, I might see about staying. I’m off at the coffee house Saturday, but still on tomorrow early, I scored Maeve a family pack for her kids for a Saturday matinee, and she’s been extremely flexible with scheduling.”

“Good, at least that will still be there when you close,” sounding more motherly than she wanted.

“Keeping all balanced, I promised Annie,” just like she was 16 all over again, sneaking out to a party, covered with the excuse of studying for the A’s.

“Boys are out, and I’m off as well. Shoot me a text if you’re not coming home, just so I know you aren’t dead in a ditch. Sorry, it my new thing. Since the boys got older, if they are 5 minutes late, they must be flipped over in a ditch somewhere. I’m not a fan of this…” sarcastic but true, setting them all free came with not knowing, hoping for the best, many sleepless nights with a book did little to help.

“Will do, and thanks Annie…….., for everything.”

“You are my sister,” hugging her for the worst reasons. She learned when things seemed to be going a bit too well, Aubrey was usually hiding something. Eating became a fight, her bones would start to poke through her clothes. Annie’s arms became her radar of disaster; if she could feel ribs, a storm was coming. But today, everything felt like calm waters.

Alone in the house, with time to herself, all she wanted to do was call Henry. His schedule had him getting ready to fly home, on the most insane routes, Rio to Miami, Miami to JFK, then to Heathrow. Twenty two hours, and their schedules left little to call each other, and that is if everything ran on time. Enough time in the air herself, she knew better than to expect a perfectly timed itinerary. Shooting him a quick text, she set herself up to repaint her nails, not color just gloss, at least a good looking end, nothing looking like she had hands that had been working, a few burns on her fingers that would heal in time for opening night.   
Her ears popped up when her phone chimed, his response was “On plane number 1” with little heart. His journey to her beginning, excitement to just be near him, she feared lust, what they had would tarnish, but she never had such a deep wanting for anyone before. It wasn’t how beautiful he was, it was how he made her feel when they were together. Grounded and safe in his presents, this was something different. She had to promise herself to enjoy it, to trust, to see it through, even if it meant a broken heart. She had to not feel afraid, box up her own inner demons for while, and hope to forget them. 

The next thing he texted was a photo of the sun through the clouds out his window of the plane, more beautiful than a impressionist painting, hint of an ocean below, color so vibrant, it was hard to imagine it was real. One more, a note he was to grab a nap, while he can, long flight. Her day was busy, time at the full studio for rehearsal, her piece first, short, but exacting, full of energy, sensuality, extension, and jumps. Two minutes of burn out or rupture if she wasn’t careful. The sugar plum and pas de deux, more memorable because of how famous; but the snow duet, her favorite for its hunger, packed in the middle easily forgotten, but liberties could be taken here, her partner Brien proving to be a great dancer, having the same feeling, letting the adults in the audience have something to enjoy as well, and not just be kids show fluff piece. 

Aubrey had her long train rides to the east side, worth the time to organize her head, read those stacks of books that seemed to collect, were great ideas at the time, finally cracking the spine. She did everything to not think about him, she was loose her focus, her brain would slip, she would forget to breathe; being under watchful eyes, every moment had to be present, every muscle move, every stretch, her head had to be centered. Rehearsal was more a proving ground, her piece exacting, to much appreciation and a bit of surprise of her skill hidden by her former archaic company, little tweaks of joints would get iced, her toes already starting to bleed. She felt nothing, and wouldn’t for the rest of the day. They switched to run the under studies, Brien and her taking the floor with such command, he graceful with her, she feeling the moment, instead of directors chairs, an audience, instead of sweaty rehearsal clothes, a white crystallized tutu. It was enough to make a change, they now leading that section, late enough to worry about program printings. She feared back lash, the ballet world brutal with backstabbing, rumor mills and bruised egos, but the rest of day didn’t play as it would of in her head. Many things were shuffled, main cast actually grateful, a grueling schedule up until now, someone taking a little heat away was appreciated.

On another long train ride home, a text came through at the platform, Henry’s last leg, the red eye to London, and in the morning he would actually be home. Her body spent, falling asleep, almost missing her stop. The rest of the walk, cold, numbing, draining anything left of her. She threw herself on her bed, reading his texts, fingers no longer working to respond back, crawling under the covers for the night. She was toast, he would have to wait, drifting off to nothing, wet clothes still on, boots dangling over the bed corner, dripping on the floor.

Annie, awoken by a phone call, 530 am, a light still on in the hall way, more than disgruntled at the disturbance. The house phone never rings anymore, except in emergencies, 

“Good morning, is Aubrey there?” an unknown voice, older, with kindness.

“I can get her for you, she is still sleeping. Who is this?” hoping she didn’t sound as livid as she felt. 

“This is Maeve, for the coffee house, she was supposed to open at 5am today, but if she is still sleeping, I’m going to assume she forgot.”

“I don’t think so, its on the house calendar” checking for her little highlight, “I think she slept through her alarms. I hear them going off, now that I mention it.”

“I didn’t think she would do that on purpose. If she can be here by 630, it will be alright.”

“Will do, thank you very much, all see what’s up and have her call you.”

“Much appreciated”

Hanging up the phone, heading toward her room, hearing more than one device ringing. She had to be dead to sleep through that much, her mind going first to hungover drunk, then sick working to hard. Annie thought the worst, because for the most part, one of those was true. Finding her sister still in her coat, boots, and just a bit of the blanket around her waist. Still could be either excuse.

“Come one, get up, you have to go to work,” shaking her leg, seeing her twitch, turn and finally join the living world. “You slept late, Maeve called looking for you, she gave you until 630 to get there….Aubrey, come on…I told you this is why I didn’t want you taking on more dancing, you are going get fired over stuff like this, if it keeps interfering.” Shaking again, guilty for coming down so hard, knowing someone had to think about after the lights fade, how was she going to support herself, she had enough time in that world, almost killed her once, she wasn’t going to let that happen again.

“Oh Annie, Im sorry, Ill get a move on, let me take a shower first and get going,” shedding everything as she kept walking. Her hands were shaking, her eyes wide   
with fear. Disappearing behind the bathroom door, Annie heard the water running, knew she was at least conscience enough to get out of the house. Aubrey phone kept ringing on the side table, thinking it was another alarm, slid her finger over the icon expecting it to stop. She was kind of shocked when she heard a male voice come through the speaker.

“Aubrey, I know its early, but I landed..”

“Who is this?” now seeing a bit of red, people getting a hold of her at an ungodly hour, what mess is Aubrey in now that she would have to pull her out.

“Henry, is this Annie, if I remember correctly”, pulling that out of nowhere “Is Aubrey alright?”

“She’s late for work, which was them getting a hold of her woke me up at an ungodly hour, on my day to sleep in, and why are you calling this early?” it was too early for civil conversation.

“My apologies, I had just landed and getting to be on my way home. I promised I’d call before she was heading to work, if timing work out,” hearing the tone in   
Annie’s voice, he knew he had to tread lightly. 

“Well, she’s wrecked from rehearsal last night, and now late for work, so timing didn’t work out so well, did it?,” stern and exacting, “Was it you that put her up to getting back into the mess of dancing? Who do I have to thank for that? She promised me she could keep it all in line”, chasing after two teenagers wasn’t enough, now adding keeping Aubrey employed to layers of responsibility.

“We talked about it, I thought that would have been up to her to choose…

“Look, the coffee hasn’t hit me yet, I’m not going to mince words. I know who you are, I know you are living in Lala Land somewhere, but we live down here in the real world. It’s not my story to tell, but you make things more difficult. You better listen, because you don’t know the hell she went through a few years ago, what I had to pull her out of. If I have to watch her fall again, after you disappear, I might not be able to stop it. It’s not fair to her.”

“I’m not going to disappear…”

“Sure, because its easy right now. Did she ever tell you about Mikka? He promised her the world, toured together, were dance partners for two years. He kept her on a tight leash, controlled every part of her life, I hadn’t seen her for 18 months, when she finally came back, she was 90 lbs of bones, working on broken feet, torn ligaments, ribs just…..he spit her out because he was done with her, gone like the wind, switching companies for a lead, and she was left behind to rot. I bet I don’t even know half of what he did to her, but I had to build her back up. First her injuries she let go, then the eating disorder, which like to rear its ugly head still.”  
“If she wants to tell me, she can tell me her story, but what past is in her past to walk away from to forget if she wants, I will do nothing but be supportive.”  
“And how long is that going to last, how long are you here for until you have to slip away for months on end, leave her here to fiddle about, and be kept. She’s had that too, giving up some many things to be someone’s pet.”

“I know you have been many things to Aubrey, and being someone who has had to take care in that manner, I wouldn’t be prudent of me to always be thinking in her best interest. I do not believe this conversation has gotten off to the greatest start. I do apologize, I’m not best version of myself at the moment either, I can’t completely understand where you are coming from, she’s hinted at a few things she working on, I didn’t pry because its not my place. Can I simply say I want her to be happy?”

“You’re good,…..I’d fall for those happy words if I were her too. I’m sorry to be this blunt, I don’t trust you, I can’t, not with her. I never expected anything to ever come of it. I can’t lose her again.”

“ If you trust in one thing, I’ve been hurt before, I don’t admit that to anyone, but I feel I need to express something greater here. I can’t take another fall either, I don’t have it in me. Trust that, trust me enough to let me love her….”

“So she’s your last hope?”

“By no means, she’s giving me hope to try again..”

“Not acting for me, I may be your worst nightmare…”

“Not at all,” holding his breathe, his voice shaking, 

“Ok then, I think we are done here. She’s almost out the door, I can hand you over if you want.”

“Please, and thank you. I’m off for a good stretch, I would like to meet more often, if you ever have time.”

“We shall see. Aubrey, here….Henry couldn’t wait to get a hold of you,” handing over her phone, to a shocked look on Aubrey’s face, hair wet, but dressed in her polo and Khaki’s, ready for work.

“Can I borrow your sneakers, my feet kill after yesterday,” taking the phone from her hand, still confused about why Annie had it. 

“Go ahead, they are in the closet” turning away, to the kitchen, still in her robe.

“Henry, gosh, I have no clue what just went on here, but the look on her face….should I be worried?”

“Not at all, she’s fierce, and loves you, I wouldn’t want to be in a verbal match, she would win wouldn’t she?”

“She usually does. I’ve given up years ago. You’re home?”

“Yes, in a car, 5 minutes from my mews.”

“I’m off to work, and then I have rehearsal again, planning late tonight. What about after 9?”

“I’ll be waiting for you.”

“Hmmm, today will be long, I’ve waited, I’m sick of waiting,” waiving to Annie, with coat on, Annie only shooting a look of disgust back, while sipping a cup.

“Can you come to me after? I can arrange for you…”

“No, its not far, and it may be better to leave like everyone else for a little while,” self reliance, plus time to sort in her head, not all rehearsals are smooth sailing.

“Quite right, do you remember how to get here?”

“Yes, I think, but Ill try first, and call if I get lost. So what’s on tap this afternoon?”

“A little war hammer, and Kal,” probably could do a lot of other things, but honesty was best.

“Yes, he must miss you so much by now. Don’t bust those thumbs, they may need to do some exploring tonight.”

“Top of the list, only if you would…”consent and control, keeping everything in her corner. 

“Yes, don’t worry, I promised you, and myself a wonderful evening.”

“We never finished our dance….”

“We must, I remember the song, think about where we left off….”

“Torture, you know this is torture…,” thinking he would have to find it in himself not to ravage her at first glance. 

“I have to gravel for forgiveness, for being late. You must tell me sometime, what the business with Annie was all about. I’m not sure I want to know just yet.”

“I will, she is a great sister.”

“She is. Ill call you when I’m out tonight. Crash, I know you want to.”

“I love you, Aubrey.”

“I love you too, Henry,” without hesitation, trusting his intentions, one small step at a time.

********************************

Aubrey was the last leave, had to clear physio after a bad fall, icing her knee, scheduling a session with a trainer before the next rehearsal. A hot shower, which was really bad for bruising, but she wanted to not feel like the day was still apart of her before seeing Henry. She was too tired for a fresh face of make up, hoping her really wouldn’t care, blow drying her hair a bit to not catch a chill. Nerves were starting to flare, thoughts of his hands on her bare flesh, hers running through his thick hair, sweat covering both. She wanted him in the most carnal of ways, never feeling that need to be satisfied so deeply before, wanting to feel everything of him, wanting to feel how powerful he could be, wanting his eyes to see all of her. She tripped over the idea of who would undress who, would he want the lights on, how long would he hold her after, what would the next morning be like, awkward and skirting the obvious, or easy with no alarms, cooking for each other, she in one of his t-shirts; things that could derail an entire evening thinking about, worrying about nothing, not letting it play out, to just let it be. Those thoughts being leftovers of past relationships, developed fears, a coping mechanism, planning to be prepared for any outcome, keeping herself safe. Seeing herself on the train, her reflection in the glass, looking stoic, thinking she should look happier, going to see the most wonderful man, missing something resonating from the inside. She looked worn out, not gathered, the corners of her lips turning down, her eyes dull. Questioning her own motivation, the platform she needed was already at an open door, almost missing it, bounding forward to the rest of her journey to him. 

The wind hit her face, making her eyes tear, as she rounded the corner to his street. Windows dressed for the holidays, parks light in wonderful displays. The night made know beautiful gas lights, or modern versions of the them, waiting for their own fairy tale to play out under them, in the quietness of this side of the city, loosing herself to ambiance. It was calming, and she needed that. At front of his door, not being able to find the bell, her knuckles hit the hard wood, but only two raps before it swinging wide open. A warm glow lit him from behind, his hand finding her before seeing his face, thrust into the warmth of his home, the door shut behind her before understanding what transpired. 

Aubrey's eyes found his, hungry, as much as her. He said little, but helped her coat off, and then gave her the biggest hug imaginable. His heat warming her body, lifting her slightly, his arms wrapping her wholly. Her head against his chest, that intoxicating calm wafted off of him, hitting her nerves, reducing them to nothing. 

“I couldn’t wait, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, it was just what I needed. Good to be home?”

“Beyond, would you like some tea for warm up?”

“Please, that sounds perfect.”

“How was rehearsal?”

“Fine, slipped today, shoes are almost dead, knee is going to look purple tomorrow, but everything is fine, weight baring flexing, nothing to worry about.”

“This is the part where you know how to work around injuries that would usually make other athletes sit out..”

“Tights can cover many things,” and leotards and make up, there are so many ways to hide.

“Should you?”

“It’s fine, its not tear, just a fall.”

“Ok,” not really accepting it, feeling a bit deceptive after the morning conversation with Annie. But she was walking fine, she was standing fine. She said she was fine. 

“I missed you, I didn’t know I could, for how little we have actually seen of each other.”

“I’ve spent more days thinking about now, and honestly, all I want is to be near you again, hold me, like you did when we were dancing,” feeling the day hit her like a ton of bricks, her body begging for rest.

“I might not be able to just hold you.”

“I want you to lead me anywhere.”

Music already playing, he grabbed her by the waist, sliding off her cardigan, she bending against his arm, he lifted her leg, wrapping it around his waist, getting as close as possible. Aubrey letting her hair out, her head dropping back, his lips caressing her neck, his hand sliding down her chest, over her tight t-shirt. A moan slipped past parted lips, biting them, to maintain any sense of control. Her skin sensitive to the slightest touch, change in heat, he pulling her to face him, she almost couldn’t, but her eyes found his anyway, the rest of the world slipped away, finally giving into everything they had been waiting for. 

“I want to take this upstairs”

“Ok”

Leading her to the upper rooms, his bed room already glowing without any harsh light, everything dimmed to a warm level. Something so naked about him, being here, in the most private of places, nothing out of place, walls exposed stones and mortar, simple furniture not taking up much space in the wood floor. His bed the center piece, large enough to get lost in, not exactly perfectly made, but perfect for her. They stood with barely any air between them, she undressing him first, a simple button shirt, to a vest underneath, he pulled off her t-shirt but left her prettiest bra on, admiring her decolletage, her panties exposed ever so slighting over her skin tight jeans. Her body more beautiful then her could have imagined, slight curves, but toned abs, a tiny bit of a x to her belly button, something cute about it he never would have expected. A few bruises along her ribs, he grazed his hand over them, softly, gently.

“Its from lifts, its part of it, they don’t hurt.”

“I never knew ballet was a full contact sport.”

“Rugby, without the scrum.”

“I bet. I’ll be careful.”

She encircled his hands around her waist, she went for his belt, he stopped her, putting his finger to her lip.

“Slow down, let me just admire you, sliding the bra straps off her shoulders resting his hands to the top of her jeans. She slipped a hand by, only one, and popped her bra off for him, he laughed at her skill, so quick and exacting. He let it fall, exposing her breast to the moon light peeking blue through the window, lifting her to the bed, burying his head between her breast, sliding his tongue over her nipple. She arched her back, begging him for so much more, giving in to her, his hand finding how wet she was, his large thumb circling her clit, she gasping for air. Her hips bucked against him, grabbing his ass, feeling his sweat along his back. 

“I want to feel all of you….”

“I don’t want to hurt you…”

“You won’t..” she grabbed to top of her jeans, fully undressing herself, pushing him up with her, flipped him over, straddling his waist. She could feel how hard he was, still tucked in his underwear, making her even more wet, wanting to be plunged so hard. Her body was glistening, her heart pumping, his scent intoxication, like a new drug she would want to be addicted to. She back off a bit, her hands finding his hard phallus, surprised how large he was, but not fearing riding it. She slide her tongue up his shaft, gripping the top with her lips, his hands gripping her head, fingers passing through her hair, he letting out a small yawp, uncontrolled, pushing a bit further into her mouth. She surprised him and went deeper, slowing extracting it, knowing the coolness of the air would drive him crazy, she kept one hand pressing him down on his chest, she wasn’t finished yet. Pulling his pants off wasn’t hard, straddling him again, letting his hot member lay between her hot folds, rubbing him gently. She was cumming with just the pressure of their bodies hitting all the right spots, and he hadn’t even entered her yet, whimpering as her insides shuttered with pleasure, his hands sliding down her breast, swollen and sensitive. 

“I need to put on a condom…”

“Drawer? Let me do it…”

“Omg, please….”

She didn’t have to reach far, not even leaving his waist, they were right on top, opened quickly, she licked her thumb, pressing into a place she knew would bring pleasure, sliding her thumb down and her other hand rolling the condom over. He moaned again, not being able to take any more, sitting up quickly, wrapping her with both arms, twisting her until she was under under him. The light outlined one side of her face, her cheeks red, sweat dripping down her forehead, a bit of moonlight scattering in her grey eyes.

“You are so beautiful, I can’t almost bare it…” she letting her legs spread to accept him, he having no issue penetrating deep, all at once, she arching her back, allowing herself to adjust, her body flooding with wanted desires , more like ecstasy . He waited, feeling his tip hit something soft, feeling warmth spread over his cock, something primeval tripped in his brain, wanting to claim her as his, feeling her fingers dig into his back, one leg wrap around, pushing him even further. He still propped up on his arms, watched her closed her eyes, her chest gulping air, her hands dig into his hair, her breast shiver with each thrust. 

“Deeper, don’t hold back…”

He pushed harder, feeling like he would split her in half, but the corners of her lips turning up, smiling almost, he never having anyone ask before, feeling her bones reach his. He wasn’t going to last much longer, the heat building in his core, his body wanting to flood her, feel how wet she truly was. 

“Oh my god…oh my god....”

Her words filled his brain, sending him over, uncontrolled, pushing himself harder and deeper , she pulling him in with her arms, circling him entirely with her legs, bodies both dripping on sweat, panting. He let his weight finally press fully against her, feeling her small frame, feeling her breathe with him in the same rhythm. His hot cock throbbing in her, her muscles flexing as well, so in love with her, she must be feeling it to. Their bodies in tune with each other, he didn’t deserve to feel this with anyone, if this is what love truly was, the physicality of showing each other the deepest pleasure, being the most vulnerable. He almost cried, it was so beautiful. 

Aubrey finally let herself go, letting her pleasures be known, showing how she wanted to be loved. She felt stronger for it, not waiting for the right time to do anything, because now was the right time for her. Henry's sweat tasted so good to her tongue, he nested into her, feeling filled in ways she never felt before, he was stronger then she ever had, she liked being smaller and cared for, feeling his weight against her bones. She wanted to tell him everything, show him all the parts of her heart that needed fixing, trusting him to be the one to accept her as she was, letting her mend them on her own. And this night, on his bed, in his home, that last bit of wall she felt safe keeping, vanished with tears slipping from her eyes.

“Are you ok? I didn’t mean to hurt you..”

“You are amazing, I don’t know why I’m crying, I’m mean I think I do….can I say something beyond scary for a person like me?”

Henry flipped himself over, sliding off the spent condom, tossing it in the trash, them slide him arm behind her neck, pulling her to him. He made sure he could see her eyes, and she him, Aubrey, bring a leg up to his waist, almost clutching him. He could feel how hot she still was, he liked she was warming him.

“Let it all go”

“I want to love you with everything, I’m not perfect, I want to tell you everything, as it comes, I want you to know everything about me.”

“I am not perfect, I want to support you, I want you to feel free. I don’t know how else to say this, but I’ll love you through anything.” He knew she wasn’t hiding, but loving and trust are two definite things, she was letting herself trust him, and that was the biggest gift she could have ever given him in such a short time. Her head against his chest, he felt the tears dripping on his skin. He did nothing but hold her, pulling the covers up, feeling sleep creep over them, his fingers feeling the softness of her hair, as she drifted off to sleep, in his bed, in his home, totally in love with him.


	9. Sleeping In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after, and some hard realizations.
> 
> Im posting it now, because I edited it a thousand times. Its not a moving chapter, sets up for more later. Thanks for reading this far.   
> Also...should I just skip Covid....this is fiction right?

The morning came sooner than Henry wanted, or at least it felt to soon. Kal, nudging him for his walk, was what woke him up, regretting not scheduling one last morning for a walker. Looking over at the clock, nearly 10am, a ping of regret not waking earlier to start this day, for no other purpose than to spend it with Aubrey, and not wasting anytime doing it. 

Aubey looked dead to the world, sleeping harder, making up time lost, or so he thought. He slipped his arm out of embrace, kissing her forehead, feeling a little movement from her restful slumber. 

“Just taking Kal out, I’ll be back.”

“What time is it?”

“Nearly 10, I’ll make breakfast.”

“Thanks, I have to be at rehearsal at 2pm, but short today, out by 6.”

“Sounds fine, go back to sleep, if you want, no rush.”

“Suns up, I’m up…Ill make coffee.”

“Perfect, Ill be about 20 minutes.”

“Do you have anything…..could I borrow, the thought of putting on jeans just isn’t happening right now.”

“Help yourself, what ever feel comfortable,” watching her wrap herself in a sheet, so goddamm beautiful, messy hair and all. Kal could have cared less, down the stairs they went to take care of his morning necessities.

Aubrey felt the urge to explore his closet, bigger than her own room. Sections divided by white moldings, perfectly sorted, suits, shirts, sweaters, lit from above each shelf with a simple click of a switch. A column of drawers well carved of gorgeously grained wood, a section dedicated to colognes, nothing really sorted, but only one shown use. That’s the one she lifted, smelled the stopper and knew exactly, this was what he wore most of the time, that alone was exciting her, a pang of wanting to repeat the night prior flooded her core. Dropping the sheet, wearing nothing now, the only softness was from the carpet she was sinking her feet into, dragging her fingers over hangers of dress shirts, more than a few colors, finding nothing enticing.

There was a white oxford, a bit thicker in the hand, tossed over a back of a chair, looking fresh, but tussled, picking it up, smelling completely like him, become the thing to don while walking about the house. The tucking hem came just below her curves, cutting high enough to see her hips. Two buttons, that was all, just enough to keep it closed. It was so soft against her skin. She did retrieve a fresh pair of hipsters from her bag, packing a pretty pair, a dusty rose silk, black lace, and peeking every so slightly under his shirt. His bathroom was just a large, a tub big enough to lose herself in, but not right now, that wouldn’t help anything or the afternoon, nor her knee that was starting to feel the effects of the day before. The light was lying to her, the redness outlining the cap would be a deep purple in a day, locking the joint proved a bit painful, swelling was definitely apparent. Looking at the train wreck displaying itself on her leg, she almost forgot why she entered, looking for a hair brush. Just like the closet, everything was easily accessible, on open shelves, finding a beautiful wood handled brush, noticing with ever the slightest glint, a stand of long hair, blondish, dyed but blond, caught in one of the bundles of bristles. It was used before by someone else, with long blonde hair, a harmless stray, gone unnoticed for how long. Unknown by name, unknown in intention, she was here, in the same room, doing the same, in his house. It was nothing, it meant nothing, it was a remnant of a time before her, no to be deeply concerned with, not to be discussed, unless he wanted to bring it up. Yet this ghost lingered, caught in the periphery of her vision, and again, letting her mind wonder to the worst of scenarios. Aubrey fought to keep the glow of the evening still present, this would not taint the rest of the day, what ever happened before was in the past, it will stay there, it won’t interfere. 

Hearing the door shut, almost startling, not that she wasn’t allowed to be where she was. Looking in the mirror, seeing the starkness in the face, begging for the calm to return, hoping he wouldn’t notice. She finally drew the brush through her hair, looking refreshed, full of volume, down her back, flowing in waves. Henry walked up from behind, their eyes meeting in the mirror, he smiled at her, in his shirt, pulling his sweatshirt off to his bare chest. Hugging her, nesting together, resting his chin on her head, she smiled, even though she didn’t feel it, but she could tell he was trying to read her. 

“Didn’t make it down to coffee just yet? Want to take a dip in the pool, I confess, I don’t just use it for post work out relaxation. Guys also like the bubbles, we don’t like admitting it.”

“I’d better not, my knee is starting to swell, although it does sound lovely right now.”

“Gosh, yes, let me look at it..” bending on his knee, running his thumb over the area that will start to turn, “it feels really warm, its starting to retain fluid, should you   
be going to rehearsal today, stay off of it, ice for a while”

“I have a session with physio an hour before stretch, then we run our number. Not exactly the time to take breather. I have supports if needed, a good ice bath will help take care of the swelling. Knees look worse than they are,” trying to sell it, like she needed his permission. Last nights activities probably aggravated it more, and she felt nothing then.

“If the trainers say its good to go, I can’t say otherwise..” thinking about the time a whole production took three days off of schedule because he tweaked his, allowing to rest. He knew she would smile through it, most likely even now, seeing its condition. 

“Someone said something about breakfast, and after last night, I am starving.”

“Im starving for something else, the way you look in my shirt is not helping that at all, miss”

“Well, sir, it s a bit late for breakfast, lunch doesn’t start until 11am, and we could fill that time niddling on an appetizer.”

“Like your ear, like this,” biting her lobe, her hand running up his bare back, setting her on fire again. “I could sample some of this,” passionately kissing her chin, making his way in little pecks to her breast, peeking out of the shirt buttons, “But our table is waiting, in the other room,” picking her up bridal style, practically running back to bed, placing her gently on the haphazardly heaped covers. 

Her giggles were enticing him, undoing only the two buttons, his shirt opening just slightly, resting on her perky breast. The day light flooding his room now, seeing her fully, his button fly jeans he through on really being a disservice at the moment. He slid his hand up both her sides, shedding the shirt to the floor, now his only thing to conquest was getting off those pink panties. Aubrey got to one of his buttons, feeling a little relief with more room, then another, and another. She squirmed as if he was tickling her, putting his fingers under the lacy waistband, delicate enough the slightest tug would rip them to shreds, but they looked so good on her, he wanted to see her in them again, exclusively. She lifted her bottom a bit, he taking the chance to slide them down her legs, as she got the last fastener undone, he kicking them off because it was easier, he had such long legs. 

Henry let his cock rest at her opening, feeling how wet she was already, she rocking against his pelvis, rubbing his sensitive skin, feeling her entrance tease his head. He so hungry to enter her as he was, he had to make sure. 

“Now would be great, or we might have consequences…”

“Ill be quick,” knowing where to grab a condom from, made light work of it.

He entered her slowly, watching her face contort with a frenzied high, gasping, closing her eyes, arching her back, working to a rhythm, feeling the inner muscles flex around his member. She dropped her legs apart, relaxing her hips, he driving deeper, her core so hot around him, he wasn’t going to last long. She was already sweating, running his thumbs under her breast, slick with wet, is hands lifting her chest, raising her higher.   
Her eyes finding his, her lids drifting closed, her fingers, running down his face, arching her back again, that thing she does, indescribable by words, but would keep him tethered to her until the end of time, it wasn’t sensuality, it wasn’t able to be broken down by biology, he never experienced it before, until last night, and now again, in the day light, watching all of her, react to him, craving him, pulling him deeper. 

“I’m cumming, so hard…I’ve….Henry…..my god….” Whimpering at her own reflex, he nearly spent, gripping her harder than her ever had before, feeling like he was crushing her. “Just, wait, for a second, don’t move…” she still throbbing, he feeling all of her. He didn’t want to, here was paradise, with her, wrapped around his body. 

“Aubrey, Aubrey…..can we just not leave this room today? I don’t want to..”

“If this was everyday…..it would be so hard to leave for anything, food, laundry…..just about anything..”

They were both sticky, sweaty messes, her hair now crushed, his slick with sweat, the sheets clinging to them, it was starting to make Aubrey a bit claustrophobic, the sudden urge to shower just as bad as after two hour class. They really must be exerting themselves.

“Would you like to take a shower together?” keeping the intimacy, but filling that need.

“That would be a great idea, and then lunch.”

“Perfect, you will have to show me how to use your shower though, I’ve never seen that many knobs” laughing at herself a bit, “maybe on a espresso machine...” giggling, while drawing him into the bathroom, his body even more of a amazing thing to behold, thick, refined, contoured. She let her eyes drift, to his toes, them back up, wondering to herself how she managed to get here, with him to herself. And yet, that wasn’t the best part of him.  
The hot water, fine soaps, it was beyond rejuvenating. Henry was gentle on her bruises, knowing enough about massage and the human body to make her a puddle, having to use his frame for balance. Watching suds trail down his body, finding the definition in his muscles, gravity trailing bubbles in a line down the crevices, he was almost inhuman. But underneath all that muscle, much like her, he wanted nothing in return but kindness, love, to learn about the true soul of another. What drove them together was biology, what kept them returning was that intangible need to find the most wanted thing, indescribable, but no longer something to trade or compromise. 

Henry toweled her off with the softest towel she ever felt, he already wearing one perfectly tied around his waste, tossing his wet hair, feeling little splashes against her face. A smile turned just the corners of her lips, so beautiful to him, his heart took a picture. She looked not just happy, but content with the world, and he had something to share in creating that.

“So…lunch, any preferences?”

“Well, soup if you have it, never good to have much on my stomach for lifts, afterward….that’s a whole different story.”  
“Talking about after, what would you like to do, go back home, come back here…?” watching her face change with the realization of something he hadn’t thought about.

“Oh, shit…I didn’t text Annie, just to tell her, I’m not dead in an alley somewhere.”

“Ok, your phone, I put it on the charging pad, on the night stand..”

“Thank you, thank you so much,,” hugging him, both still damp, skin to skin,” I’m out of practice thinking about little details….not that I have to check in, but it’s the travel that bugs her, walking alone then trains..”

“If you ever need anything, just tell me,” skirting just taking care of all those little details himself, by a few phones calls. This was more about independence, something Henry knew Aubrey was working to keep.

Aubrey ignored that, yes, he could take care of everything, he could fix everything that worried her, and then have nothing of her, nothing to say she work towards.  
“I think I have to go home tonight, I really need to do laundry, get some of my shoes ready, and start getting ready for tech,” it didn’t feel real, everything was too perfect, “plus I do have to make an appearance at work, my manager is being very lenient, but I can’t be abusing that.”

“We should work on actually having dinner sometime, of all the meals we have yet to have, isn’t it cliched to have dinner early in a relationship?”

Aubrey laughed at that, while dressing in rehearsal clothes, footless tights rolled up around her ankles, her leo outlining her figure. Henry had to stop thinking about what Annie had shared, but he could see why she had brought it up. Pulling a sweater over, and stretch pants, the layers hid so much now. 

“I like being non-traditional, makes it more spontaneous, keeps you on your toes. Which reminds me, you own me some barre time.”

“I love Guiness..”

“No, stretch and balance, finding your center….” placing her hands on his still bare chest, feeling his warm hands circle her waist. 

“Of course you would remember that, I do keep my promises.”

“Stay focused, or I will get in trouble, I have to get to physio, we can’t go down that rabbit hole just yet” wanting just as much of his touch has he was giving, making it so hard to get ready to leave. “Let’s eat, and we can make plans for later.”

Being playful with his face, looking pouty like a 4 year old, “OK, working and all….”

“Does any of your family want to see the show?, before I forget…I can get VIP’s held, younger nieces and nephews, seats are going fast.”

“I will definitely share that, you are kind to offer. When can I come?”

“You can come whenever you want, actually, we are having a full rehearsal, its more relaxed. You can meet Brien. It’s common in the ballet world to meet dancing partners, I’ve met his partner already, they’ve invited me to an after party when the show closes. Would you like to come, very private, at someone’s home, significant others are assumed,” feeling a little naked at the invitation. This would be her first time thinking of them as a couple, also a tad afraid of his reaction. Trained responses to action she was so trying to move on.

“Sounds perfect, actually.”

“Next Tuesday, we start a tad early, 6pm, expected to go to 10pm for final bow arrangement. We get to sit in the house when not dancing, so I get to see some of it as well. You won’t have to sit alone for 4 hours” packing her bag, not really caring that it was all just getting stuffed haphazardly. 

“Lets eat something, before you have to go. How is your knee feeling?”

“Stiff, but fine, a session will do it good before hitting the floor.”

Aubrey followed him down the stairs, to the kitchen, Henry again producing something delicious of standard pantry stock, tomato soup well seasoned, a beautiful toast wedge, a small melt of cheese topping the bowl. They sat at the bar, comfortable as if they were years into a relationship, conversations of past holidays, favorite memories, school crushes, those awkward years that mean so little, but so defining of who they were now.

“I hate to bring it up, but I really need to hit the train,” hating the idea of leaving, but also wanting to get to the studio. “What are you doing for the rest of the day?”

“I actually am going to read a few outlines, I should look through a few things from my agent. I always say I’m off with no obligations, but I think I lie to myself, there is always something to read, discuss, should I, shouldn’t I……what could it turn into…., so much talking about 90 percent of things that never get to be seen,” more so, as a matter of fact, not actually depressed by the fact so much work stays in the dark. “Call me when you can tonight.” 

“Definitely will,” kissing him on the cheek, Henry turning it into something deeper, with wanting or remembrance, but either way, she didn’t mind. “Ill get you a backstage pass for Tuesday, to get through the door.”

The door shutting with her behind it, passing the window quickly as she was heading her way, the bright light from the windows hurting his eyes, watching her disappear. And again the feeling of being alone crept into his silent space, how quiet and empty it felt. His afternoon of chores retreating to the back of his mind, returning to his bed, if only to see if her scent still cast on the pillow, wrapping his arms around it, throwing his body over the strewn covers. He was giddy, almost electric in her aftermath, centered by a sea of calm that came from being seen, by another person. He felt like being Henry was enough, not his address, not his profession, just a guy in his favorite t-shirt and jeans, finding a girl beautiful in so may ways without a façade. It made his other break ups feel hallowed, the work that went into them, energy spent to exhausting what happiness that could have been felt, replaced by anger. More at himself that he didn’t ask for it to be fair to him, feeling at most to be used for something, gain, exposure, hidden intentions that only shown themselves when he needed a partner the most, when he needed something for the taking, maybe just a soft place to land. Smiling through pain, making thing looks good from the outside, keeping an image. If he gave up on all of it, would they have stayed, would they have wanted the simple life, would they live without the flash bulbs, would they have wanted him without them?   
And as if on cue, he phone chimed, an intrusion of his own time, from the world he suddenly questioned his own participation, expecting something out of him. Just maybe, it would be delayed, gifting himself the afternoon to remember what it felt like to have her in his hands, the closeness of his arms embracing her, the softness of her skin, how she made him feel. That would be enough for his afternoon, everything else would have to wait.


	10. Car rides and Surprise Visitors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breaking up a sister fight, but does Henry actually understand the history these 2 have?

Sitting at the kitchen table, saying absolutely nothing, sipping coffee, sighs of distain, a hard swallow, stirring little green packets of sweetener with the spoon hard enough to send daggers Aubrey’s way, as if the clinking of the spoon shared her thoughts betters than words.

“Did you skip that day in Etiquette and Manners class, ‘the spoon shall never touch the sides of the cup’, or is this awkward silence all I’m going to get this morning?” finishing her cup, walking towards the sink to deposit it.

“Since you haven’t listened to a word anyone has said, I’ve decided to keep it to myself. Why waste the oxygen, the Earth doesn’t have enough of it anyway, you’d be doing me and the boys a favor.”

“Come on Annie, I’m being careful, no one is going to be inconvenienced, just one more week and its all over.”

“Gone all hours, skipping coming home at all, have you even slept? Are we not good enough anymore, or is South Kensington where you will lay your head for another 6 months,” cutting her words, knowing she went a little to far, but she had to set her straight, “Have you kept all your shifts, looking like a walking Zombie,…”

“I haven’t missed work at all, I’ve actually been prepping baskets for gifts, something they never tried before, Maeve might keep them for other holidays, Valentine’s, Mother’s Day…”

“Will you still be teaching after, which got you into this mess any..”

“STOP!”….feeling tears brim over slowly running her face, “This wasn’t part of the deal, coming home, it’s not like it was before. I’m staying healthy, balancing everything” knowing she was starting to get ugly, heat flooding her cheeks, her voice loosing pitch, “you are treating me like a teenager, like I’m still sick…”

“You look sick, hell, I know you lost weight, I bet “the Company” hasn’t said a word, cinching your bodice tighter, tossing you around like a leaf….and him….that Henry, is he looking out for you, is he making sure you don’t start slipping further….”

“You told him about Mikka, he said you did, that was my life, not yours, it was for me to tell, not you…”

“But who practically saved your life….after everything….when am I going to get to relax, first Marc, and then you..”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t around when Marc got sick, I’m sorry I couldn’t help with the boys… I wasn’t the only family around, you are making me pay for it.’”

“No,….no you don’t…..don’t ever compare what you put me through to Marc, he had no choice….”

“I didn’t either…”

“Yes you did, what would walking away have done, you could have left at any time….”

“You know nothing……”

“I know what you give up, I know you choose that world over your own health, I know you give to much, you aren’t a kid any more……”

“Then stop treating me like one…”

“Stop acting like one!!!”

“I’m doing everything you want, I got a job, I got another one so I could move out of here….”

“You’re getting sneaky, you make promises you don’t keep….you don’t eat…”

“Annie no…..I don’t have to listen to this anymore…….”

“I don’t have to watch you do exactly what you did 2 years ago.”

“Happy effing Christmas to you too!”

“The car is leaving at 10am tomorrow to Brandon’s, its up to you to be in it…its your holiday”

Audrey ran to her room, slamming the door, getting dressed as fast as she could. Her warm ups and undergarments for the show were still drying from being washed   
the night before, a pile of pointe shoes prepped and stacked, all shoved into a bag without caring of consequence. She didn’t need to stay to hear it, she was doing fine, she felt fine, she felt in control, she was doing what everyone wanted. She would head to the theater early, she had nowhere else to go, for the time being. Henry was with his family, Lanae was also gone for the break. It was only a few hours more than she was planning as it is, it would have been nice to have time to prep gifts for the next day, it would have been nice to spend the morning with her sister. It would have been nice to not demand so much out of her, to let her just dance one more time, maybe, to enjoy it so maybe she could let it go on her own accord, to be done with it on her own terms. Hitting into bottles of pain meds, feeling an ache in her joints far beyond what she was used to, like aftershocks of long rehearsals, knowing what the whispers of aging truly did to the body. It could have been different if she didn’t have to work, it could have been different if she didn’t feel so torn.   
Aubrey wanted to call Henry, to hear his voice, to calm her soul. It wouldn’t have been fair to him, this was between her and Annie, Henry couldn’t be the crutch to make it all better. Spending a few nights at his mews was more about distance, he was so much closer, and most nights, she was so tired, it was beyond fathomable to think spending an entire hour getting home. Falling asleep on his couch, finding herself snuggled in his bed in the morning, it wasn’t anything beyond that, no deep infatuations played out running purely on lust, not being expected to stay with him out of his convenience. She didn’t need to justify it, she didn’t need to explain herself. 

The Tube was quieter than she was used to, what people were there kept glancing her way, most likely noticing her red eyes, tears not wanting to stop, tissues falling to the ground. Aubrey knew she looked like a wreck, she couldn’t stop crying, trying to hide her face curled up against her knees. Annie hit her heart to hard, to soon maybe for everything she was trying to balance. Annie hadn’t planned to see the show, letting the 4 tickets on the fridge go unused. Aubrey made sure she kept one for Toby’s girlfriend, maybe even enjoy the night out after, letting them see her work, enjoy a nice night out. That was even more of a hammer to her than the spat at the kitchen table. Separate now, not as supported as she was hoping, or how she wanted it to be. She wasn’t a teenager, this wasn’t a recital, so really, was she to expect it?, if it was just a job. Aubrey doesn’t visit Annie to see her print out reports at her office, applaud her for projects and consultations turned in early, is it one in the same, bouquets of roses replaced by a bed and a closet, sitting through performances a substitute for a full fridge. 

Walking away from the platform, hitting a Starbucks, no less, for a coffee, to hopefully finally stifle the tears, taking a bit longer to walk tot the theatre, trying to find her center. She had to get focused, tonight would be special for those in the audience, she wasn’t going to look like she didn’t want to be there, she couldn’t use the floor tonight to let it all out. She had to find the passion between her and Brien, it had been so easy, he has given so much of himself to create a beautiful time with her, she had to pull it together to give him the same. 

Aubrey’s pocket started to chirp, she knew right away who it was, she hesitated to answer.

“Hello,Beautiful, how was your night?” a tad louder than she expected, swallowing hard to fight back more tears.

“Fine the usual, how was yours? Did you and your brothers break any furniture yet?,” change the subject…please change the subject……

“We started with mimosas, one of my sister’s in law mixed them well this morning, my mum says we are cut off if it keeps up. She planned something formal tonight and we all must be behaving.”

“Sounds quite perfect actually.” Sitting on a cold bench, feeling heat escape her body, wishing for a bit of sun to peak through and warm her.

“My parents want to take you to a late dinner, when you close your show, if you think you would be up to it.”

“I think that would be lovely, meeting anyone for the first time in a tutu and stage make up is usually not the best first impression.”

“That will be Sunday then, and you still want to come for New Year, at my brothers?” 

“Wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

“You sound so tired. I am sorry I am not home.”

“Just the show today, we have a Christmas reception after, popping crackers and hors devourers with some VIP guests. Then I’m off for an entire day, no shifts or rehearsals…”

“To your brothers in the country…”

“Yes, long car ride and all.”

“You made it sound like torture…”

“Lets just say the boys with their headphones on…”her voice cracking, inhaling trying to cover it up….“Annie is on a rampage about being right all the time. I haven’t seen Thomas’ and Brandon’s families in so long, it would hurt to skip it just to avoid the conversation,” wiping her nose, hoping he didn’t hear the change in her voice.

“It’s Christmas, she needs to stop. Let you enjoy the holiday.”

“I am going to, even if it’s quiet between us.”

“Good, I love this time of year, and I want you to enjoy it as well. When are we exchanging gifts? I want to the minute I get back.”

“I forget to add that into next week…” thinking about the something small she picked out for him, and something for Kal, because one isn’t thought of without the other. She could go for a big snuggle with him right now, feeling nothing but a big fluffy body without opinions to share. “I have to go in, for another session, I’m sorry to cut it short, you are with your family anyway…they miss you I imagine.”

“I miss you, and they had me for years as it is….”

“I’ll call you later, during my break if that’s ok…what time is dinner so I don’t disturb?”

“ Six, you can call anytime, when you can, they understand.”

She almost couldn’t hold the tears back any further, she had to get off the phone, before she lost all resolve. “I will try before then. I love you, can’t wait to see you…”

“Love you too,..”

Aubrey hit the glass on her phone, cutting him off, before she became the puddle she didn’t want him to hear, he would try to fix it, offer perspective, sometime a mirror for her to reflect whatever it was she needed to talk through. Ending it fast would lead him to guessing, he had a habit of knowing how to read through her sometimes. Just one more show for now, then a good rest would do her some good. 

The silence on his phone was concerning, Aubrey never ends conversations like that, and to Henry she seemed preoccupied with choosing the correct words. In his short experience, she was hiding something, most times something complicated, layered and emotionally tying.   
Henry had walked himself towards his father office, quiet to finish the conversation, away from the boisterous house of kids and holiday cheer. He wished she could have been there with him, meeting his extended family, talking to his mother over tea, probably embarrassed by a story or two of his youth. Having a seat at the table next to him, wrapping their feet together underneath, maybe a few years later, passing a baby around. The alcohol made his brain fuzzy, wondering down paths of futures he didn’t need to rush, for Aubrey’s sake. This year would have been to soon, they were still learning about each other, she was still cautious with all of her thoughts, and this he could tell would just work its way over time, to give her space. 

“Everything ok?”, his mother, small in stature, but the center of the all chaos, of which he would never trade.   
Henry suddenly felt and overwhelming gratitude his parent ss were still with him, his family was large, and loving, supportive in so many ways. He couldn’t wait to share this with Aubrey, maybe to feel the gravity of it, to be grateful he was to be a part of it. The deaths of her parents, that missing piece, maybe, Aubrey even said was numb to her. She didn’t dwell on the lack of them being in her life, it wasn’t their fault, they were there in her heart, and there they would always be.

“Yes, at least she wants me to think so. Would you and Dad mind if I headed back a day early? Something is bothering me of which may need some attention.”

“Absolutely, I know that look on your face, you cant let that go.”

“I know I promised more time before filming again.”

“The house is full Henry, I will see you later in the week anyway. I can get your brother to take out the garbage…” keeping a stern look on her face.

“At least I was good for something…”

“Kal is being used like a horse, you may need to go save him..”

“I bet he’s guarding them,” as they continued out to the great room. 

88888888

A car ride home, Aubrey’s ear buds almost covering any chance of anyone else to permeate her thoughts, wanting this time to herself, and then not knowing what to do with it. The dark seemed endless, the moon lighting the clouds from behind, a far off town on another rambling road in the distance, offered the only glow. The boys in the back continuing on about gifts, cousins playing football in the snowy yard, how Toby needed to get back to chat with his girlfriend. Annie was muttering about something about keeping the day to just family. 

“Did he call you yet?”, annoyed, being the first to saying all day between the sisters.

“I called him this morning, he was with family today.”

“Hmmm.”

“It was good to see everyone today, Imogen is looking so much like Mom….”trying to keep conversation light, hiding the bit of fear in her voice.

“I’m still mad at you, I’ve let it burn out of my system for now. Don’t try to smooth it over like we are going to forget.”

“Can we agree to disagree.”

“That’s babble to not accept you need to stop living in a fairy tale….you could do so much more doing anything else, and your body won’t suffer for it.”

“It Christmas, can I just have Christmas without being judged..”starting to feel hard, when pain turns to anger, when she starts to stop feeling anything, shutting off to all of it.

“Fine,….”

Aubrey let her have the last word, it was better that way. The boys seemed to tune into the front seat, noticing how quiet they both became. “Who holds the Christmas tourney record this year?....Thomas or Brandon? Everyone looked like they were having fun in the yard”

“Uncle Tom’s team, we got the last goal, pretty shot to the corner, I guess you can say we were the favorites, every played in tourneys, Sarah has a great leg..but luck of the draw I guess.” 

“Ryan, it was fun and games, not something to hang over your brothers head…”

“I know Mom, everyone was being nice, no bad bruise for the morning…Uncle Brandon was ready to play goal really fast this year…”  
“  
So we’re all old now, Ryan….” Annie, getting sassy.  
“  
No….just…...I love and your awesome??” Ryan knowing how to get out of hot water.

“Toby is my new favorite…even though I don’t have favorites….”

“Be careful Ryan, you will need a car at some point…”Aubrey, trying to be the good Aunt.

Tension broke, for at least a little while, words weren’t sharp, topics were skirted, and for just a little bit, the sisters were at peace with each other, and it was the best present that Aubrey needed, in the car heading back to Chiswick.

888888888

The house quiet, the boys still sleeping, neighbors stirring for Boxing Day sales and donations. Annie enjoyed the quiet, Aubrey already at work, slipping out before the sun rose. Cleaning the house would wait, setting aside donation could also be put off until the weekend. Lounging in her bath robe, flipping through magazines, thinking about getting highlights to refresh her hair before getting back to the office after the holidays, mundane thoughts seemed to be saved for these moments. Lost in her own head, a soft knock at the door went unchecked, expecting it to be neighbors walking out trash, or whatever could make that sound, but nothing to do with her, or her house. 

Until it happened again, a tad louder. Now being able to pinpoint it source, the adrenalin of the surprise guest, being in a bathrobe shot her out of her, launching herself towards her room.

“Just a minute…” slamming her bedroom door, grabbing anything that seemed clean, jeans from yesterday, a cami and sweater over the chair would have to do, wrapping her hair up, tucking a workout headband to smooth the stays, jamming her feet into slippers, feeling the sweat bead down her back, thanking herself for keeping up with the gym, feeling more like an Olympic sprinter than a frazzled mom. Bounding down the stairs, stopping just at the door to catch her breath, hoping whomever was on the other side didn’t hear the commotion. The first thought on her mind was church goers hoping for donations, clothes pantry, thinking how would she politely turn them down, or a kid asking to get to the yard for a ball, or……pulling the door open, the light blinding unable to make out the large silhouette at first glance, then the realization, Henry Cavill was standing at her door.

“Oh…” stone silence, trying to hide her revulsion “Aubrey is at work, didn’t she tell you?”

“Good Morning!, Yes, I knew, but that’s not what brought me here. I actually wanted to talk to you.”

“A little warning would have been nice.”

“My apologies, I had no way to contact you, I took my chances”.

The silence was a little disturbing to Henry, this was not the usual reaction, hadn’t stood in a door waiting to be let in for a while, no exuberance at his presence, no stammering for words; Annie looking disgusted he was there, cold and uninviting.

“The house is trashed, I’m not apologizing, I don’t expect judgement, you should know the chaos of this house already. Coffee is fresh. How do you take it?” leaving the door open for him to follow.

Annie lead him into the kitchen, the brightest part of the lower floor, facing the morning sun. She refilled her cup first, then pulled one for Henry, pulling a carton of creamer out of the fridge for the table.

“So…..talk, that’s your reason for being here,” sitting sternly, straightening her shoulders, letting the fresh cigarette smoke waft off his coat filter through her nose, wishing she never quit 18 years ago.

“How as your holiday?...”

Annie raising her hand, not wanting to sit through niceties, “Stop….straight to the point, you are interrupting my morning of nothing, and I imagine your are bringing trucks loads of …..well, get on with it….”sipping her coffee loudly, conveying disdain.

“I know things aren’t easy between you and Aubrey at this point in time. She looks to you for support, heavily relies on your approval. Please,….help me figure out the best way to navigate this time the best way I can..”, doing everything he could to not sound like he was pleading for forgiveness.

“Where do you want to start first?” relaxing a bit, seeing honest in his eyes, god they were beautiful, distracting her, but everything about him was a distraction.

“I’m being very careful how I ask this, as I know there is dark history, but your aversion to her dancing again…can we start there?”

“I’m going to skip why I have a right to be angry, which I do, the world itself should be turned upside down, I don’t know why she finds it so alluring. But anyway……I’m going to start 6 years ago, she was given a role as lead, it was part of the Opera, so still intensive but not a full length….and that’s when it started, the tearing her down by choreographers, the endless rehearsals, classes, weight checks….she seemed to be happy regardless. So time moves on, and tours, gone for months…I’ll save Mikka for another time, which Aubreys not exactly happy with me mentioning him before…..” she paused, sipped from her cup again, taking a deep breathe like she was finding courage to walk into a fire fight.

“I ….I’ve seen many girls pressured into doing horrible things, none of it safe…I’m even guilty of keep standards for my own self, let alone what I get from producers.”

“She got a little skinny, concerning but not scary, and she was with Mikka at the time. Then another tour,…..I didn’t see her for over a year, shows up on my door step, skin and bones, could barely stand for more than 5 minutes, hair falling out in clumps…..just….”tears brimming at her eyes, ready to slip down her cheeks, being so naked in front of him, “I had never seen anyone look that way…and that was getting her healthy just putting weight on, kidneys shutting down…it was so taxing to her, then finding out the broken ribs, the broken feet, that company she was with did nothing, just sent her back out on stage lining up show after show…and that’s what worse, they did nothing, they force it to happen and they accept no responsibility…” letting it hang for a second, Henry transfixed on her words, “I have may reasons to hate it, I almost lost her, I can’t do it again.”

“You don’t need to be alone……”

Annie staring straight into his eyes, wanting to trust him so badly, knowing Aubrey needed stability more than anything, trying to wrap logic around why he was sitting in her kitchen. 

“I want to trust you….so help me god, I do. I’ve noticed she’s been slipping again, I assume she’s with you when she hasn’t been back here. Do you understand what it means to care for someone, always watching, thinking the worst, never getting comfortable….”

“Let’s think of right now, the show is almost over, I saw the last rehearsal, it is was amazing, they seemed to be on top of everything, her slip on her knee, making sure she was could keep going at that level…”

“She losing weight…”

“And working another job, exhausting herself.”

“I can’t assume…..I know she has a place to land with you, when it gets to be tough here. But you have to promise me,…….I don’t know why I’m explaining myself to you. She’s an adult, if she wants to wreck myself again….why should I fight for her to stop.”

“You’re approval means everything to her, you have carried her through so much, and that’s why I am here today. She doesn’t want to disappoint you, I know she feels she has done it already.”

“No she hasn’t…..how could she. I want her to think about her future, dancing doesn’t last forever.”

“Teaching seems to be her outlet for that, she said to me she wanted to take her exams for that to be certified. I don’t think this show was a gateway to anything permanent,” taking the last gulp of his coffee, ”she looked amazing, and her partner is just a wonderful person.”

“You’ve met him?” quizzically, her face sweeping with guilt

“Yes, when she invited me to the rehearsal, I got to meet a few of the cast. Brien is extremely focused, very kind. They were working so well together.”

“And you have no problem with their choreography…I heard about their duet”

“I work in a world were sex scenes are filmed and boy friends and girlfriends watch off to the side, the perspective is a little different from my view.”

“Point taken.”

“It seems you haven’t seen it,” not trying to sound biting at that statement, but for clarity. No matter how he said it, he felt Annie would recoil.

“No,….I couldn’t let her get away with it, she knew I didn’t agree.”

“I think it would do a lot of good if you did. It would reaffirm something she’s looking for, from you.”

“I’ll think about it….”

Silence hung in the kitchen, he had made his point, felt a resolve from his view, not really knowing if Annie heard him or not.   
She let out a sigh, shifting in her chair, almost uncomfortable looking, clearing her throat, “What are you getting out of this, I have reason to be cautious, you have to understand.”

“It’s not about me, its about Aubrey. Honestly…”

“Yes, honesty…you have that to be with me..”

“I’m not even really comfortable talking about her, without her here, it feels deceiving.”

“Some things are meant to stay between sisters” holding her stance, sounding harsher than she expected, regretting it immediately.

“I see.”

“It matters to her health, you can’t fault me for that..”

“I don’t, I have four brothers, I know the glue that sticks us together. I just want her to be happy.”

“I want her to be happy too,” a hard swallow, hot wetness slipping down her cheek, looking away from Henry, feeling a release of worry, a shift of being entirely alone, less like a loving sister, more like a warden to a charge. All of her anger would be a regret, to be mad at her for the past, when trying to look forward. Aubrey was asking for help, to be loved, what she was always looking for, and Annie felt a monumental shift, realization of another perspective.   
Allowing Annie a bit of time, for composure, Henry grabbed her cup, going to the pot for the refill for both of them, returning to the table without expectation of anything. A quick smile through red eyes, tension gone. It was enough for now, sitting in Annie’s kitchen, being heard and accepted. No more needed to be said, they sat and enjoyed the quiet.


	11. Dressing for the Weather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When everything seems perfect, that's when everything crumbles. This is a bit of a two chapter stretch, keep reading, it will be posted.

“My God girl, you made Brien look so good, he going to need to hold onto you for the next 20 years,” Anders, embracing Aubrey at the door their the couples apartment, inviting them in to the party already a bit loud. “You are a gift, he’s going to miss you, I’m going to miss you…..” hugging her even harder. His meticulously paired crisp ripped jeans and black gauzy dress shirt, rings tastefully on a few fingers, a leather cuff watch in perfect reflection of an armband tattoo, he looked fabulously casual but in command as host. 

“It was a great show, and it was a blessing to work together”, enjoying the moment, before hesitating to let go.

“We need to drown our tears tonight, the drink of the night is in the punch bowl, I made it, yes its heavy, but why not have a little fun. I know your beau likes to take it slow, beers in the fridge, he can help himself”, whispering in her ear….”I’m helping myself to a little eye candy, damm girl, you know how to pick them, we’ll talk later…”, handing her a glass of something pink and fizzy, “have fun tonight….I insist!”

“He really knows how to throw a party…looks better than many high scale events,” Henry wrapping his arm around Aubrey’s waist of her little party dress. A denim jacket with a pair of matching converse, his fingers feeling the sharpness of her hips through the thin material, something he didn’t remember from the first time he held her, “I’m grabbing a bite, I need to pace myself,” grabbing from tiered trays around a small buffet, appetizers meticulously stacked almost to pretty to devour. 

“Me too, the party special is really heavy, but if I had two of these, I’d be swinging from the chandelier.”

“I’d like to see that,” lowering the tone in his voice, ”but just for me, wearing next to nothing, with the wind making you nips tight,”

“My gosh, Henry, ask and you shall receive, but you need to be a good boy, and be patient,” finish her flute in one more gulp, letting the dance music rattle her chest a bit, pulling him towards the dance floor. 

The apartment was not by any means small, the first floor opened to a two story window over looking the docks, iron rails followed red brick stairs to the upper level, other cast member already lining both floors. Lights changed color to the beat of the music, making the large splatter art work be seen as never expected, the only light for the dance floor, making faces almost unrecognizable, but Aubrey could still see Henry’s deep penetrating gaze, the alcohol hit her head, letting any inhibitions fall. Grinding her hips against hard body, they were just one of the couples of all kinds playing out to rhythms with skills not seen at dance clubs. The blue flicker of light caught the lighter facets of grey in her eyes, making them glow like diamonds in moon light. Sweat bead down her back, she could feel his shirt starting to get damp, his lips tasting salty after a deep kiss. She had to be careful in public, she could have lead him to any fixed wall and had her way with him, right then and there. 

“I’m thirsty, lets find something to cool off with in the kitchen…” hoping Henry actually heard her, pulling his moist hand. “This doesn’t count as that dance class you   
owe me”

“I’m moving my feet and engaging core…..”

“Silly…ok, I’ll take that as first steps…”

The kitchen was quieter, beautifully laid out chefs style, professional grade everything, trays of hors duoverse laid out on the galley counter top. Helping herself to the refrigerator, as she was told, grabbing 2 chilled beers from the shelves. Looking for glasses, Henry pulled them both from her hand, popping the caps off with his strong fingers, taking a hard sip of his own.

“Oh, thank god, I like dressing up, but I like it from the bottle better, a glass just makes more work.”

“And its not a Guinness, so why make something more to clean.”

“I never knew you liked dancing so much…”propping herself up on a unused section of counter, Henry immediately centering himself resting his hands beside her, leaning face to face. 

“I actually miss a good night of clubbing, haven’t done it in years,” letting her heat be felt across his face, a fragrance she was wearing penetrating deep to his core, making it so hard to concentrate on being proper.

“You two,” Anders, with Brien walking into the kitchen, depositing dirty dishes, “Henry, we haven’t been formally introduced, I’m Anders, Brien’s partner, I’ve heard a lot about you. Welcome to our home”, extending his hand to Henry, “I know you’ve met Brien.”

Pulling himself away from Aubrey, hoping to not looked annoyed, already slamming the breaks on was hard enough, now forcing himself to be cordial, “Yes, extraordinary performance, I’m glad I got to see them together.”

“We need to get Aubrey to stay, I could even see Romeo and Juliet out of them.”

“If it’s something she wants to keep doing, I would support that, but I think a nice break to sort things out, rest and recoup is the only thing she is planning on for the   
time being.”

“Everyone deserves that, my case load has been so heavy this year, I’m forcing myself to not go into the office for another week, courts isn’t in session, why not just be home for a bit.”

“That’s right, you are a lawyer, what your concentration?”

“Corporate and Media, who owns what when its words and thoughts mostly. Pays for this apartment, so I can’t complain. And that’s how I met Brien, Arts Law class in Uni, he was such a baby face then.”

“Seems interesting”

“It can be, but mostly comparing originality. It can be crushing.”

“I don’t doubt it. My brother is a producer, he shares some of his headaches sometimes.”

“So you and Aubrey,” waiting for him to fill in some gap “new relationship I’m assuming”

“We met in the fall, we both have been busy, but now, we get to do more as a couple,”

“Well, good luck to you, it must be tough being so public,”

“We’ve enjoyed how quite that has been, I’m hoping it stays that way,” crossing his arms, trying to size up what Anders was eluding to.

“I will make sure nothing comes out of here, I understand what you have to do to keep it, I’m not jealous of that side effect one bit.”

“I would appreciate it that,” relaxing a bit, for some reason, trusting him and his word. Henry wanted their relationship to be as normal as possible, away from the cameras, front page tabloids, crazy speculation, the pressure of looking perfect. He was not, he never expected to be, he only wanted to be perfect for her. He felt a bit pitied by the look on Anders face. “ This is a beautiful apartment, I’m really impressed with how the old is blended a living space. Great art as well.”

“My family is Nordic, I like the Sami artists, I have some embroidered modernist tapestries in the hall. When the canvas is white, the world is snow, and everything else is color, is the story told upon it.” Pausing to brew some coffee, laying out stacks of small cups near other items on the buffet. ”You didn’t come here to talk about art, you came here for Aubrey."

A tad shocked by how truthful Anders was, something he wasn't expecting for polite conversation. “Yes, I did, very much. Very little gets by you.”

“No, I’m glad you came to enjoy the evening. Is it different to not have all the attention on you?”

“Glady not on me, I’m miss this, conversation, just being Henry, and not posing for pictures or autographs. It can be very isolating.”

“If you ever want to feel normal, the door is always open. We act like adults here. And if your really missing out, you can stay and do the dishes, these hands don’t deserve the torture,” keeping a serious face. “Brien really looks to Aubrey as well, I hope she doesn’t disappear, they have become great friends, even if not on stage.”

“That’s wonderful to hear, I’m very happy for her,” holding back a little, knowing Aubrey had to trust Brien in ways she couldn’t have allowed herself before. It meant a lot to him to hear of their friendship.

“Go find your girlfriend, everyone a little bit liquored up, perfect time for party games!” walking way from the kitchen, “ENOUGH DANCING EVERYONE, we need to get a little honest….”

It didn’t take him long to find her, and actually her hand found his first, a blind corner between the large floor to ceiling window and a bookcase as a divide, alone with only the street lights in reflection, she finding his lips, tasting like cinnamon. Her hands on the back of his neck, pulling him harder, he wanting to take her so hard, but disappearing would raise eyebrows, and she was most likely a few shots to deep anyway.

“You found the fireball, your kisses taste spicy,” a couple more pecks on the lips, she still putting almost all her weight into him. “How about some ginger soda, and we go into the great room with everyone else.”

“Lexi and I found the mixers, they have top shelf only. I need to find more friends that are only top shelf,” wrapping her arms around his neck, feeling nothing of her feet, letting herself be lead. “You know no one is upstairs, we could slip away, maybe make a baby, so I have something to do. I’m so horny anyway, you could have your way with me….”

Pulling her back towards the kitchen, putting a glass of water in her hand, “Slow down, none of that is going to happen, We are going to enjoy your cast mates, have a good time, Brien and Anders and put together this wonderful goodbye party, and we are going to be respectful of that.”

“So order me around, sit still, ‘control yourself Aubrey’, is that what your telling me to do? When did you become my keeper?,” angry, slurring her speech, but still no balance. 

“Aubrey, you have had a few to many, I know you want to have a good time. I think it would be best, if we joined everyone else. That’s all” in his head, thinking the   
worst, photos ending up on the internet, the phone call from his manager he would not like receiving, about proper image, always thinking about the future. Him having to slip outside with her passed out to a car, those always seem to find the wrong light of day. And a baby, where did that come from……that was another conversation or another day. Taking a deep breathe, refilling her glass with more water, “Slowly sip this, they have some nice white upholstered furniture that I imagine would like to stay that way.”

“Oohhh, I think they are playing Charades, that’s the costume mistress, always pinning, clamping more like it….”  
He was so thankful she got distracted. It was easier for him to sit with her on the floor, against a chaise, already full with a couple, he was handed a floor pillow, stretching his legs out, and she nesting comfortably between them. The cast laughing deeply at inside jokes, more games played, enjoying each other company, small gifts from the dance captain were handed out, coffee cups replaced flutes and shots, the music turned to slower, softer. Couples started retreating, saying good byes, hugs were shared. 

To Henry, Aubrey seemed more settled, maybe the alcohol burned through her already, time had done its duty, maybe the water helped. She could stand on her own, her words were clear. Talking to a few other women he remembered dressed like flowers during the show, they were collecting dishes, and walking them to the kitchen, he followed without a word. Aubrey shot a look to him, more like glare, but keeping her composure. It was cold and burning, he had never seen her with that scowl directed at him. He played the dutiful boyfriend, staying in the background, grabbing coats.

“Well, Henry, it was great to see you, you are always welcome here, stop by any time, you and Aubrey. I may need furniture moved, you seem well enough or the job!” shaking hands with Anders, “remember, don’t be shy here, I don’t want to lose Aubrey, she is a gift” his face being sincere. 

Aubrey wrapping her arms around Brien, “You will go so far, take care of yourself, I mean it. I told Stephan to call me for anything, if something opens up, even temp, just let me know,” one last embrace, feeling tear swell, she didn’t want to shed. Turning to Anders, “Thank you for this, it was a wonderful evening” and a quick hug to him as well. Henry had extended his hand to her, gloved against the turned weather, now blustery of a storm. She hesitated slightly, a pip of anger floating over, sliding into his palm, gripping it a bit tighter than she usually would. He didn’t make eye contact until out on the foyer. 

“Are we going to talk about it?”, angry, feeling his voice turn.

“About what, you trying to control me, you telling me what I can and can not do…”

“You’re behavior aside, why did you choose to go down that road, get shit faced for no good reason, we were having a good time, and then you decide to lose all self control…”forcibly keeping his voice low.

“Was it embarrassing to you, was it not appropriate, was it going to tarnish your image, were you worried more about you…” anger making her rigid, a slight echo of her voice, watching his face contort with annoyance. 

“God Aubrey, no, not at first.”

“So you did, am I supposed to be a ‘good girl’ all the time, fit into your little profile of what a girlfriend should be?....you can’t tell me what to do…”

“I was saving you from making a fool of yourself, why did you and that other girl decide to do that? Become totally inebriated, saying things that made no sense…”pushing the glass and brass door, much harder than needed, slamming against the jab.

They had made it outside to a waiting car, the driver, offering in pose to open the door for them. Aubrey was starting to hate this, keeping quiet, idle conversation, not letting on to honest talking, because someone else was always present. And just now, he admitted to putting the image before her, even if for a fleeting moment, her needs were second to a façade, that he had to be worried about consequence. She couldn’t get in, she couldn’t force herself to sit through too long of scorching silence. She wanted to scream, she wanted him to feel how empty she felt, how hallow the future was going to be, how she finally found where she could belong, how it was slipping through her fingers. 

“I think its better if I go home to Chiswick, I can get myself there, Im not going to make a fool of myself, as you so stated, I’m fine, least all of your concern” turning away, to the main road where traffic was louder. Her little jacket no longer sufficient for the wet snow, her sneakers instantly sopping, but she wasn’t going to regret how cold she would become. 

“You are being unreasonable, you’ll freeze first. I can’t let you…Aubrey..STOP!”, walking, almost running after her, no longer caring what the driver saw, and they were   
sequestered from stating anything if ever asked. “Please think this through, I can have Morgan take you home…”

“I need to be alone..” almost as a whisper, not even directing to him. Her hair already wet, the chill deepening, feeling his fingers wrap around the back of her arm, turning her towards him, his face dripping, hair already glistening. “What do you want out of me, I don’t know I have enough….I can’t be enough for you…., I don’t know how else to make you happy….”

“You don’t need to MAKE me happy…..I don’t know how else to make you understand….if everything in my world would to go away, and I have nothing left but you and me, that would be enough, you are enough, not because I think you are beautiful, not because you are the only person I want to wake up to, to fall asleep with, to wrap my arms around when everything is too much……you are not something to put in a box,” his hands on both her shoulders, feeling her body shake, seeing fear in her eyes. “I would never hurt you…,”his voice getting hitched in his throat, seeing how frail she really was, how defensive she’s learned to become. It rocked him so deeply, not all scars are visible, she was protecting herself, of what he knew about the time before, more reason for Annie to be so protective. “Let’s go home…”

“I can’t, not with you, not right now. My world, I thought I had control, I thought I could live without it, you can’t tell me you can live without the next film or show, I know you can’t wait to get back, I’ve seen scripts pile up, I see your calendar….where do I fit in all of that…” pulling away, “tell me where I fit, tell me where…where am I in all of that?”

“That’s not fair…”watching her face drip, her hair falling to her shoulders, the feeling in the pit of his stomach that no matter what he said……

“When is it going to be fair to me, Henry…,” she stared into is eyes, he at a loss for words, seeing only pain in return. A moment of silence between them, the hiss of snow piercing his hot skin, he waiting, for words to come to him, waiting for his brain to catch up to what needed to be said, spoken so many times before; written, edited, rehearsed, and now failing him at the most important moment. This was raw, nothing to be acted, only felt in his core, ripping him down to the smallest he had ever been, watching her walk away, the gas light no longer casting on her small frame, in silhouette, turning the corner, wanting to chase her, promise her to take all the pain away, to fix everything, to make her happy. Getting into the car alone, without saying a word, it heading the opposite direction, keeping his face stoic to his heart breaking into scattered pieces, feeling the tires hit the stones to his semi- private alley, pushing the door open before Morgan could navigate, leaving the gentleman to his own volition after slamming the white oak slab to the outside world, alone with his own thoughts, haunting him in the empty silence.


	12. Finding a Place to Land

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The companion....cocoons and friends couches....hint of depression, getting stuck in one's own mind, but having the tools to work through it.
> 
> Another little angel we have seen before, helps them out here.

“Aubrey, your phone’s ringing…..” pushing against her shoulder, trying to wake her up. Lanea had let her sleep, what ever happened, it had to rough, showing up at her door step at 1 in the morning, saying nothing. She had at least got her to change, some sweats and a t-shirt, before piling her up with blankets on the couch, still shaking from the cold. Now, later in the morning, Lanea felt the urge to root the issue, not let her drop anchor in her tiny apartment. “Don’t shut the world out, you sisters been trying to get a hold of you.”

Aubrey fluttered her eyes a bit, rolled oved and pulled the covers over her head. The urge to cry hit her again, wanting to get lost in the dark cocoon she wrapped herself in. She bargained with herself, maybe just an hour more, find something on the tele to drowned the thoughts in her head, staring out the window and watch the shadows change with the drifting light. Now alone, Lanea leaving for work, warm light changed the grey cast, leaving any image lifeless and devoid of color. Her hands still shaking, the act of sitting draining her of all energy. Closing her eyes to the vacant world, she concentrated beyond the walls, heard buses and cars carrying on, children laughing as the school bell released them, a siren passing, other people walking the stairs in the apartment building, the wind rattling the windows. She lost herself here for how long, she didn’t care, opening her eyes to near darkness, a red glow from the west picking the last bit of sun, her favorite time of day, when Henry hair would show its undertones of rich auburn, his eyes would glow in the warm light. There was something special about him in that light, now wrecking her heart to think about it, burrowing back under the covers, silently screaming, taking in big gulps of air that her lungs could no longer seem to manage. Her fingers digging into the flesh of her palms, angry at him, angry at herself, feeling the skin give out, pain not registering her to stop. Not feeling anything was easier, boxing up emotion, shutting it down until nothing hurt, her body known how to react here, it was something conquer, something she could control. 

Falling down this hole again, the abyss that claimed her, her safety. Shame that she was here repeating the entry into these walls in her head, feeling less than capable of handling the everyday, maybe settling for a job that paid the bills, finding joy in other things, letting that enough of a life for her. Why was it so hard to let go, why was life more vibrant?, why did she tie every emotion to expression of her body, her time on stage? It wasn’t applause, it was how she learned to speak, where she told her story, where she felt boundless. But if a bird was loved by a horse, where would they live? It wouldn’t be fair to only let them watch and love them in the grace of their flight, feeling only the wind from their wings. She would have to learn how to walk along side, let his strength carry her when she was weak, trust him with everything.

Her gut felt in fell to the floor, the passing whim of him not wanting her in his life, growing deeper, tears exploding, gripping all her fears, expelling guilt from her core. He didn’t deserve it, he didn’t deserve be shut out, lashing out at him. Henry had loved her so deeply, it filled her in so many ways. It could have been enough, it should have been enough, she wanted that life with him to make her happy. His life so isolating, hard to trust in others, and yet he trusted her. The secrets they shared, nothing on a whim, breaking barriers she didn’t know he could have. And she did nothing but blame him for loving his art as much as she loved hers. She knew her time would be fleeting, it would spit her out, it would break her, her time being almost over. Henry still had time in his world, in his art, it still loved him, she using that against him. He never complained about rehearsals, he offered his home, he would make sure she had favorite foods in his cupboard, he would carry her up the stairs to sleep well on his bed, learned to tape the blistered on her toes. What could she have wanted more, why did she have to destroy him too? She could keep blaming others for what they did, what she lived through; given the greatest gift she could have ever received, Aubrey can only blame herself for tarnishing it.

Aubrey had no more energy for emotion, her face gritty, my mouth to dry to speak. Startled by light blinding her eyes; Lanea had returned to still find her unmoved from her living room. 

“Did you eat anything yet?”

Aubrey said nothing, eyes half closed, standing to shed her cocoon, grabbing her now dry jacket, and shoes, wearing still what she was given, passing by the door not saying anything to her long time friend. Her phone buried in her, vibrating from new texts, 23 unread. Stopping by a store for cigarettes, the first drag burning her lungs, coughing up more than she expected, not having one in as long as she could remember. She would walk to her sisters, clean up her messages and enjoy the fag before the inquisition she knew lay ahead of her. The first ten, deleted, mostly if she was still alive. The next ten, asking if she was planning to be home in time for work, please mind the noise in the house when returning. Two came later that afternoon, poking at something with Henry, was she ok, she was calling hospitals and police stations looking for her, the last to please text back. She did, an hour past the last, she was fine, she was walking home, and yes she was going to work the next day.

The one text she almost couldn’t bare to read, the one from Henry, asking to please tell him if she is safe. She knew he would see that as read, that should be enough for now, she read it, she should be. 

The distance wasn’t long enough, she wanted the cold to numb her, she wanted the dark to hide shadows across her face. The light from all the windows glowing, everyone was active, her nephews outlines at desks and teles, her sister sprawling work over the dining table. This was not her home, she never intended it to be, she didn’t want it rely on it so much as she had been. It was her sisters, her brother in law still a reminder of what it meant for them, a home to raise their kids, to watch them grow. She was a guest, and was going to do more to remain that way. Feeling guilty for smothering her third cigarette out on her sister stoop, she entered without a word, heading straight to the stairs, not running either but not expecting conversation. The bathroom free, showering under the hot water, coughing hard than she would have liked, her body floating through the motions, feeling disconnected. She didn’t dare look at the mirror, brushing a days worth of knots out her long hair, suddenly feeling the urge to cut it. That would wait, she knew not to make any decisions like that in haste. Making sure her work clothes were laid out for an early start, turning her light of to be in the dark again, pulling up Henry’s text staring at it until her eyes blurred, her pillow wet, letting go of her phone to be in complete blackness.

********

“So, why should I hire you?” two owners, at least she thought they were, both in leather jackets and jeans, a few tattoos, a thistle on the shaven head gentleman was the most shocking.

“I’ve worked at clubs before, I know what you are looking for, working private parties, corporate and yet still keep it going for the floor. I was a former dancer, I can also hold my own out there.”

“What your posion?” the one she only would think of crew cut.

“None really, maybe a few cigs even now and then,” she wouldn’t let it on she gave up liquor all together, but if anything was her new vice, it probably was Henry’s brand of cigarettes.

“Well, you look the part, can you bar back for a few nights first, get the lay of the land, and then we will see. I have a corporate hire next Thursday, banker types, I may need staffing for that,” interrupted by whispers from shaven head, while starring at her up and down. Her tight black tank top, dark jeans that she looked poured into, heels she could barely stand in with her show callouses going useless. “Wear something to run around in, but I think you have it down, we do have a style code for our staff. Lindsay and Decay, right around the corner will help you, tell her Bruce sent you.”

“Thank you” holding back a bit of excitement, she didn’t want to look desperate. 

“Tomorrow night, we start at 7 for prep, the back door,” from shaven head. He seemed harder, and maybe the one to please more, but at least she had her foot in the door. This and the coffee house would put her to being able to afford her own place, maybe share with a swing from the ballet, who also was out of work, and Lanea would still let her teach, pairs class once she passed her boards. She would be living on the Tube practically, but it would be sufficient to support herself, and for just a short while, call that enough. To settle her sister with the news of a second job, she grabbed a few leaflets on the Skills Assessment prep, not to close the door on that either. 

Her feet took her to a park in South Kensington, not far from their first coffee house visit, what would seem like forever ago, was really only 5 months. She was once so terrified to belong, now missing the beauty of it, not knowing if those who lived near ever took time to marvel in it wonder. Sitting only to update her calendar and warm up with a tea from a shop she had missed, a familial sound of Kals bark perked her ears. She wasn’t ready to see him, she was hoping it was the dog walker he would hire for a busy day. Turning the corner, the women Aubrey knew as Pam, small in stature, Kal was the only one that seemed to notice her, his black eyes chasing what his snout told him, she still a far stretch from being noticed. He got a little exuberant for control, trying to pull in Aubrey’s direction, but she got him steered away, as he should have been. 

Aubrey held her breathe for what felt like way to long, inhaling deeply as they turned further away, the cold rattling her chest, that annoying cough not going away on it own. She felt like a stalker, she felt like a fake, trying to hold her own, pulling at strings that would barely keep her afloat, sitting in a park meant for higher society and not people like her, almost ratted out by Henry’s solid companion. She briskly walked away, toward the Tube for an all too familiar walk. 

*******

“So, two jobs, and moving in with Lexi? That was fast.”

Aubrey trying to read Annie, she has been so closed with her feelings, for whatever reason over the last month. She hadn’t asked about anything that transpired, the lack of Henry in her life, coaxing conversation when Aubrey was at her quietest. Maybe the fights had been enough, she finally agreed to disagree, and let her just be without trying to be such a mother hen.

“The boys will definitely miss you, they’ve gotten used to,” paused by Aubrey’s hacking cough, “you should get that looked at, have you read the news about all those people…so sad, some illness,” her attention back to her laptop. “When?”

“When, what?”

“Moving? Will there be a big day, or just box up your stuff and disappear?” sounding a bit sarcastic, but Aubrey wasn’t going to bate that. 

“I actually don’t know. Her current room mate is moving to Birmingham, so after that I, I assume.”

“Ok, if you need the car, just put it on the calendar,” packing her laptop in her bag, and jutting out for the morning.  
Alone in the house, not having to be anywhere, flipping through Annie’s magazines, an article about filming locations, the “Witcher” using a castle in northern England, a bit of an uproar with preservationists. His picture fronted the article, from last year’s promo photoshoot. She missed his eyes, she missed the feeling of his body behind hers, their hands touching. Maybe his smile most, or how centered he made her see everything. Her reliance was what scared her, but his strength was what propelled her further. She needed him more than ever, to feel his embrace, to feel his heart against her when he was sleeping. It was her secret calm, sometimes waking with a start, but he was there, warm, embracing her, his heart constant and steady, something she would fall back asleep to. Glancing back at her phone, his last text, now buried under a few chains. She was petrified to be the first to reach out, to see the aftermath of what she did, if she hurt him just as much as she hurt on her own. Would he even take her call, would he listen, would he ever trust her with is heart again? She wasn’t sure she deserved it.  
*********

Two weeks, living in her new place, finding that balance with her new room mate, keeping up with both jobs was waring her down. The club hours were such, most nights she changed and went straight to the coffee house, returning to sleep for the afternoon before heading back out. Her reprieve was neither constant, so days without either staying in bed, thumbing though travel books, maybe trying to pinch together enough for a quick weekend holiday for the spring. She loved Paris in the spring, even on her own, museums, corner café’s, walking the bridges, watching artists paint a master pieces along the pavements. It would be something to look forward to, a bit of exploration, , making up for lost time, when seeing the world was just that, seeing it through a window. 

Something had changed in her, heavier make up to cover the dark circles, a hoarseness in her voice after waking up that took more and more to clear before heading to either job. Taking her sisters advice she made an appointment for her day off, probably to hear the speech to stay away from smoking, to slow down, to shake a cold made worse by that night, a night she wished she relive and choose so differently, to be the good girl everyone always told her she should be.   
That morning was quiet, Lexi already gone to her office temp position, such in contrast to her personality, lively and bubbly, it was hard to imagine her in a stark office, milling about with reports and folders, answering phones, sorting mail. Aubrey dressed is easy clothes, grabbing anything important she thought she would need for checking in for her appointment, flutters in her stomach, updating records about her history, usually getting treated a bit differently after admitting to an eating disorder. Somehow trusting her word was tainted with honesty, for which she would like to avoid the entire scenario all together. The door rang, not expecting is was for her, hitting the com saying Lexi was out, expecting one of her friends, but not anything meant for her. The voice that responded shocked Aubrey, from someone that she would never expect to be standing at her door, on that side of town.

“Well, that’s great she out, we can talk alone, and I don’t have all day, can you let me up?” the unmistakable sound of sass from Lily, his assistant, formidable in her own right, probably on a chore to return a few things left as his mews. Miniscule tasks always brought out her best vocabulary, she would rather move and army than do the mundane. Buzzing her up, still in shock she took the time to find her, not knowing how she did, but James Bond had nothing on her tactical skills. Aubrey prepped the kettle, knowing she wouldn’t take a cup of tea anyway, but offering made her feel better, tea during times like this was calming and much needed for her.

The door knock was just as in tempo as it was standing in Henry’s kitchen, three raps in concession, clear and crisp if her knuckle was calloused for that task alone. Aubrey hesitated, her hand on the knob, feeling the warmth returned to her hand, her body frozen with doubt and anticipation of something painful. Lily knew she was home, she couldn’t act like she wasn’t hoping she would just go on her way, leaving whatever it was in front of her door. The part of facing the inevitable, instead of running, Aubrey held the knob, feeling every click of the barrel ready to shoot a bullet to her heart. The force that was this women, took no time in entering, whizzing past Aubrey like a and express train, stopping only when she had nowhere else to proceed after a few short strides.

“So, this is home now?” to Aubrey, still in shock that she was standing in front of her, her hard labor to keep this now shabby feeling small space to call her own, years of layers of paint, windows that may have had a view of something pretty at one point, cheap framed posters covering a bit a neglectful landlord, adding a drip from the kitchen like bombs from an air raid in Aubrey’s ears. The whole apartment for two people fitting into the same space as half the living room in Henry’s mews, but comparisons had to stop there for Aubrey, this was a beginning, humble but hers to start with, no one else’s. “Well, you do keep it clean.” Lily’s tweed coat, meticulously tailored, dark jeans and boots gracing a style magazine, still fit for extensive traveling, perfectly paired for any situation, but more for South Kensington.  
“I just put on a kettle, would you like tea, to warm up, it is very drafty here.”

“I’m fine, thank you,” pausing to really look at her face, seeing an Aubrey she wasn’t ready to see, tired, lacking color, missing the light in her eyes that Lily knew kept Henry at her side. “Are you well, I must say, you don’t look it.”

“I’m fine thank you, I work nights and still the café, my schedule is a bit flipped at the time being,” prepping a pot with a lemon tea, hoping it would clear her throat for the rest of the conversation. “What brings you here, if you don’t mind me asking?” Aubrey gesturing to a small table with bar stools, a small pot of sugar and spoon resting from Lexi’s morning.

“Yes, right…..”placing her bag down, sitting in such a way French models would be jealous, perfect posture, resting her hands against her long legs, nervous, loosing her hard exterior, looking for words, looking out of her element. “How do I say……I know you don’t know me well, you have always been gracious to me, you don’t know how much I have appreciated that.” She paused, looking straight at Aubrey, into her eyes, tempering how she was going to continue. “I don’t handle Henry’s private life, I never have, we have that an understanding and I have kept to that. I’m not here at his…..I came here on my own, and you are very hard to find.”

“I didn’t think….I wasn’t running. It was time for me to move out of my sisters.”

“Understandable, she was very hard to get any information.”

“You talked to Annie?”

“Briefly, lovely women, we got on well, don’t worry. Anyway, I came to tell you,” hesitant with her words, “I don’t know what transpired between you and Henry, but if there is something that could be mended, if there was a way for you to start talking again, I would hate for both of you to let something wonderful that you had disappear.” Stopping to let Aubrey absorb what she just heard. “I’m saying this as a friend, to both of you.” Grabbing her arm, hoping she was expressing herself fully. Aubrey hadn’t seen Henry wall himself in his mews for 5 days, talking to no one, leaving only to run his required workout, or take care of Kal. Not taking calls, moving things off his calendar, letting things pile. A call from his manager at least got him planning for the move to the set at the end of the month. A few phone calls from friends seemed to get him more motivated, but still not an item was packed for the long haul. That will leave Lily in a hard situation, never having to deal with this Henry, the gutted, hallow shell she had never seen before, the one still hurting over this women, sitting in front of her. “I know his life is a lot to get used to, there are months we all just hold our breathe, but when he is with you, there is something different, something I never saw before. I don’t think you understand…”

Aubrey couldn’t take it anymore, letting her resolve fall apart, “I hurt him, I said something I never should have said. He didn’t deserve…..” barely able to breathe, trying to inhale through a tight chest, “I don’t deserve someone like him. He did nothing but want me to be happy, I did nothing but be selfish. All he wanted in return was to be loved, and I cut him off at the first chance things weren’t predictable, I knew he was planning to be away, it wasn’t going to be like before, I threw it away, because that’s all I know how to do….”

Pulling a handkerchief from her pocket, Lily thrusting it into Aubrey’s hand, not expecting so much emotion to be flooding from her, not expecting to be shared details. The puddle Aubrey was, was exactly the same as Henry, he chose stoicism, but still to the same effect, pain, learning to deal with living without something that was life sustaining, both broken, both needing each other.

“I’m going go to out on a limb, I think you could do a lot of good here, may take a baby step to talking again.” Standing to pour the water for Aubrey’s pot, the girl a heap in the seat across from her, looking so small, unlike the women that sent Henry aloof like a school boy, exuding an air of joy. If what Lily did was more than an employee for him, this would be it, to save his heart. “I need to go, he’s getting ready to go north, to start filming for the rest of the spring, I should rephrase that, I have a team getting him ready to leave for the north, he’s been spending time on his computer, hours…days….at least he showered yesterday.” 

A coughing fit caught Aubrey, bringing even more concern to Lily. A body worn out has little will, can be the leaf caught in the breeze, blown out of reach, and gone forever. Aubrey could not be, for Henry’s sake. “Get that cough looked at, it would be horrible to be sick for the spring. Its beautiful in the spring.”

“I will.” Stirring her tea, standing to be a least a bit gracious as a host to guest in her home.

“I’ll see myself out, but please think it over,” pausing at the door, for one last look. She knew Henry could take her away from all of this, working so hard to just get by, losing sight of everything you set out to do to make ends meet. Maybe that was the fault here, fixing everything, so easily done with the means he had. Lily knew Aubrey and her were a lot alike, knowing self-reliance, out of necessity. That is harder to tun off, maybe needing more time to share the burden, something that could be learned. And also something Henry could learn patience for Aubrey’s sake. Closing the door, straighten her jacket, feeling like she did what she could, if that was the nudge that could drift them back together.


	13. Naked Hearts and Fever Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometime 10,000 words comes off your fingers like water.....and like most Jane Austin's, what a good virus without a little fever confession....I had a really bad chest cold/pneumonia right before covid supposedly hit, but acted just like covid, weeks of getting over it, no antibodies...I will never know....anyway......
> 
> Probably the closest to a cop-out chapter, but a set up for the rest, so I can't rewrite (again) without it. If I wrote this in composition books like I used to, Id have 10 filled by now, and most scratched out.
> 
> Enjoy

“I’ll pack up the tower and the monitor, don’t worry about that. Can you get a delivery arranged for Kal’s dry food?”, boxing a few things, for at least 3 months worth of filming. Sorting through favorite work out clothes, lifting belts, and gloves. This time, out in the country side, close to the horse stables, not really looking forward to the quiet. Henry still had barely thought about what he had to do to prepare, not looking at notes and changes to scripts, doing just enough to appease everyone else. He had very few people he could confide in, for this situation, torn between diving back into what wrecked him and Aubrey, what he worked so hard for, when just working was enough. 

“Sure, the rental house is lovelier every time I see it,” Lily trying everything to not bring up the inevitable, a box of Aubrey’s things, mostly dancewear and sweaters, not taking up much room, sitting in the hall, accidentally placed there by other movers, now obviously apparent to Henry. Lily stepped around it, blocking it from view, painfully obvious to Henry she was trying to cover it up.

“You can arrange to have that taken to Chiswick,” gesturing to the box that became the white elephant. 

“Why there?” posturing to make the biggest mistake she could ever make.

“Lily, you know god damm well why?” letting that façade break a bit, trying to keep his cool, but snapping his tongue , immediately wanting to ask for forgiveness.

“She moved out, I thought you already would have known that,” if he was going to bite, she could bite back a bit as well. They have had their disagreements before, never steering him into anything he shouldn’t have had been attached to, and here she was taking liberties, blurring that line between personal and public of which she tried to stay the latter at all times.

Henry demeanor immediately changed, a focus crumpled his brow, far beyond inquisitive, finding her eyes, she knowing much more than he, not sure how much she should let out that she knew about the entire situation. 

“I can have it sent to her new apartment,” immediately interrupted by his large stature.

“Where?” almost a whisper.

“Camden, little hole in the wall place, I know she’s sharing it.”

“I’m not going to ask how you know this, for now, but have you seen her?”

“She was ill, working two jobs, horrible, if you don’t mind me saying. But she was getting checked out, it would be awful to be ill for spring,” letting that hang in the air, watching his demeanor change in front of her, retreating again, his face telling so much that words could never express fully. Picking it up, to do what was needed, to get it out of view. She was actually disappointed this had lingered on until now, hoping one of them would have already taken the plunge. 

“Leave it, Ill deal with that,” disappearing around the corner.

Lily had a million thing still to get prepped, and time, although felt like it was in abundance, was fleeting. She wasn’t sure how to judge this layer, something to build   
time around, or the watch him from a far trade his work for solitude. He returned with his jacket and scarf, and a penetrating look of determination, but that told her at least one thing. They would at least have it out before he would disappear again.

“What’s the address?”

Now feeling a bit guilty, she wrote it down, trying to hide a bit a fear, she had crossed the line a bit, would that effect how he trusted her.

“I can arrange a car…”

“No, I’m going alone” before she could even take another breath he was gone,   
************

A baseball hat to stay anonymous, down streets he had never been, bohemian in feel, younger groups of people with vibrant hair, neon signs glowing in the setting sun, music of all types leaking out onto the street. He felt he stuck out like a sore thumb, too proper in his leather jacket, not enough piercings to fit the rest of the crowd. His jeans were blue, not black and ripped, his face to clean shaven, even after a day of scruff. He was alone without an entourage, easy to weave in and out of these groups blocking corners and alleys. 

Henry had gotten to the address, finding the alley that the building let out upon, taking one last puff, something he hated he was doing more, something he would have to quit completely. He wasn’t even sure which windows were hers, which lights to trust that someone was home. He spontaneity proving a bit drastic, didn’t dare to call her to see if Aubrey would want to speak to him. He thought he figured the best way to be supportive, but he forgot the one most important thing, to simply ask what she wanted, her life at such a cross roads, every conversation seemed more like settling to make everyone else happy, even him. They hadn’t talked about him being away, would she want to go with him, would she keep to Chiswick. He was blamed for tunnel vision before, living deep in a project, not making time for himself, not setting boundaries. A side effect of wanting to please everyone else, but loosing the most important one in the process. Henry never had someone like her, someone he couldn’t think his life would be anything worth existing in without. He thought he knew what love was, and then he met her, her kindness, her humor. She wanted of him, his thoughts, his joy. His house meant nothing without him in it, his hand was her for holding. When she was in pain, he did nothing to help her work through it, but chastise her for it, because it could have been public, for that image that has become a burden. Yet here he was, outside of her door, afraid she would reject him. 

“You sit out here long enough, you might freeze.”

Henry whipped his head around, to see Lexi standing in the door frame, waiting for him to move, so she could get by. 

“Just…..is she home?” standing to still tower over her, even standing on the stoop. 

“Yeah, she off tonight. Apt 5.” Not sure what else to say, maybe wishing to be a fly on the wall for what was about to happen, but needing to be elsewhere for the evening.

“Thanks.” His feet wouldn’t move, he couldn’t hide any of his emotions, sweat started to build, his face taking a sheen. 

“Why don’t I get the door, I think she was asleep anyway. I trust you won’t steal anything, I mean my set of Starbucks mugs are about the only thing of value” making   
light of it, letting someone in any other situation, she would be ready to swing her bag at him to buzz off. Lexi let him enter, after unlocking at least two bolts, but stayed in the hall. “These will lock behind you, so you can just leave when you need, pull it tight until you hear it click.” Pulling the door with her behind it, the small apartment so quiet, only hearing the heels of her shoes trickle out down the hall. 

Surrounded by her new life, very small, almost filling the entire entry and kitchen, immediately taking in the posters of cities Aubrey wanted to visit. Immediately thinking back to all those conversations, he getting lost in her voice, she speaking with an innocence of seeing the world with fresh eyes, wanting to find the joy in it, not letting anyone tilt her vision of how she wanted to see the world. Bits of her were already living in this place, stretch bands and yoga mats under the very small tele, mismatched chairs he wasn’t sure if he should even attempt to sit in. A radiator with a drying rack over with a sweater he loved seeing her in, incidentally one of her favorites, a draft moving curtains, the rattle of the window frames confirming no other reason for the cold. 

A cough from a back room broke him out of curiosities, his feet thrusting him forward to see the source. There she lay on a small bed, two or three blankets deep. I table lamp lighting a corner of the room. I few prescription bottles on the dresser, a half glass of water near those as well, a stack of papers, travel books with folded pages took the rest of the top. There was a chair with clothes layered over top, he cleared those to a gym bag on the floor, pulling the chair and himself closer to the bed. His first sight of her was a bit shocking. Her cheeks sunken, missing that undertone of rosy color, her lips pail, hoping it was the light telling him a lie. Haphazard strands of hair sticking to her sweaty face; she turned with red eyes to him, half awake, not really sure of herself, rambling with a voice scratchy from illness.

“Shhhh, its going to be ok, I’m here now, can I get you anything, soup, more water?” He felt her forehead, alarmingly hot, instinctually pulling the covers back to cool her down. Layered with sweats, and socks, she probably was making herself worse. She started weeping from the change, he took his coat and scarf off, slipped off his shoes, and curled on the bed behind her, rubbing her back. She clamped onto his arm, like her whole existence relied on that moment, to hold onto him. The heat radiating off her body, terrifying to think she was suffering alone. “Your fever is a bit high, you need to take some layers off, then we can put back a blanket. What did the doctor say, what were you given?”

“No no no no, I’m so cold,…please don’t, I'm so cold…. You’re not real, I know your not real, because I hurt the real Henry. I didn’t mean too, I didn’t know how to say….”choking on tears, her body wracking through another fit. “I will never forgive myself for the look on his face, that’s why you can’t be real. He deserves more than me…”

“Quiet down, we can talk tomorrow. You need to get better. Just rest, relax, I will be here,” she still clamped onto his arm, rocking herself, breathing very labored, but soon enough she calmed down enough to sleep. He had unzipped her sweatshirt, feeling the heat escape, even more worried than before, pulling at least one sleeve off, not sure what else he could do for her. He would just have to wait it out and hope. Two hours pass, and barely a twitch he didn’t notice, a few texts ignored on his phone, but enough to check the time to see how much had elapsed. He was scared, she so sick and not knowing what would be best. She began whispering again, calmer, her eyes still closed. 

“Henry, can we go to Paris in the spring, when the blossoms are out, when the lavender first blooms in the countryside. It would be so beautiful then. Maybe Italy to, I know you love Italy, skip the touristy stuff, you can see the coast again, and show me that little town you talk about so much…..” 

“That would be lovely, before it gets hot in the summer,” knowing she wasn’t really awake, brushing her hair off her sweaty forehead, still burning, he put his hand over her heart, feeling it race. 

“The ocean would be beautiful, the water looked so blue in your pictures, you can take me out on your friends boat, I know you like sailing and have been missing getting out with them,” a smile kept across her cracking lips, calm drifting over her face, turning quickly to anguish, her brow creasing, her hands gripping her pillow, shaking as she tried to speak through tears. “It won’t happen, I messed it up, I did everything wrong, love him so much still, I needed to be better, I ran, because that’s all I know…”gasping for air, coughing so hard “It’s all my fault, It’s my-“

“Baby, just breathe,” wrapping her up in his arms, sitting her up a bit, thinking a home visit my have to be in order. “Its not your fault, its not your fault….” wishing she was back at his home, where she could be safe again. “I didn’t see your pain, I didn’t see something wonderful for you ending, how much that hurt you, I was wrapped up in myself, I’m so sorry,” feeling her embrace him like she used to, “I never stopped….I never stopped loving you,” her settling into his body, stroking her hair. “ I should have understood, I shouldn’t have let you crumble. I don’t want to watch you walk away, ever again. Can you promise me that, Aubrey, I need you, I’ve never needed anyone,” scared that he hurt her, scared she wouldn’t trust him. Tears running down his face, knowing this was one of those moments of clarity, that he may have said things and made promises having consequence of not actually doing them, compromising her for everyone else. He had found what his mother warned him about, the one things that you never knew you needed, now trying to hold onto her with every last fiber of his being. But here Aubrey was, wrapped in his arms, he not wanting to leave her side. Henry felt calmer as her breath became even in rhythm, she settled into him as she used to, finding it harder to keep his eyes open, in her tiny bed, for now. Pulling playlist of slow songs she loved to slow dance to, Henry was finally able to rest, drifting into a peaceful slumber.  
****************

The one thing about a window that faces east, the morning sun will be either a blessing or a curse, and for Henry, definitely the latter. He neck was the first to protest moving, and then his back also decided his sleeping position was not ideal. Looking down, Aubrey still nested, sleeping well, a bit cooler to the touch, a reprieve from the worry she had him in the night prior. He had to move, he didn’t want to, morning needs were very apparent. He wasn’t sure if Lexi came back during the evening, not knowing what lay out in the common area. The place quiet, only the road noise from the street hitting the few stories up, there wasn’t anything he had to worry about. I quick trip to the head, then to the kitchen to prep whatever he could find, coffee for him if she had it, tea for her, most definitely.   
“We only have a french press, if you are looking for coffee. I can run around the corner if you would like.” Lexi, already dressed, tights, dance shorts and a tshirt, still in her slippers against the cold floor, dropping her gym bag to the floor, grabbing leg warmers off the rack above the radiator. “I was going anyway, on the way to class, I know you had a rough night,” changing to boots, grabbing her coat. 

“That would be great, anything black, Im going to make her some lemon tea, see if that helps,”, grabbing his wallet for money. 

“Don’t worry, I got it, really, just take care of her.” With a quick wink, she was out the door before he could protest. 

He was waiting for the tea to steep, while grabbing his phone, somethings he had to finish before figuring out how today was going to play out, hoping she would want to return home with him. He didn’t even look at how many he had, just to Lily, that he would hopefully be back this afternoon, with Aubrey, that should be enough to not pester further, and go on with what had to be tended to for the time being. And then a simple text to his manager, he will call her tomorrow, he had to run a few things by her. And then the day could be all about Aubrey, and nothing else. 

Back in the room to read the discharge sheets, paragraphs of warning before getting into anything useful; she had pneumonia, two different antibiotics, something other pill to help with a cough, and an inhaler. He didn’t see the inhaler, but found everything else, the instructions of what to take when, figuring its morning, she should be due for at least one of them. He didn’t want to wake her, such a tough night, but getting fluids into was also par for the course. Her lips chapped and peeling, the fact she wasn’t sweating, Henry knew those were warning signs of dehydration.

“Aubrey, you need to wake up,” feeling her face again, still pail, feeling panic set in as she didn’t even flinch. “Aubrey,” finally hearing a bit of moan , her eyes closing harder at the light, “there we go, you need to drink something for me, just a little bit of water, for now.” Her arms failing her, he helped her sit up, still not registering what was going on. He held the glass for her to take, shaking, she used both. “When did you take your last…..anything for that matter, there is so much here.” Sitting on her own, her eyes closed, the glass nearly falling out of her hands, grabbed it before making a mess, letting her lean on him, propping pillows behind her to stay upright. Lowering her back, she looked miserable, in need of bath, which he figured would help the fever as well.

Aubrey’s eyes drifted again, she now trying to keep them open, the realization he was there, in her room, in Camden. Henry was very real, and not a figment of her imagination, a fever dream, her subconscious latching on to anything that would settle her soul. Her heart felt like it would explode out of her chest, adrenalin pumping through her overly taxed veins, afraid to close her eyes because he would disappear, afraid to test the waters of reality, colors vibrant again in the warm sun, expecting to blink and the real world would be grey, cold and alone. She had no energy to do anything but watch him, read over papers from the doctor’s, google something on his phone, his eye wrinkle and concern settle into his face, but still be a presence in her room. He left briefly, to return with toast and tea, finally making eye contact, still her brain sludgy with her surroundings. He smiled when their eyes met, like he used to, eager to be by her side, now nothing seemed different. 

“If I have this right, you should have something on your stomach when taking these two, and we will wait for a hour then take a couple hedex for fever. So, toast and tea first, and we will take it from there.” 

“Why are you here?...I thought,…I’m so sorry..” crying again, for no good reason, the only thing her body seemed to allow her to do, but there weren’t any tears left, her throat now so raw her voice could only crack, she started shaking from feeling cold.

“Aubrey, look at me,” centering her shoulders to regard only him, “you need to relax, I’m not going anywhere, you need to do your part to get better, and I’m going to do mine. Would you feel better at home, we can go home, I can get Lily to take care of everything, Kal would probably smother you the minute you walk in the door.”  
Watching his lips move, feeling words float over her like a warm balm, letting go of regret and anguish, letting Henry in, to care, to love her, just as the mess she was at the moment. He kept talking to her, unable to process anything he was saying, but he was there. A cool clothe across her face and arms, sweaty clothes removed, being helped into others, smothered in a coat to large and smelling so much like him, lifted and carried to a car, he never letting go of her once, until back in his bed. Her ear to his chest, the rhythm of his beating heart her constant companion, centering everything in her being. He would do everything she needed, succumbing to this realization, grabbing his hand with what strength she had left, before drifting off again, spending what energy she had left to smile. Whatever came next, it was going to be ok. She had Henry with her, and that was going to be enough.


	14. Building Blocks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a frame work chapter, more in her mind, finding balance. I promised cake and testosterone, and its coming...

One week, barely moving out of bed. She would close her eyes and open them again, what felt like seconds later, she somehow would lose a day. Hearing people speak over her, voices she never heard before, bits of sentences not even comprehensible. But one morning, sitting up, the worst felt over, breathing wasn’t so taxing, and actually making it down the stairs for a change of scenery, didn’t take a days energy. And yes, Kal pretty much was her guard, sitting with her, laying on her, napping with her. Henry spent most if it, attached to her side, until she forced him to keep up with obligations. He kept Annie in the loop until she was stronger to talk to her herself. 

The mews was humming with activity, something that seemed out of the ordinary. His prepping assistants setting up hair and makeup tests, Lily making the spare room a working office, just so Henry could stay within running distance to Aubrey. Those harder conversations he held off of having, the true nature getting ready to film, the long days, script changes and memorizing lines until his eye couldn’t focus. Relying on his support team to manage every aspect, awake before sunrise, the days hours sped by, darkness falling before even realizing, no energy to much of anything else by the time a few days were lumped together. Henry worried about set backs, her illness taking so much out of her, trying to balance everything to not leave her abandoned. She wasn’t a complication to an already full schedule, she was the center focus to move everything around, until she was well enough to join him.

“I have no doubt being closer to the barns and the studio would be better for everything that is going on here, since they have rented something that I’ve heard to be beautiful, and I know you need more time with Zeus. I think I’m well enough to be here on my own for a bit. You don’t have to put your integrity on the line because of me.”

“First, when the Doctor says you can add more things, I idea of you being alone wont bother me so much.”

“I have to call Maeve and apologize, I haven’t even been in contact with her, I feel so bad. I know working right now would be foolish, but at least she would know   
what was going on.”

“Lily took care of that, she was very understanding, and wished you well. We should talk about that, if you don’t mind. In light of everything, you don’t have to continue working, I know being able to be self sufficient, I don’t want to diminish anything you are working towards, but you don’t have to go back,” hoping that he didn’t have to state it, he would take care of everything, he wanted to, he would have been glad to do it.

“I completely forgot, I have to give Lexi my share, its due, and it not fair to her to be late with it.”

“Already handled.”

“How,…actually, I don’t want to know.”

“She will be fine for a while, don’t worry, you still have so much to heal from. Take the spring to let it al settle. In all honesty, right now, how do you feel?” Looking at her, missing the glow she carried before, her hands looking frail, how her clothes hung off her frame. Dark circles still painted deeply under her eyes, and still only the middle of the morning. 

“Tired and sick of sleeping at the same time. I was thinking about knitting again, just so I can accomplish something with my hands.”

“You knit?” shockingly quizzical, for a hobby Aubrey hadn’t ever mentioned. 

“Stories from the road, remember it can be very boring on a bus with the cast and musicians, we taught each other stuff just to break up the day.”

“I know you are frustrated, and soon you should start feeling like yourself,” after looking at her get small again, shifting in her chair, biting her nails, maybe a tad angry at him for reminding her of boundaries. “You do bring up a good point, when I do go, and you can join me, it will be a much different day, being fully healthy would be so much better. Would having someone else here, for my own sanity, would that be helpful, for the time being?”

“I don’t know, the idea of you having to effect everything for the shoot, just because of me is overwhelming actually, I can’t think too far beyond that.”

“Then don’t. If this an office job, or anything else, I would be taking personal time to help you, so think of it that way. Nothing is off schedule. I will get up there soon enough.” Leaning over to wrap his arms around her in the dining chair she barely took up the full seat. She gave him a peck and his cheek met hers. Her hands felt weak in his, she still a little warm for being supposedly on the mend. “I do need to hit the gym, want me to help you somewhere? ,upstairs, the living room?”

“I’m fine, you go, get some fresh air, I might take to the sofa for some reading,” trying to smile for him. She still looked frustrated, but who wouldn’t be.   
Henry couldn’t even fathom how far she had come, she took a turn for the worse once she was home. For maybe a few hours fearful for something tragic, decisions made above her, a simple home visit turning into 3 or 4 surrounding the bed, strangers in his room, IV’s, vibration vests, timed breathing treatments, 48 hours he just doesn’t remember living through, but fearing through, doing everything they could to keep her out of the hospital. Now, sitting in his kitchen, still being his worry wort, thinking of others before herself, putting him before her needs. He didn’t let that thought go, his heart sank a little, wanting to only be for her and nothing else, both worlds colliding, finally having to define what his needs were over the want of the profession. 

“Tonight, we can plan everything, so you can stop worrying, now go, Geralt can’t swing swords with flabby arms, unless they are those little drink swords…those little ones for olives, or cherries…” giggling for the first time in what felt like years, staring deeply into him, little devilish smile.

“There’s my girl,” hard to tear away now, seeing bits of Aubrey peek out behind the exhaustion, still pulling her of energy, the sassy side that would twist him for a loop, to laugh out loud. “Only for you, and the little cocktail sword,” hearing more laughter, warming deep in his core. It was a month, the longest month he ever had to endure, from that faithful night to finding her, and now; a simple morning with coffee and conversation, a quite house. He forgot what it was like, having to fight himself to earn it back, to be graced with her gift, to be a part of her life.

***************************************

Despite early in the spring it was, the sun rose with anticipation of a full day, lying to any observer of how warm it could be, hearing the horses galloping freely in the field through the bedroom window; swallows speeding by, a reminder to her how close they were to the coast. Their bed, keeping her entangled in its sheets, harder to move out of its grip. Henry already long gone, she felt him leave before the sun rose, brushing her hair out of her face, his lips against her forehead, in the dark. They just had three days together, uninterrupted by anything, even clothing for this break. His hair line sore from tape, she careful around all the bruises, her thumb outlining more muscle then she could have ever imagined. They were both hungry for each other, Henry was so gentle, still thinking she could break. But she shown him other wise, maybe not as strong, but working her way back, knowing how to press all the right buttons. She could drink all of him in, his rhythm matching hers, wanting his touch when her body was so sensitive, his hands finding every curve, lifting her like nothing, penetrating her slow, feeling every quiver against him, her drip such sweetness. They somehow missed a few meals, she wanting to cook for him, something she enjoyed, but that could wait for another time. The calendar marked out, highlighting every day off he would not budge, saving a few training days, either fighting or on a horse. 

It was the little things Henry noticed, that she was grateful, a barre added to the workout room, with yoga blocks and bands in a cubby that no one else would have ever though to stock. A box with a bow containing the most beautiful riding boots arriving out of the blue. A stable mate horse, good for trail riding, became her refuge, trying to be helpful in some capacity, especially when the others were pulled for filming, Gypsy was left behind, very much like Aubrey. For all the chaos that surrounded Henry, the quiet with Gypsy was so welcomed, sometimes just brushing her, braiding her mane, something years of ballet let her fingers do naturally, not daring to ride her just yet alone. The stable manager, Colin, seemed to enjoy conversation, more than just tolerating her presence, usually his Irish accent so thick she spent more time trying to understand what he was saying, considering she was so far out of her element. The grey and white horse, not as elegant as the others, would recognize her from the rail, slowly approach, bow to sniff her pockets for treats she usually snuck out of the main house. Something about her eyes told Aubrey everything, serenity and stability, it drew her out most mornings, a wordless friendship growing as everyday stretched. 

Time, something Aubrey had, that she wasn’t used to, to be with only herself. The large house, oddly quiet, coastal winds creaking windows, stillness irksome without chores or mindless filler. A drive to town, visiting his trailer on lighter filming days, nothing of substance that would feel like an accomplishment. It was truly everything Henry feared for her, boredom, an idle mind, feeling of no other purpose but his own selfishness for her to be accessible to him.

Her reprieve being the country side steeped with tranquility, pastures of sheep and long haired cows, walls of rocks dividing pastures, fog that settles to crystal droplets shaking off the long bent grass. The cindered road ending at a ledge, over looking the sea, every mothers worst nightmare of a cliff, but the haunting echoes of waves removed any hesitation in her curiosity. A tree, broken and bent, knobbed, bark curling, crooked and beaten by a hundred years time, hung over the cliff, its roots anchored in the wall, stubborn and unwavering to question its own existence, hundreds of years, affixing this spot against all storms. This day feeling unlike others, sitting in a crook, feet dangling off the edge, fear of falling hadn’t crossed her mind. Some would call it mediation, finding transcendence, but here Aubrey was clearing her head that best way she knew how. Focusing on little things; first the waves below, finding a tempo, thinking Reverie would be perfect for this day, then the gulls squawking in layers and different voices, echoing against the walls. Straightening her back, slowly inhaling, feeling the cool air prickle still sore lungs, exhaling with purpose, finding her center. She had to let go of anguish, questioning her own reasons to be loved, accepting herself as she was right now. She had to forgive herself for being afraid of what Henry would think of her, disappointing him for what ever reason. She needed to find her own words, however they came, taking the moment to say what needed to said, that she didn’t always have to agree with him. She didn’t need to fear his reaction, there wouldn’t be a consequence from asking to be heard, needing to find within herself more; confidence, steadiness, stating what she needed, not asking for it. Aubrey wanted to be fair to Henry, wanting to move on from that horrible night, knowing she hurt him, she made him choose between her and what he loved doing; she was afraid of the future and nothing else.

Even more so, she knew she had to forgive Mikka, to move on, not to just bury all the fear and anger. She was told once, she was so strong to endure, to save herself by running. But internally, she felt like a coward for letting it happen, being swooned, falling in love with an idea, doing everything to be someone else’s perfect, letting him break her. She thought she was smarter than that, that she should have seen the signs, that she wasn’t a stupid girl chasing after all the wrong things. Running did nothing but allow him to keep the cycle going to someone else, not strong enough to stop him, adding that layer of guilt to her healing process. Her biggest fear, someone else was suffering like she had; hoping rumors would catch up to him, word of mouth would reveal his true character. No one else deserved that life.

It felt so long ago, still effecting her choices, boxing it up for a while, letting it be a shadow darkening the brightest day. But that wasn’t good enough, keeping it a part of her would never let her feel safe, still giving Mikka a bit of control of her happiness. Just thinking about him made her tense, lose her focus, feeling her fingers grip into bark. Aubrey found something amazing with Henry, she felt home, wanting to see the world, felt free to fly, safe to land, to have his hand. Henry saw her scars, embraced her like no other. Thinking about him calmed her nerves, the tone of his voice, her fingers through his hair, his laugh, feeling his eyes drift over her body, that was everything. Letting go of the black balloon, its thread so thin, let it slip away, far from her, to never shadow her life again. She was done living as a victim, a survivor, she was going to live purely as Aubrey, starting fresh with everything in front of her for the taking. 

Feeling wetness hit her face, awareness returning, still sitting precariously on the defiant tree over the cliff, waves now churning with reckless abandonment below. Her body chilled but resolute, walking in the cold rain, knowing exactly what she wanted, knowing exactly how to get it.


	15. The Mundane Everyday in Extraordinary Circumstances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This feels like filling in blank pages usually reserved for the phrase "Time Passes". FInding balance with such crazy circumstances, two very separate lives doing everything they can to keep a spark lit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for waiting. Life, got in the way. Stay safe everyone.

_Stayed focused, just two more chapters_ ……trying to not be distracted by the horses galloping outside, the summer bringing a heat wave even still nearly unbearable in the country. Closing the window would do nothing but make the room stifling, keeping it open would be the end to any headway of chipping out chapters for anatomy, finishing her outlines of a paper, an imaginary timeline she put on herself, adding stressors for no reason. Henry was working on jumping, with Hector, the heat making him remove his shirt, down to his vest, causing Aubrey’s quest to rid herself of distraction unobtainable. Maybe tomorrow would bring rain, maybe tomorrow she would finish those chapters.

She rolled her desk chair to the deep sill, resting on her arm, loosing herself to watching him move. His hair longer, curls bouncing with gait of Hector, the sun reddening his skin on his shoulders. Sweat had darkened the back of his vest, in perfect symmetry, she now knowing the scientific names of the muscle groups responsible, she still dripped in the beauty of his form. She wasn’t sure how long she lost herself, but her brain caught up to a missing Henry and horse’s whereabouts, until finding him walking toward her window. Her face immediately red and hot, embarrassed at the thought of her being caught staring.

“Are you my Juliet? Waiting by the window…..Jasmine maybe….?”watching her face fall out of her lost in thought gaze, laughing a bit at how cute she was when she got flustered.

“Hopefully not Rapunzel, imagine the weight of all that hair? And wasn’t it at night?”, leaning further, letting her hair catch the breeze slug over her shoulder.

“As glorious to this night, being o’er my head as is a winged messenger of heaven….” _you are so beautiful to me…..why am I so lucky_ …

“Italian does sound scrumptious for dinner tonight, these books are making me batty.”

“Lady, by yonder blessed moon I swear….”

“You remember how it ends…to 13 year olds dying for each other,” leaning further, feeling a bit risqué with her low cut white tank top and cut offs, but not hiding anything for Henry.

“I know, but the way they profess their love……needs a bottle of wine to take the edge off…”

“Not until you rehydrate….get out of the sun, you’re burning!” wincing at how painful that will be tomorrow, wondering how he forgot what to sun does to his pale skin.

“Will my Juliet shower with me, even though the moon is not lighting the silver all these fruit- tree tops…”

“Henry!! People will hear you…Lily is still here.”

“Oh, well then, I may need assistance, my fair lady,”

“Just get in here…”laughing softly at his befuddlement, but hearing his feet fly him up the staircase, she meeting in the hall, to their private room.

“Did you get what you needed finished?” hoping he did little to distract her. The lockdown was good for so little, except for goals like Aubrey’s, he wasn’t going to let anything interfere.

“Almost, neck and shoulders, nearly memorized; the feet, I need a whole week for the ankles and feet alone.”

“You know I’m proud of you, seeing this through. I can’t say it enough, I know I couldn’t get back into learning like that and be successful at it.”

“I just hope I can pass this part, all the muscle groups specific names, so many Latin and Greek roots overlapping, then the bones, so much to remember.”

“And to think the language of dance is mostly French, now Latin and Greek, you will get to add polyglot to your resume.”

“Maybe so,” watching him loosen the waist on his riding trousers, maybe her favorite part of the day, guilty of such a pleasure afforded to her, but living as a couple had its privileges.

“Gypsy said she wants to go for a moonlit walk tonight, on the beach, Hector also, I think it would be perfect, since it is a full moon, and it is so hot during the day. I would hate to deprive them of such a wonderful idea.”

“They did? Full sentences?” stepping in to the wall of cooler water, feeling so refreshed, florals immediately filling her nose, her hands touching his hot skin, hoping the cool water would help his burn.

“Well, nearly, left to some interpretation, but wouldn’t it be perfect tonight?”

“Could we have a small fire?” letting her mind wander a bit the privacy of the small beach, thinking such thoughts that her toes curled, the waves hitting both of them, the salt in her mouth, the power of him stronger than even the ocean.

“I don’t see why not. Would you feel comfortable enough on Gypsy?”, catching her lost in thought again, knowing she’s lost in her head, when her eyes drift, but her mouth almost smiling, she must have lost herself somewhere amazing.

“Oh…..”pulling herself back into the conversation, “we’ve been together a lot, she’s been my mental break after exams. Even taking them on-line feels just as stressful as a lecture hall. When this shut down is over, and we have to be back to London, I will miss her greatly.”

“I will miss Hector, Zeus being gone now, it will be hard to say goodbye.”

“How did we end up here, for me, a bit of paradise, the stables, the ocean so close by, you to myself, or mostly to myself….it doesn’t seem fair, with everything going on, we get to stay here and live like…..well, I don’t know, it’s too perfect, I want to enjoy it, and that seems so…..”

“Aubrey, you have been through hell this year already, and I am grateful we are together, we are given this as time. We get to just be here, present in now, the real world will seep in, it always does. I have stopped watching the news, only for this week, it hurts to much. I know you can’t stop feeling, I can’t either, and that’s ok.”

“There was a time, I did everything I could to disappear, to make myself small, to hide and not be seen, if I was alone, through this time, I would have seen it as heaven, closed off to the world. I’m so glad now, to be out in it. Irony is, the rest of the world is closed.” Almost laughing at herself.

Henry knew sometimes the biggest confessions came at odd times, when the soul lets go of a secret, its because everything in her mind was safe to be honest. He knew exactly what she felt, begging for privacy, and when finally getting it, its deafeningly quiet. His voice could go unused for days, if it weren’t for Kal. Calendar pages could turn, it would go unnoticed. Wanting to hide away from the world, then actually getting what he thought he wanted; the difference between solitude and being alone.

“I miss being able to see Annie, no matter how much we got on each others nerves, not being able to hug her, or even the option to swing by and just visit, that’s what I think hurts more.” Aubrey watched his face change, the layers she knows he’s thinking, his chin dropped down, water running down his chest even faster, him inhaling deeply, guilt changing his entire mood. “Don’t feel guilty Henry, I knew the rules when I came here, you follow them, and I choose to be here, and follow them with you. I know it’s not safe, I knew weekends back to Chiswick were out of the question. You have 400 people to think about, every single day. That would make me too terrified to leave. I wouldn’t do anything to put you or anyone at risk. I know you miss seeing your family too. It’s selfish of me, to complain all the time. I am grateful for everyday we have here.”

“It’s not selfish, it just takes a lot to get used to.”

“Yes it does, as does that sunburn of yours. I have aloe for after, you are going to need it.”

“The ocean water….tonight…..”

“Maybe,” thinking about what she could wear to make it so hard to keeps his hands off of her, but just the same tank top and a pair of cut off jeans, the idea of riding Gypsy bareback, he hair down, and wild, the tips wet from the water, alone with Henry watching the sun being swallowed up by the sea, she almost forgot how the breathe.

”Where did you go?” her eyes snapping back up to his, “just now,” watching her cheeks redden, but settling into his chest, arms wrapping around his frame, relaxing in the drenching water, feeling none of the weight of the world in chaos right outside their door. “I was with you, we were alone. We still had clothes on, surprisingly enough. But it was beautiful.”

“And that’s all it has to be,” kissing her forehead, grateful she chose to stay with him, above all else.

*********************************************

_Turn, lunge, stab, grip,jump, slide, figure 8, right hook._

“Ok, that was good, one more for luck, starting marks…”

Instinctively scrapping caked mud off his boots, the rain making his clothes sopping wet, a finer wetness than the rain curtain, water proof make up feeling like a mask of tight skin over his taped forehead. A slight chill settling into his bones after almost boiling from the last fight run, one last reset for today then home, well 2hours of un doing then home.

 _Turn, lunge, stab, grip, jump, slide, figure 8, right hook_ , a bobble in footing, another character sliding farther in the sludge, almost creating a mishap, his knuckle taking most of the blunt force of the rubber stunt blades, splitting the skin right over bone, feeling his eye crease to mask the shock. A sudden stillness, a handful of bodies, lain, draped in piles, a slight hesitation of worry that would never completely go away, what could have happened and didn’t, who stayed in character regardless of what was really happening, what was real blood, what was fake.

“OK, perfect, thanks everyone.” The voice coming from behind the camera under a tent, a wall of monitors, seeing only outlines of dark figures, lights sodden with droplets of accumulating rain, dripping diamonds, making identifying anyone in the darkness useless, an assistant draping him with a coat, already damp, trapping the cold. He stayed staring until everyone stood up, a few cracks of laughter, towels handed out to clean faces; everyone made it unscathed, everyone can go home.

“Wow, you are wearing half the mud in the set today, costumes are going to love it…oh for the love of god…you’re bleeding,” annoyance in her voice, but more or less expected from a shooting day like this one. Just as much as he trusted her candor, his memory what her face looked like without the mask started waning, a rush of days, playing catch up, starting to forget how many stretched together.

“Its fine, barely a scratch,” pulling his mask over his face for how close contact everyone had to be.

“In this day in age….I’ll send someone over to tape that up, your afternoon snacks are at hair and makeup, should I hose you off before going in?”

“Very funny, I’ll be quick about it.”

“Long day?”

“It was a good day, just tiring.”

“Well, at least you get to be warm. Everything is getting moved tonight for a shift to the west lakes, don’t leave anything personal that may get tossed in the move.”

“Will do, thanks,” finding himself at the trailer he spent most his time, even more than his own Jacquie and Ailbhe had ready the table to pull the wig, the idea of sitting was fine, the idea he would have to get up later, maybe not so eager.

“You better not think you are stepping foot in here with those boots still on?” Jacquie, whom he had know now for years, her scolding wasn’t unwarranted, knowing she was right, forgetting to think before walking in, heading to the other door, where the others had prepped for such and occasion.

Back in his trackies and vest, waiting for the warmth of the cranked heaters to hit his still chilled skin, hoping they could get his wig off only to put his sweatshirt on, feel the early Oct temperatures hit a bit harder than expected. Their conversation above him, weekend plans with their immediate families, closing gardens for the season, while he caught up to his phone, checking texts and emails, but not really much for conversation. Lily would have his schedule for tomorrow, the second weekly COVID test, still nerve-racking for results, not thinking he would have reason for that, but even after so many, one could derail the entire production.

“Quiet today Henry?” Ailbhe noticing a change in his demeanor, but everyone was a bit tired, making up for lost time.

“Very full tomorrow, I’m still waiting for final scripts, hopefully soon, so I can get home.”

“Somebody to run home to, that’s wonderful for you, although I do miss Kal, he would have been a great foot warmer today.”

“I can bring him by, Aubrey studying anyway, she has an exam Friday I believe, having the house quiet probably would be a good idea. Kal gets confused when I leave him home.”

“Please do, I miss the bear, for as much as I don’t let the boys have pets, I might be losing that battle soon, and Ill have Kal to thank for it,” looking through reading glasses, gliding gloved fingers through seems, sweaty dark curls popping through were tape was released, “so sorry, don’t move, Ill try to keep that from sticking..”

“It’s ok Ailbhe,”

“These gloves, make it that much harder ….what’s Aubrey studying?”

“Passing for finals for her teaching certification, for ballet. She finished her performance degree years ago, but never got the endorsement after, went on tour and never had time. So much now on health and wellness, anatomy, she was writing a paper on child psychology last week.”

“That should have played well last year,” under Jacquie’s breath “oh, gosh, where are my manners.”

“What?”

“Nothing, it just seems everyone is such a rush to grow up, forgetting to enjoy being young, that’s all” and for what everything Henry knew of Jacquie, her words were always filled with truth, and may have been worth spilling.

“Anything special this weekend?” changing the subject, Ailbhe figuring to save Jacquie from the rabbit hole of a topic she might be slipping. But she knew what she was thinking, and some things left little to the imagination.

“Not specifically, since I’m going to be gone for the week, with the shift, just making sure I’m set to go, Aubrey’s coming up Wednesday. She’s excited to visit a wool shop that dyes and looms its own wool. She wants to knit something for her sister.”

“Fancy that, sounds wonderful,” Jacquie couldn’t help but be happy for him, finding joy in the simple pleasures.

“She is,” stuck in thought with a slight smile on his face.

A knock at the door brought him back to reality, and producing what he was waiting for, the targets for the next day, scripts and all. Henry could simply go home. But little did he know, even after everything came off, a quick shower to at least feel human, a few meetings which should have taken minutes, took most of the afternoon, finally exiting to a waiting car in the dark. Pulling up the long drive, the house was lit, Kal met him at the side door. Guilt of hoping to himself today would have been a bit more time at home, with Aubrey before leaving her alone again, in a house that wasn’t theirs. The most wonderful savory smell of a dinner Aubrey must have slaved over, filled his nose, hitting the pit of his empty stomach, churning with hunger at the thought of what was so delicious. The dining room was glowing, lights flickering from what he found were candles, mostly burnt to their wicks end, a beautiful table set for 2, lids covering dishes, the tell tale sign he was late for a bit of a surprise. Aubrey was still nowhere to be found.

“Where’s Aubrey, Kal? What did I forget, and what am I in the dog house for….?”Kal sat in perfect pose, staring without any answers, just his trusty presence, with no help to the situation. “Let’s go find her,” leading away the dining room, to other areas still dark without use. The house that suddenly felt to large, chambers and anti rooms with no purpose for them, but for others working for him; times like this, ghostly without occupancy. But he search found her in her favorite private spot to work, to write, and this window bench, a blanket wrapped around her small frame, the lights glowing softy, a book opened and laying across her chest. Kal ran to nudge her awake, before Henry could stop him.

“You’re finally home, I’m sorry I must have fallen asleep. What time is it?”

“Later than I wanted. Dinner looks wonderful, I’m so sorry I wasn’t home earlier, I know I mentioned I could be home sooner today than usual.”

“It ok, I got a little excited for actually sitting together. I think of all things, isn’t that the one thing we seem to never be able to do?” laughing at the predicament.

“Still, I wished I was home like I promised.”

“It’s ok, I got a lot of work done for Friday. Are you even hungry right now, I can pack up everything, you take a hot bath, that may be the best thing,” feeling the cold stuck in his hands, watching new bruises starting to take shape on his knuckles.

“I saw dessert, which means it was special tonight..”

“Healthy dessert, poached pear and apple compote, served hot with a hot white cheddar cream sauce, a shortbread wedge for dipping, because we need to live a little. Should still be warm..”

“My brain is to full, I keep feeling like I’m forgetting something?”

“We met one year ago today, because girls do that sometimes, make anniversaries out of senseless mundane trivial calendar blocks,” watching his face fall, closing tired eyes, resting his head on hers, his hands on her shoulders, the weight of the day already wearing his body down.

“Its nothing to be broken up about, I should have saved it for the weekend, I know you have no control over your schedule, not the extra that comes to everyone seeing you as available..”

“No, no…no…you are apologizing, and I should be graveling for forgiveness. Hell..I should be…I should be..”

“Taking a bath, getting warm, I’ll build a fire in the solarium fireplace, we can have dessert, and get you settle for tomorrow. We can save the wine for weekend. I’ve got this, you are home, and that is enough, and that’s all it has to be.”


	16. Living in a Divide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The life Henry is used to, now creeping into Aubrey's everyday happenings.

“You know, I don’t like you still have no understanding, living together, blaming COVID…”

“There’s the Annie I was expecting. We are supporting each other, its just timing we aren’t in London.”

“We….I’m assuming one of these days you going to call me with news of another sort, you are being careful.?”

“Oh my God, Annie...”

“You are the youngest, and I don’t think Tommy or Brandon are having anymore, both of mine are almost out of the house….”

“Wow, please tell me you have something else to bring up.”

“Not really, this is a bit fun, I’m already half way through a bottle, my heads a bit…..”

“What are we doing for Christmas, a family Zoom? I know it won’t be the same, but at least we can all make something the same, a dessert, or something and just be all on at the same time. Maybe you can visit Tom’s with his family since you are both small enough in one house. Brandon and I can zip on for a bit.”

“I never thought it would last so long. Toby has another girlfriend and the only good thing I can say is they can’t actually be in the same room together, she’s very wordy, like expressing her opinions sometimes, and he doesn’t have his headphones on all the time, I can hear her all the way down stairs. I feel so bad for Ryan, his internship cancelled, but he’s looking for work, so hard to find a job, his first job, before starting uni…….”

“They will bounce back, I know it. It may take a bit….”

“He said something that scares me, he may skip uni all together, work as a smith, in an auto shop, he love bikes and wants to fix them up. He’s thinking with his 18 year old head, not the smart one under his beanie, god he needs a hair cut”

“How are you?” concerned for her sister, seeing the most grey poking out from uncolored roots that she has ever seen, worn out eyes, something lost, even through the computer screen.

“Working from home, isn’t all that bad, my joggers are so comfy. But I miss the office, and at the same time, I like being home with the boys during all this. Dinner together, I didn’t know I missed it so much.” A pause, something Aubrey knew Annie drifted elsewhere for a bit, letting her have her thought she was keeping to herself. “What about you, his schedule keeping you home alone for hours on end?”

Aubrey knew from the outside looking in, it would look like bouts of loneliness, she wasn’t completely in the wrong, “I finished at the book work for my cert. Now is just the actual evaluation of a class, in person. Those are suspended until further notice. So, no news right now, but Lanea’s letting me have her students and studio when I can. Hopefully spring.”

“Please say thank you, from Ryan, I know Henry didn’t have to do that, stay online with him for as long as he did, in that game…Ryan was over the moon playing against him. He promised not to tell his handle to any of his friends.”

“He was happy to do it,” thinking how separate he still was from her family, how little they knew of him, even after all this time. Like a ghost that keeps her away.  
************************************************************

What a simple afternoon together, fulfilling what was once a wish, a simple Saturday, doing things couples did, finding used book shops, a hidden tea shop wafting of secret recipes of pastries. Walking brick pavements through small town life. It wasn’t her wish, but his, wishing he saw more smiles out of his parents together, maybe not staying in the boundaries of being proper, laughing a bit to loud over a pint at a pub, holding hands, stealing kisses without a care, as young couples do.  
Henry couldn't help but notice her glance at a bracelet in the window, a bangle of silver, Connemara marble inlaid under knots and weaves. He kept it to himself, her fingers touching the glass of the window, captivated in its unpretentious beauty. Her cheeks reddened at finally noticing Henry watch her, he seeing the summer still kissing her face, lighting freckles drawing him even more to her bright grey eyes. 

A nagging feeling of doubt, this wasn’t how his life was supposed to play, Aubrey having never living the ugly side of fame. Flash bulbs, intruding cameras, time just like today interrupted by requests for pictures and signatures, jumping from cars to doors shielded by walls of faceless guards. Spending endless hours planning manicured conversations, keeping eyes on ratings, keeping his name out in the media, but not for the wrong reasons. And when things would go quiet, that just as damaging as rumor mills churning out misinformation, spreading like wild fire. Whatever he did, someone out there in the intangible void out of his control, had some opinion screaming to be heard, true or not. No matter the situation, cameras were everywhere, smiles painted on faces; that’s all he dared to let people see, that’s all the world needed to see of him.

They hadn’t had moment publicly stating anything, not been seen at an opening, having her name typed below a picture on a magazine, on a web page. The ridicule that follows, people prying for any information, what she did or more of what she didn’t, how far back they can find, then the printed attacks, some lonely person at a keyboard damming a bad camera angle, taking innocence away from buried old family pictures never intended to be seen outside of an inner circle. Every relationship suddenly being timed, guessing its death, who leaves who first, speculation, rumor, and still smiling as if nothing was wrong, pain masked by appearances.  
He had everything he ever wanted, living his fairy tale, a story to work in, a women next to him, finding love like he never had before. He felt he needed to protect what they had, what they were building. Isolation took away the shadows, the followers; he tasted the feeling of ordinary, nothing special, a forgotten face in a passing crowd. For all the years of working just to eat, sleeping on friends couches; the formative years that hunger could never break him from the end goal, for this dream kept alive that the baggage of a public life was acceptable, the dream of being chased in airports, signing autographs to throngs of fans, an oversized life pasted into banners and billboards. Was he the fool to keep dreaming so long ago, that was the life he wanted, that is what he traded trust, ambiguity, friends without motives, bad days without ridicule, good days kept to secrets between lovers. What he couldn’t fathom was knowing Aubrey to suffer this, that it was part of him that wanted it, even so long ago, blaming his own youth and inexperience, vultures seeing him as a paycheck. Would he be loved enough to live through it, did he love her enough to set her free?  
**************************************

“What about your mother, what should we get her? A scarf and brooch? They had beautiful hand made jewelry at the store in town, something from there?”  
“I’ll see what Pierce is doing, no matter how long we’ve all been that this Christmas gift giving with mom, we still act like school boys buy tea cups and coffee mugs. I think I should be better at this.”

“We leave to torture to buying the loudest toys for nieces and nephews, they are like the gift that keeps on giving. Always an extra pack of batteries, no excuses there. But all of them, except for Imogen are all teenagers, now I feel out of touch with what’s in fashion.”

“I’m out of the prime demographic for marketing, once you pass 35, suddenly words like adult contemporary are slid into write ups, like “You aren’t old, just yet, but not young either” . “

The server delivered another Guinness for Henry, a coffee for closing for Aubrey, the pub, the outskirts of the village that seemed to be used to the filming crew, enjoying everything it had to offer. But Henry’s fears were realized by the need for a shadow, a guard, even this day, at the bar, minding his distance for normalcy, but always aware of the couple. Aubrey’s approach was a bit stunned at first, maybe tasting the reality of a public life for the first time, the day to day being veiled in the look of ordinary people, doing ordinary things. Their guard proved the very opposite, being every bit of part of their lives to the outside world. His vigilance, grateful, and maybe what Aubrey didn’t know, was fine for now.

“I think I found my first grey, but I will lie to myself for now, the lighting was a bit off..”laughing through the froth of her hot mug.

“Sometimes the sun does lie,” gulping down the first half, letting it fill him up, his cheat day, and this meal was enough for a week’s worth.

“Yes, it’s the sun’s fault, hiding most of the day as it is. Four more days, and you are off for the break, if they don’t close everything down again.”

“The last wasn’t so bad,” meeting her eyes, his mind drifting with the alcohol, being together, alone was perfect. He could do that for months on end if needed. 

“I know the target wrap date, then what?” being honest with a time line, trying to see an uncertain future, added with complication, knowing his desk was covered in scripts, labeled for confidentiality. A few ventures most likely launched prior with photo shoots and and timed ad space, resorting to phone pictures and a limited marketing campaign.

“Well, two weeks, of just you and me, trying to make the holiday what we can. Its going to be tough for Dad, but Mom insists she’s got a handle on this streaming business…her words, not mine.”

“I was trying to get Annie to figure something as well. Was to far into a bottle of red to think that far, bad week at work,” trying not to go too deep into conversation, worried about what would be overheard, trying to be normal, but not to obvious, almost keeping to comments about the weather, until they were in private.

“You want to figure beyond that, you’re holding back,” watching her eyes drift to the harp on his glass trapping the fine bubbles, maybe taking a bit to much in that last gulp, feeling the froth build up in his mouth. 

“Well, yes….timing has been answering questions for both of us, being here without worrying about working, the what’s next in retirement for me,” pausing, using her coffee as an excuse to find the right words. “I was asked to speak on a panel, former performers, a discussion about the mental health of dreaming big for such a short career, the shifting image of a healthy figure versus some’s visual ideal…it could change so much for…for people like me.”

“That’s a fantastic opportunity, why are you hesitating to tell me?” observing her guard her emotions, calculating, “what are you afraid of?” He knew enough now to ask her what was driving her reaction.

“I don’t know. I’m no face of a cause, I know there have been a few pictures of us floating on the web, its going to be a public event, maybe only the interested would even care. My face would be attached to something, and instantly attached to you…”

“And its for a greater cause, something this industry needs to change, yours, mine, there’s nothing wrong in that. I’ll have a note sent to PR, we will craft a statement together, something you are happy with, this is something to be proud of, not hide in the shadows. Just not know, too much Guinness to form a well crafted sentence.”

“Ha ha….we should write out your Christmas card right now then, “Thanks for staying home” or “Enjoy another year of stretchy pants”….

“ How about, “When all else fails, make it saucy..” and send a few bottles of tequila with the rosemary water”…..he laughing a bit loud.

“We should get home, its getting bit full here,” noticing how much the last few minutes have changed, the room now more than a din, feeling eyes glance their way. Their table cleared as it was, unless they had a greater purpose to stay, now would be a good time to depart.

“Yes, we should leave, but let’s not go home, its actually quite beautiful out, and the gardens in the square are lit up, let’s go for a walk,” his coat magically coming out of nowhere, Michael producing it for him, and hers for a quick exit, the check settled before even thinking of it, the car warm and waiting right outside the door. Her hand in his, the simple walk that should have been just seconds, he felt her weight shift to a cold stance, she now pulling his arm, her fingers tight around his, stopping any movement in this well oil machine of exiting. “What is it? Aubrey?”, seeing her now white face only in the glow of street lamps, her body rigid, staring at a form still unknown to Henry. A settled resolve she once had, missing replaced with fear. “Are you…Aubrey,?” trying to catch her eyes, back to him, to break her of what ever spell descended upon her. 

Aubrey’s eyes fixed, but a flutter of her lashes, a deep inhale, closing her eyes fully, a fierce veil drifting over her form, her hand gripping Henry’s harder, she glancing only to Michael waiting by the open door to the car, then back to the unknown being walking their way.

“Aubrey Denison, what rock did you crawl out of to end up here?” the dark form, nearly as tall and Henry, thinning blond hair slicked back flat, a cigarette dangling from one side of his mouth, not moving it to speak, a dark jacket woolen with age.

“Henry, this is Mikka, Mikka Andreyovich. Mikka, this is Henry.”


	17. Dragons and Towers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aubreys worst fears, and a bewildered Henry.

Was it a second, was it 5 hours, did time stand still, was she even breathing? Did she notice him first, or was his happenstance, just by chance, Aubrey’s path intersected with his again. She promised herself, years ago, this would never happen, she would never face him again, they would never fill the same space, let alone breathe the same air. 

“Well, Mikka, we were in town, enjoying the village. We were just on our way elsewhere..” letting that be enough, he needed nothing else. Aubrey needed to concentrate on anything else, she let her thumb circle a callous on Henry’s hand, her eye catching sight the lone leaf hanging on to a nearly bare branch glistening in the lamp light, a brick fire place burning hardwood.

“So that’s all I get, a simple brush off?” flicking his cigarette finally, “you’re not going to ask how things have been, happy to hear I’ve been furloughed, still blaming me for all your issues?”

“We….I have nothing to say to you, you go your way, we will go ours. I’m sorry for all the others not working right now, but everyone I know is in the same situation.” turning to lead towards the car, Michael, quizzically watching the both of them, standing a bit taller.

“Don’t let her sink you to, Henry. That haram of hers, spreading..” immediately confronted by Henry, so little space in between them, seeing only his face in silhouette, instinctually back up to a metal lamp post, feeling the cold water sink into his coat.

“Aubrey stated she didn’t have anything to say to you, so be on your way,”heat flooding his core, his right hand gripping into a fist, feeling his tendons bulge up his arm. “Let’s go..” with Aubrey’s hand in his, leading to remove himself, feeling anger fill every part of him, knowing he may not make the best choices, Aubrey never needed to see him loose control like this.

“So you teach now, because those who can’t, teach, is that it? Letting your bad feet finally kill your career, not that you don’t owe me for the one you had.”  
Henry turned back toward Mikka, Aubrey keeping a hand on his elbow, trying to maintain the only few steps to the waiting car. His body overpowering, she felt her feet slide, feeling the force that he could be, instantly worried about what he would do.

“He’s not worth it, Henry……don’t let him…Michael!” sweat beading down her back, her leather gloves loosing any hold on Henry’s arm, seeing only his wall of a figure thrusting towards a diminished Mikka.

“If you ever look her way again, if you ever hint at all the pain you caused,” crumpling his collar in one hand, forcing his back up higher against the pole, watching his eyes blow out in fear, his head falling back, cowering. “You have no idea what I am capable of…”

“Henry,” thrusting his arm between them, Michael was grateful he was stronger than needed, “we must be going. It’s starting to rain,” lowering his hands to separate them, pushing Mikka away, while still keeping him upright, smelling stale smoke envelope his own hand while flattening the now disheveled collar. His other firmly across Henry’s chest, counting his breath pattern, his muscles primed to fight, thankful he was able to intervene. It would have been messy, it would have been public, it would have tarnished everything about him; the kind employer he knew, to a hot headed combatant, picking street fights with random strangers. But this person wasn’t a stranger, and Henry was only protecting his girl. “The lady would like to go home.” Michael turning to Mikka, “They will be left alone from this moment on,” sizing him up, seeing more spite than fear, more like a cat ready to swipe back, not knowing what was best for his own good.

Henry felt his threshold wain, “Yes, Michael,” still starring into redden eyes, anger still altering his voice, slowly inhaling to calm, “thank you,”, letting his fingers relax, still with an extra hand, moving him towards the car. His gaze finally rid of the Mikka, his thoughts went only to one person, Aubrey.

“There’s nothing to worry about, he didn’t even get ruffled, no one was passing by” Michael now heading towards the front row of seats, the driver already waiting to pull off.

But Henry was, about Aubrey, knowing how much he had affected her, so many layers she worked through to be where she was now, what would seeing him do to everything she was working towards. He knows what that feels like, the pain that gets boxed up, that becomes so common you forget what’s it like without it, to be free of it. Within that short walk to the back seat, he was trying to prepare himself for anything, for a puddle she could become, for the anger she might express, in herself, in him. He knew he crossed a line, he never wanted her to see him that way, angry enough to fight, willing to throw a punch, making someone hurt. He worked to hard to let an incident like that break him of everything, including her.

“You didn’t have to do that,” a tissue dabbing tears, what little make up she wore staining the material “he was only after me”, her voice cracking, “that’s what he always did, that’s what I was expecting. You didn’t need to lower yourself to his level,” a jagged breath, a whimper, trying to settle herself. “Ok,…..ok…..you’re ok, you weren’t going after each other, fisticuffs, and knocking out teeth? We won’t have to make statements and articles about changing habits, taking up yoga, giving up alcohol all together, Lauren isn’t going to have to come after you, for everything she’s been through, this isn’t going to force her to release anything about your working behavior….” her voice cracking again, losing a bit a resolve she had left.

“None of that is going to happen, nothing happened, Michael was sure of it. There is nothing you have to worry about, its done and over….”  
She said nothing, for a while, a few sniffles, reaching for new tissues. Henry wasn’t sure to comfort her, to let her be, worried about what he didn’t know, what she never told him. The hotel wasn’t far, but the ten minutes was the longest he felt it ever was, she still crying softly. She had been catching on, to the public disaster that could have been, the ripple effect it could have had on everyone. She had been learning more than he wanted, she had been experiencing everything he hated, just quietly, without letting on.

“Shall I call for tea, sent to our room, or something else? What would help?”

“I don’t know, sure, you’re filming tomorrow, so, tea.”

“Anything, how about dessert, or wine…”

“I don’t know. Please….I need to sort my thoughts” almost biting, straight in her seat. She didn’t turn away, but wasn’t receptive to any sort of comfort. “Would you like to call Simon tonight, I need to talk to talk to Lanea.”

“Maybe that would be a good idea, a calming perspective,” the car slowing to a stop in the port-cochere, not waiting for Michael to exit, he got the door, holding his hand out for Aubrey, she fumbling with spent tissues, she would worry about leaving the back seat in shambles, that hesitant second of time filled Henry with apprehension. But her still gloved hand reaching for his, putting her weight to steady herself fully onto him, he embracing to steady her, he hands find her warm sweater under an open coat. He couldn’t help himself, but hold her, feeling her hot breathe through his shirt, quicken with tears, she slipping her arm around his waist, walking past the front desk without notice or rush. 

Their room, quiet, the bed had been turned down, the light glowing, not bright and eye piercing. It was inviting for any other night, but tension, remorse and anguished drove a pit into her gut, that shell of a person she hid underneath, forcing her to be alone; passing the entry to the sitting room, where she could close the door, dividing Aubrey from Henry. 

Stripping down to her under pinnings, her clothes strewn across tables and sitting chairs, their tailoring and craftsmanship not deserving of the abuse, feeling guilty for treating them to that consequence. The closet, meant for coats and valise, empty, was her solitude, her chilled bare arms wrapping around her unadorned legs, thin straps sliding down curled shoulders, she grabbing the handle to shut the world out, in her small dark space. A choking cry, inaudible to even her, feeling her lips crack, her chest begging for a deeper breath in-between shuttering, exhausting spews of pent up emotion. She had been lying to herself, she had been lying to Henry, projecting strength and resolve, believing it almost into existence. But one sentence tore all that down, one glance brought back all those judgements, measured against insurmountable standards, strung by a puppeteer with no care. Her movements weren’t hers, the strings so tights, her only escape was to disappear out of them.

“Lanea,” hoping her could be understood, through jagged breathe, “I’m such a fraud, its so not fair to Henry, he can’t keep putting me back together.” Wiping away hot tears, feeling how puffy her face was, she didn’t need a mirror to know it.

“Slow down, what happened?”

As clear as she could vocalize words, this was a moment for clarity, she soften the flexion in her voice taking one big breathe, “We ran into Mikka, out in the lake district, Henry almost slugged the shit out of him.”

“I should take a holiday, what hotel are put up in? Can I put a few bills on Henry?” thrilled to think Mikka could have met his match, and then some.

A quick laugh left Aubrey, her body spent of all energy, pretzeled in contortion no one but someone with her background could find comfortable. 

“I have no clue what he was even doing there, I thought he’d be in London with all the others piling into crappy flats, waiting for something to start working again. I suddenly can’t wait to leave, only a few more days and back to the rental.”

“What did he say to sent him off? Wait, I know you, you are safe? Not running in this cold snap in high heels or some cocktail dress at an underground party?”

“We are both in for the night, Henry is probably ordering the entire room service menu of desserts, he stress eats, if you can keep that quiet.”

“Mum, when this lock down is over, I want to join you in that, more reason to only wear stretchy pants, but where are you right now?”

“Sadly, after a good cry, on the floor in the closet in the sitting room. I’m wishing to be in an old castle full of hiding places and dum waiters. That would be exploring and useful, not hiding, maybe find some priceless paintings, an Elizabethan tea service that gets appraised on the Antiques Road Show.”

“I imagine Mikka was at his finest, manipulating and conniving.”

“You know how he twists truth, he being the one to suffer for it, whatever he’s pleading for.”

“I know on good authority he got fired well before all this lock down business, started grooming a chorus girl who’s father happened to be on the board of trustees over at Northern. He bit the hand that fed him, forgetting he’s on the other side of that slippery slope, with so many younger one frothing to the top. He’s got nowhere to go.”

“Why am I thankful of his demise, why do I feel guilty about thinking like that?”

“Why did Padme still love Anakin? It wasn’t because he was the baby daddy to the most powerful twins ever to exist. It a fault, you feel with everything, and something I never want to see you give up. We have art because of people like you, passion to create it, to live it, and vultures like Mikka pray on it. Thank god you got out before…”

“Did you make a Star Wars reference?” with her natural voice, relaxed and settled. 

“There was a marathon a few days ago, I was stretching on the floor and the remote was to far away to change it. But I get it, wanting to hurt the person that hurt you, eye for an eye, revenge never settles the soul. I believe in karma, he will get what he put out in droves. I’d still pay to see Henry slug him.”

“I hadn’t thought about him in so long, even a not great day with Henry is better than some of my best days when…..well…you get it. I have so much…just so much good, I can’t put it in any other way. It’s real, we work at it, even when its crazy.”

“None his brothers are single, are they?”

“Nope, he’s the only one left.”

“Damm.”

“Why do I let him get under my skin, why does he control me..”

“Listen, he doesn’t, he never will. What you have is a fear response, something only brought upon for living through such a situation that you did, and that’s not turned off easily. I think you should try talking to someone that specializes in this area, I have a few names, they are only doing telehealth, nothing in person. If you want to take that step, I think it would do you a lot of good.”

“I’ve been through so much therapy at the clinic, I should be able to publish by now,”

“This is different, this isn’t about calories or choices, you known that. I should know that too, I’m almost done with my masters, and working towards my accreditation.”

“Really, I knew you talked about it, but wasn’t sure how that was going to fit.”

“Being home, no excuses to put it off.”

“I’m so happy for you,” wanting to hug her, knowing the work she must be putting in, to be able to help others.

“I’m happy for you as well. I heard about the panel, I’m glad you are telling your story. I know my kids are going to be watching, my older ones are very enamored with you, can’t wait to see you here more, after we can actually be in the same space, at the same time, what a concept.”

“Just to be in the Tube, smashed in with tons of people, going about their day, why does that feel so exciting?”

“The feeling of being normal and not a in a fish tank. Which for you must be quite interesting, keeping it in perspective?”

“Henry makes it looks easy. Its taking a bit of getting used to. I know he’s afraid for the real celebrity, not lock down celebrity, its going to be harder, its going to be more invasive. But he forgets, I didn’t fall in love with him for that, I fell in love with….just him.”

“Sap, you deserve to be happy, I want you to live that up, enjoy and not worry about being enough for him. Where is he now?”

“Still next door, I suggested he talk to his brother, he needed to step it own a bit, I didn’t want him brewing all night about Mikka.”

“I would imagine he might feel better talking to you.”

“I should…..the words might not come so easily.”

“And that’s ok, but you're trying. Let them come, and they will, don’t be afraid to tell him anything. He loves you, not just enough either. Well, baby girl, I do need to go. Call me tomorrow, and tell me how tonight unravels, if you would like.”

“Thank you….I wouldn’t be able to handle all this with you. I’m going to be naming a child in your honor.”

“What?”

“No, in the future, Annie was joking about the same thing. Like uterus watch between you too.

“You two would make the most beautiful babies .”

“And they would have mouths like Annie’s, honest even when you don’t want them to be.”

“Remember, to use your words, all the them, even of they come out jumbled. Henry has the patience of a saint and will wait, I’m damm sure of it.”

“Tomorrow.”

“Definitely, tomorrow.”

With a blimp of the call ending, she was with her own thoughts, on her own to digest them. Lanea was right, they needed to talk, some about Mikka, some about Henry’s response. She never had someone actually fight for her before, underneath a bit of biology coursing through her veins, siding with the more masculine being, primeval in basis. He would keep her safe, even in that context. 

Before letting her mind wonder to the depths that became harder to break out, Aubrey returned to their bedroom, opening that door that kept her actions secret to Henry. He was at the desk, on his laptop, with Si, his headphones keeping some of the conversation private. He had done what she suggested, verbally venting whatever was pent up, and not deciding to handle it later. The irony is, a good sword fit might settle him after an evening like this. The unmistakable scent of chocolate filled the room, two decedent pieces of layered cake sitting on a serving cart, a pot of tea and two unturned cups took the rest of the space. He stayed seated, she finding the edge of the bed as good a place as any, facing each other. 

“Hey, Ill talk to you this weekend, I have to go,” snapping the lid shut, turning to face her from the chair, dressed now in his vest and trackies, bare foot, his hair unkempt, showing his natural curls that made her swoon just a bit, and sometimes loose her focus.

“How’s Simon?”

“Doing fine. He’s going throw me in a boxing ring when all this COVID stuff is over, maybe really use that right hook I fake so often at work. Probably not what you want to hear.”

“I didn’t mean to let Mikka haves a response to me in that way. I thought I moved beyond that, I thought it was over. It took only one look at him, and suddenly it was five years ago and I’m some naïve girl trying to please him. I thought I was better, for myself, for us, than to let him get to me.”

“I couldn’t stand him talking to you for 30 seconds, let alone years of living with him. I’m sorry I let my guard down like that, I didn’t expect to loose control like that….I didn’t mean for you to see me that way,” hanging is head ashamed, more than anything, he could have cared less about fallout and press, but what she thought of him, he wanted to be more to her than anyone, but not someone for her to fear.

“Thank you for giving me space, I don’t know how yet to digest some layers, fear, self-preservation, I sometimes don’t know what to manage first,” picking at nail polish on her thumb, watching her leg bounce against the floor, “it means a lot to me, to not try to fix me, I need to sort that on my own,” feeling tears well up, feeling isolated, knowing she may never able to put everything of that time in her life to words. Chilled, her skin over sensitized, wanting to be touched, forgetting how to ask for it, his hands soothing her, grounding in comfort. But somehow he knew, coming towards her, letting his hand drift down her back, sitting next to her, she letting her body lean into his depression, his weight. He was warm, safe, wanting to care for her. 

“I found talking much needed, and so much better than burning it out on a punching bag or weights, that suggestion was profound, if you don’t mind me saying. Usually I do the latter, to not the best results, except a good sweat, but still twisted.”

“It is relaxing, sometime stating how angry you are does as much good as the physical release, I learned that in therapy, when I was adjusting to gaining weight. Anorexics and running, go hand and hand with anger, mostly at everyone else.”

“Then for now, how about I just listen,” she settling in to his chest, knowing her ear was listening to his heart, what she always did, when she was the most calm. The room almost too quiet, hearing everything, the radiator tinging, someone with a heavy foot walking down the hall, a bit of a breeze picking up outside their window. 

“I can’t be angry at Mikka, if I want to move on, I’ve forgiven him, in my head, if that’s the only place. I fear being afraid, to expect what happened tonight, from my perspective, to happen again. If I let that consume me, he still has control, which I can’t let that happen. I fear taking in everything with hesitation, not enjoying life, waiting for it to crumble,” his arms around all of her, skin to skin, tears running down her face, her voice steady. “When I forget, when I box it all up, when its so far down I can’t even reach all that, I’m free. I want to be like that all the time, with you. I just have to work even more now, maybe to let myself crumble, to get back up. “

“You are better than me, I don’t know if I could ever forgive anyone, knowing what you had to endure, I don’t know if I want to.”

“I don’t want to ever have you see me like this, I don’t want to be.”

“I’m with you through anything,” thinking in years and ages, of favorite hide-aways, refrigerator doors full of kids art, his bike getting dusty because they need the extra seats, how Simon knew he wanted to make this holiday special, for other reasons than the obvious, how he had contacted Annie, because she would have been the most obvious to ask. But Aubrey needed him to be even more at this moment, to be her anchor first, her lover second, if better and for worse truly meant anything.

“Are we just going to look at dessert, or are we going to dive in?, a chef worked to hard to like that go to waste," doing everything to settle herself.

“I find your logic to be sound, we can’t disrespect all that work,” pulling the cart closer to them, not thinking about crumbs or appropriate manners, watching her slide her finger across heavy frosting. They sat with legs entwined, she talking more about his schedule for the next day, how she loved visiting town, but really needed to get back to her barre at the rental, more of gifts and plans for the holiday. His arm around her, if only to keep her warm, to encircle with anything he could for that very moment. Sleep finally claimed them both, she cocooned in everything he could offer, his love a sword, his embrace her shield.


End file.
